The All New PlayBilge Magazine

[Griffin NoName]

Another terrifying thing is that Miss January must be about due.

[DaveL]

YArrrrr...

Oi didn't know that she was expecting. She looked awfully slim in the photoshoot. 

I'll see what I can come up with. 

[DaveL]

MISS JANUARY

Name: Gertrude Racketycoo

Occupation: Professional Pigeon Impersonator

Likes: Hanging out on rooftops, finding my way home, eating birdseed, painting public statues white.

Dislikes: Tiddles, Birds of Prey, Competing against seagulls for chip wrappers

Where will you be in 5 years time: I've developed a cult following in the local park. The real pigeons love me. But hey, if the patrons keep throwing me bread, I'll be able to go on extended vacation.

Maybe one day I'll meet the bird of my dreams and settle down in a rooftop somewhere and breed like rabbits pigeons. Coooo...Coooo

[Griffin NoName]

As I thought. Terrifying. Frightening the pigeons in the park (Lehrer).

[Black Bart]

Arrrrrr...it be the puckerin what does it.

[Pachyderm]

I thought it was "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"?

[DaveL]

A very speshal Playbilge anownecement...

PARROT SLAPPING

YArrrrr...

Have you ever felt the urge to lash out and try sumthin new? Wanna get a buzz without all the killing and maiming. Well why not try -

PARROT SLAPPING

* See your agressive tendencies subside in an instant, as you belt your fellow pirates around the head with your prized bird.

* Unleash the warrior within and the parrot without, as you swing your bird like he's never been swung before.

* Amaze your friends with some really cool manoeuvres including:

              - The Beaker
               - The Flapping Wing
              - The Screaming Macaw
                - The Parrot Pooper Attack

* Watch as your faithful Polly turns into a deadly weapon before your very eyes.

Here's what our new converts had to say about Parrot Slapping:

- I was a boring Midshipman, until I grabbed the Captain's Lorikeet and belted him over the head with it. Now (after serving 6 months in the brig) I be doing the professional circuit. Seaman Staines

- 'My parrot has never been happier. Last week he took out three humans with his parrot pooper manouver. He always eats lots of seed for that one! B.Cuzzen

'Can't wait for this Saturday's action. I've got a prized Cockatoo that will do more damage than last years storm off the coast.' O. Tau

So if it's action you search. Then why not go and grab one off the perch.



ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME PUNK? RAWRK!!!

[Black Bart]

Uuuurk...which bit does ye hang on to if ye be doin the Parrot Poop attack?

[Pachyderm]

And if you wish to humiliate your enemies, use the now infamous "Polly Want A Cracker" manoeuvre, where your Parrot pal attempts to stuff a ship's biscuit in any available orifice.

[The Meromorph]

Under no circumstances attempt Capt. Cronins sordid "Polly want a Nosebleed?" maneuver, unless you are properly armed, defended, bunkered, and already running like a poop deck...

[Black Bart]

Or indeed the ancient and deadly Cap'n Cronanmagnon hunter gatherer attack:

[Griffin NoName]

That pikter alreddy be syndicated ter annuvver publicashiun. Pays up BB, ye be cheetin.

An' Pachy, if ye fink that a mere pucker can poisen pidgeons ye be in a bad way.

Oi be werkin on me Polly Swoop Deck !!

[Pachyderm]

It's ahll th' Stoo, see. Oi'm a luvverly, cuddly sort o' a Capting, ahll friendly loike an' ahll, but th' Stoo gets 'em from abaht 50 yards...

[Griffin NoName]

Oi 'erd Red Ken be interestid in that Stoo !!

[Pachyderm]

It's th' only fing whut is more nauseatin' than 'e is. Gawd 'elp us if'n they is ever in th' same room....