The Continuous Briny Fable

[Bluenose]

"....Crmmphlrkkkmflphhhtt, phhhtttt.  Yack, Ptuiii Arrrk." As he spat out feathers and a rather bedraggled looking Sinhoff who for some inexplicable reason had flown full tilt into Bluenose's mouth just as he was about to utter the name.  Bluenose was just about to open his mouth again when he noticed the look on Sinhoff's face and decided that discretion was the better plan and turned to the hooded figure and said....

[DaveL]

'Bustlin Brian can get yer a really good deal on a new hood' said Bluenose. If yer contact Portsmouth Prison Centre, he'd be more than happy to do a deal wifs yer.' (Bluenose and the entire crowd of 50 sniggered)

Rawrk 'Bustlin Brian's a varmint, Bustlin Brian's a varmint!!' sqwarked Sinhoff.

'Well Mr Bluenose, if you call this unruly lynch mob off me, me and my thugs shall venture forth to purchase sundry clothing items from this Mr Bustlin Brian'.

'Oh yes, he'd love to see the colour of yer money' chuckled Harris...

[Black Bart]

...from behind the bar, where he was hiding...

The Hooded figure grinned..."The Colour of Money", he said, " That was one of my favourite films...beautifully directed by Scorsese and a great performance by Paul Newman...but I've seen it 23 times, so unless ye happen to have the new directors cut DVD I'll be passin on that offer. Now I'll be off to see Bustlin Brian and by the way my name is Capn...

[Bluenose]

but the name was drowned out by the sound of an enormous explosion from the direction of the Portsmouth Pirate Public School.

When the noise had subsided, the hooded figure was already heading for the door.

Just as he was about to open the door to leave he tripped over...

[Black Bart]

...a large piece of shrapnel from the Pirate School's still.  He picked up the still warm copper piping, twisted by the explosion.
'Right' he said, 'It's been too long since we had any innuendo...so I'm going to shove this pipe right up Principle Culnane's...

[DaveL]

...lectern.

The mysterious figure and his thugs, feeling worse for wear trudged up the hill to the Portsmouth prison. From the hill they could see the Public School fire and a strange 'green haze' in the vicinity of Big Ron's butchery.

'YArrr, this be a very strange town...' he said to Guido his henchman. 'If we empty this prison of all it's inhabitants, this town will be destroyed and our revenge will be had' he snickered.

At the gate, the mysterious figure knocked on the prison gate. 'Who goes there?' said the prison guard 'I am here to see the inmate 'Bustling Brian' said the mysterious figure, slipping 100 dubloon to the guard...

[Black Bart]

..."what makes ye think I be open to bribes ye scurvy blaggard?" said the guard...

"accordin to me inside information ye be Bustlin Brian's brother in law Quentin and if ye be married to Brian's sister Fanny ye be needin all the dubloons ye can lay yer hands on!"

"Aye ye be right enough Fanny be very expensive in these parts!" Hand over the loot an I'll see if I can let ye slip in...

[Griffin NoName]

.. ter sum more appropriate clothing. Them prison lads will have yer guts fer garter if they sees yer in em......

[DaveL]

...mysterious looking hoods.

As they walked the corridor, they saw the who's-who of Portsmouth criminal underworld.

'YArrrr, some of the worst maritime scoundrels you'd ever et eyes upon are here' said the prison guard.

When the rounded the narrow passageway, they came to a cell with a rather dapper looking plumber, with a large bearded cell mate.

'Are you Bustlin Brian?' said the mysterious figure...

[Black Bart]

...no, I'm Hannibal Lecter...who the bleedin ell do ye think I am ye great pile of...

[Griffin NoName]

... fluffy lambswool. Cross me hand with silver and I'll knit yer a Devil's Footstool. Cross me in any other way and I'll.....

[The Black Spot]

... twist yer pipe in a knot. Now what d'yer want?"

The hooded figure reached into his pocket and...

[Calico Jack]

...pulled out a large section of pipe.

"I was hoping you could help me with this" said the Hooded figure.  "This Pipe was taken from the Toliet System on Black Bart's ship but there is a blockage in it which I can't remove"

"Arrrrrrgh" said Bustling Brian "That is an unusual object stuck in yer pipe, not what you expect in a Toilet system, yes, just as I suspected it is a....."

[DaveL]

But before Brian could answer, the mysterious figure pulled back his hood, revealin his true indentity. (cue dramatic music)

It was non other than Bustlin' Brians' identiacal twin brother, Straddlin' Syd.

'Yarrrr, Oi've come to bust yer out yer blaggard' said Syd.

Straddlin Syd, was the evil twin in Brian's household. He succummed to a life of crime at an early age. Brian the good-er twin was offered an apprecticeship with 'Golden Taps' Graverson, where he quickly superceded his masters skills.

Following a stint on a famous lifestyle thread with Big Ron the Butcher, Brian's latent evilness did finally surface during his attempts to ripoff Portsmouth Pirate Public School.

Now he and his brother...

[Black Bart]

...swiftly made their escape dressed as a couple of washerwomen.

Brian: Where did ye get these bright pink gowns from Syd?

Syd: I got them off some pirate geezer wiv an Aussie accent. We'd better steer clear of the town centre dressed loik this...those sailors can get a bit desperate.  I knows a lovely oriental restaurant half a mile from here, we'll head for there.

Brian and Syd sit down to a lavish meal for two...

Brian: Blimey Syd, these Korean meatballs are the dog's...