Pip Pip, Tally Ho - Talk Like a Land Lubber

[pieces o nine]

One should say not!  But *do* borrow mine, Opsa, dear, and feast your peepers upon the ruffians off the port. Speaking of port...

[Pachyderm]

Capital idea, M'Lady P.

Happen to have some here, if you would care for a splash?

[Opsa]

I daresay it'll take more than a splash to fill our flagons, Pachy you rogue (elephant)!

Goodness gracious Pieces old duck, the pearl handle on these opera glasses is rather difficult to grasp with sweaty palms. I've very nearly dropped them in the drink. Where have I put my dainty little lace gloves?

[Pachyderm]

I, Madam, am not a rogue. I am a rapscallion. Rogue, indeed! No port for you, young lady....

[The Meromorph]

Did someone mention port! 

[Pachyderm]

Did indeed, Lord M. Stand to the left, and I'll pass it over.

[pieces o nine]

Opsa, such a jest! One never leaves home without spare gloves -- both lace *and* kid -- in one's reticule.

Mero, do be a dear and hold my port whilst I fetch a pair of gloves for Opsa...

[The Meromorph]

Certainly, m'dear.  Would you like one of m'footmen to escort you?

[Opsa]

Naughty rapscallion Pachy! I shall now pout and stamp my tiny foot.

It would be a pity, wouldn't it Mero, if some of that glass of port should spill accidentally between my cupid's bow lips?

[The Meromorph]

He certainly would deserve it, Lady Opsa! However, please accept my own full glass, instead...

And may I say how much I now envy that noble port.     

[Bluenose]

I say!  Lord Mero, I've just had an absolutely spiffing idea!  What say we show that pirate scoundrel just what sort of men he's up against.  Let's play a brisk game of deck quoits, that will show him we're not to be tarried with!

[The Meromorph]

Capital Idea, Bluenose old chap!
I'll have to have m'valet play for me, though. I'm still a little dizzy from that - ahem - additive, doncherknow.

[Pachyderm]

I would deserve it? It wasn't me who casually called a chap a rogue! I would draw your attention to the big ears, prehensile trunk and general air of elephantness in the immediate vicinity. The word "rogue" tends to mean sun-tanned chappies in solar topees, with very serious expressions and damned great big rifles pesterin' a fellow.

Me and the port will be hidin' in the sail locker....

[The Meromorph]

Look here "paki' or whatever your name is, you can't skulk in the sail locker, m'hounds are resting in there!
And depriving a Lady of access to the Port is the act of a bounder, if not a cad!
You jolly well would deserve it if the pretty lady in question did drink your Port! I have to insist, act like a gentleman, or you'll sleep with the servants, man!

Damme, m'hounds are better behaved! 

[DaveL]

*Drops his freshly laundered handkerchief in shock*
*Adjusts his monocle to deflect the social awkardness of the situation*