The Continuous Briny Fable

[Black Bart]

"...just a minute" said the Black Spot, "I've rumbled this, rabbits and a Bunny Girl on board a Pirate Ship...we've been caught by the oldest trick in the Necromancer...she aint no Bunny Girl...she be...A WITCH!!!!!"  The rabbits are her familiars...quick lads abandon ship or she'll turn us all into...landubbers! 

At that moment the witch shed her Bunny Girl disguise and let out a terrifying cackling...Sinhoff the parrot popped his head out from behind the cask of rum where he'd been havin a kip and cried "What's that terrible noise?" "It be the witch blaring" said Capn H, "and it be worse than one of Big Ron's ...

[DaveL]

...shrivelled little...

[Griffin NoName]

Blair Witches wot e got from is mate Tony oo as an abit o delivering half.....

[Bluenose]

...of wot anywun orders an makin up th' diffrense wi' stuff that no-one would want.  Tony had started out as a...

[The Black Spot]

...toothpaste model and had worked his way up to a master blagger. He could say any old nonsense, and somehow people would believe him.

His terrible legacy was now apparant as he told Bart that his leg had grown back. Bart believed him totally until...

[Black Bart]

...his supply of viagra ran out.  Then in a terrific storm Bart toppled over and was only saved from going overboard by an amazing stroke of luck...his...

[Calico Jack]

...belt was caught up in the rigging and Bart was totally trapped high above the deck.  As Bart's screams echoed over the wild seas a lone seaman heard his cries and set sail for him. 

When Bart saw his mysterious rescuer he screamed, no not you, leave me here to die.  For Bart's saviour was none other than....

[Bluenose]

...Garrilous Gertrude, one of Bart's many former girlfriends.  Bart had left her weeping at the alter and she had sworn a terrible curse on Bart that one day she would have her revenge.  As her skiff drew closer, a now terrified Bart began to...

[DaveL]

...tremble in his boots. Gertrude was known around town as the 'de-manhood-inator'. The reason being that any man that crossed her would get their...

[Calico Jack]

...palms read.  Gertrude being a fortune teller who had a reputation for unerring accuracy in her predictions.

It was only the few weeks ago that she foretold that Dave L would give Pirgella a....

[Griffin NoName]

...dose of nasty medicine as he was going to mistake a bottle of claret for a bottle of cod liver oil which someone had topped up with Ribena. Even though forewarned, DaveL still failed to notice.

Many years before DaveL had bought a dozen bottles of claret when his parrot gave birth to a baby parrot, which he stored away down in the bilge for the baby parrot's 21st birthday. Unfortunately the baby parrot was a very sick little bird and the only thing that got the millet to work its way through his tiny stomach was a dose of claret and Ribena. To save time in the early mornings and late nights, DaveL pre-mixed all the bottles of claret with Ribena and just had to grab one and shove the stuff down the poor birds gullet. Sad to relate, the poor little poppet died and DaveL forgot what was down in the bilge.

Not long after the great prophesy, Pirgella arrived in a great.....

[DaveL]

..Fury, wielding a meat cleaver. Pirgella placing two objects together screamed 'See these two onions, this is what I'm gonna do to Bart and DaveL's...

[Bluenose]

...potato collections!" as she swung the cleaver in a frenzy quickly reducing the onions to a fine dice.

It was DaveL who had introduced Bart to the finer points of potatoes, previously Bart had only collected broad beans.  The boys screamed in terror, and ran off to...

[Griffin NoName]

....the bilge where he over-indulged in the claret and Ribena unwittingly.

In his confuddled state, he danced around and around until he fell over a crate. Curious, he peered at the labels on the bottles inside. Cod Liver Oil. Dispensed to DaveL for treatment of his crew when on the Turnip Diet. Mix three parts oil to one of Ribena for palatable taste.

Having had nothing but Turnips for the last few years and rekkening to save DaveL a job and gain his favour, he set about mixing all the contents of the bottles of Ribena (he did not know about the claret of course) with the bottles of Cod Liver Oil.

Being a thorough and pedantic lad, he even printed labels: Blackberry Drink for Turnip Diet. Very Calming. You've never had it so good. on all the newly filled bottles using the ancient printing press that had been placed in the bilge by Tiddles long ago.

He also printed a note to DaveL offering him a way to impress Pirgella. This note read Oi hav yer answer to sortin out the lady. He stuck the note on his forrhed which was just as well because, totally exhausted and feeling rather sick, he passed out. He was not discovered until............

[Black Bart]

...the ship's surgeon came down to the hold lookin for some alcohol to help in a delicate operation what needed to be performed without anaesthetic. The ship's cook had had an unfortunate accident involving zuccinis and a large cleaver. In attempting to chop up the zuccini the idiot had accidentily sliced off his...