Simple Jokes Thread

[Aphos]

<groan>

[Griffin]

And a groan from me too. Swato, that is only worthy of a Christmas cracker - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker

[Griffin]

What goes oh! oh! oh!

Santa walking backwards.

[Aphos]

A crow has seven pinion feathers.  A raven has six pinion feathers.  So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

[Swatopluk]

A hydrogen atom walks late into a bar. Why can't it find a partner for bonding there?
All else Argon already.

[Aphos]

<facepalm>

[Griffin]

 

[Aphos]

In parts of east Africa they protect cattle from lion attacks by painting eyes on the butts of the cattle.  Don't believe this works?  Try painting eyes on your butt and see if you get attacked by a lion.

[Swatopluk]

That would not be objective since it involves yourself into the experiment. Use a superfluous family member.

[Aphos]

But that might leave YOU open to lion attacks.

[Swatopluk]

Basic training in chartered accountancy and a proper hat will take care of that.

[Aggie]

It's the giving time of the season, and I encourage you all to give what you can to those in need.

Just be sure that you drop your donations off with the correct organization. There was one unfortunate year where I mixed up my donations to the food bank and the sperm bank. Now there's some poor kid out there whose biological father is Hellman's Best Mayonnaise.

Anyone want a BLT?? 

[Griffin]

Very unfortunate Aggie. Wonder what the kid's DNA is like. Maybe a bit of a problem on Ancestry.com too.

[Aphos]

Consider with and without commas...

With:  I like cooking, my pets and small children.
Without:  I like cooking my pets and small children.

[Swatopluk]

The devil is in the comma as the popular preacher Abraham a Sancta Clara showed.
The angel in the (empty?) grave said to the women:
"Resurrexit, non est hic" (He is risen, he is not here)
Drop the comma and it becomes heresy:
"Resurrext non, est hic" (He isn't risen, he is here)