The All New PlayBilge Magazine

[DaveL]

Coming to a theatre near you...

PUPATING PRINCESS - THE MOVIE



Cue low toned authoratative sounding American voiceover man:

They said she'd never make it:

'Your maggot hasn't got a chance, just look at him all white and puny' (Captain Evans aka Brad Pitt)

Seaman Jake Bolger (aka Justin Timberlake) lands on board The Big Brenda and quickly learns that real pirate money is made on the quarterdeck racing maggots.

'5 dubloon on Magg-ician, 5 dubloon' (Seaman Watts aka Hugh Jackman)

In the cold hard world of maggot racing, one lowly swab is gonna show some tough old Pirates the meaning of success.

But with the odds stacked against him, only the help of a wise ole dog with an unatural love of fly larvae can help him get to the top.

'There's only one thing in this world to cling to and that thing is hope. Hope and horse droppings (Ole Mad Dog Moroney, aka Dustin Hoffman)



On the day the big race, there will be only one winner. Can that winner be Pupating Princess?

'Bzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzzz, bzzzzzzz' (Pupating Princesses Mum, aka A Blowfly)

Share in the magic, as one man and one maggot change the course of history.

Share in the hope as a man with bad sanitary habits, shows the world that underdogs (or underflys) too can rise to the top.

Share in the dream, share in the joy.

Pupating Princess - The Movie, coming to a theatre near you.

[Black Bart]

It looks like being a great week for Cinema lovers with the release of Roman Porkscratching's 'One Million Years BC'.  The epic adventure set in CronanMagnon Europe stars Rachel Squelch and James T Cronan:



What a Film!  Beautifully captures ancient mans struggle against the odds.  The dinosaur fights are truly authentic and Rachel's struggle to keep her bikini and make up in place are a tour de force.

The Daily Shmail

PS BC of course stands for 'Before Cronan.'

[Griffin NoName]

At last New Playbilge is worth reading.

[Black Bart]

Protesters gather outside Portsmouth's Cimema as controversial film "The Passion of St Cronan" is released:



Directed by 'Mad' Ken Frussles, the film follows the life of controversial mediaeval  Irish Poet St Cronan.  St Cronan was infamous for his appalling verse and his bizarre sexuality.  Very little of St Cronan's poetry has survived because he was killed by his own flock, allegedly burned on a pyre of his own poetry.  However this short verse is attributed to him:

Through winter's storm
and summer's bounty
I am the only queer in the county
O'er blooming dale
and grassy hillage
I am the only gay in the village!

St Cronan is the patron Saint of Boy bands

[Pachyderm]

Oh, Dear Deity of Choice!

I may never sleep again. The image haunts me, it is burned into my brain!!

[Griffin NoName]

That lazy S.O.B. of an editor 'as hasked me ter supply this months centrefold. 'e sez 'es too busy off at a Duckie Party or summat.

Seein' as Oi is a wench, Oi present ter yer all

Mr February



Full story on Mr February, otherwise known as the I Rub My Duckie Travel Size Pirate Special Edition, will 'av yer oyes poppin' an' scare yer cabin boys - and don't forget ter wotch ther video of him in action !!

[Black Bart]

Lor Luv a Duck!

I was wonderin why me cabin boy spends so long in the bathroom wiv his rubber duckies!

[Black Bart]

Blimey this be a good year for films with Cap'n cronan in:

[anthrobabe]

I hear the next movie 'e 'as in tha works 'll be

The Cronanator!

[Black Bart]

Good idea.

[anthrobabe]

Good idea.

so who you gonna cast in the Sarah Connor role? If you say Paris I will kill you myself.

[DaveL]

PlayBilge in Association with R-Tel International presents an artist of world reknown...

Big Ron McGregor and The Incredible Wind Band present their 3rd and noisiest album:

Fruit Fruit Makes you go Toot!!



Hear the band crank out some of the most amazing sounds ever heard by human hearing.

Feel the breeze, as Big Ron has you checking your underpants more time than ye can ever remember!

Featuring Big Ron's new smash #1 'Our Bodily Moment', as heard on Greys Anatomy (during the colonoscopy).


Here's what the critics had to say about Big Ron's new offering:

'This album gives new meaning to the sayin "It stinks", as it really does' Kenny Barnacle, New Piratical Express

'Big Ron delivers his work with real power. In fact his bum is so powerful, it's an alternative energy source' Larry Roperot, R-TV

'That song turned me off Greys Anatomy and me dinner for weeks' Leonard Whipper, Greys Anatomy addict.

And if you download Big Ron's album off R-Tunes, we'll throw in a bonus sausage making kit, complete with Big Ron's favourite recipes.

Share the love...Share the gas...Buy Big Ron's new album today!

[Black Bart]

Aaarrrgh...I be too busy wiv me new Vibratin Duckie to listen ta music or watch movies!

'Cap'n, ye've been in the bath for a whole week now...the men are gettin restless!'

[Griffin NoName]

Aye, but tis 'ard ter keep ther water 'ot enuff !

[DaveL]

Arrrrr...nice use of peppermints!