The Continuous Briny Fable

[DaveL]

..set of strategically placed band-aids...

[Black Bart]

...coverin her large pumkins...the sudden appearance of Brenda so scantily clad caused Captain H to choke on his lunch, which happened to be a tasty Lincolnshire Sausage from Big Ron's 'Farmhouse' collection.  'Corrrrr' said Brenda, 'is that one of Big Ron's savouries, can't you give me one?'

Capn H gasped 'Do you want me to slip ye a sausage or are you askin me to give you a...'

[DaveL]

..free passage to the Indies on me ship.

There was much chatter in Portsmouth that day. For those who were not at the Big Ron Concert were in dismay at the disappearance on Mayor Keith Liversausage.

Down at the Admiral Benbow, the talk amongst the patrons about the disappearance of Mayor Keith was rife with conspiracy theories.

'I know who did it' said Sinhoff the Parrot...

[Bluenose]

..."it were..." but no one was listening, everyone was too busy checking out the size of Brendas enormous....

[DaveL]

..band aids.

Saucy Gert was busy pulling a few cloudy Lambics for a mysterious cloaked figure and cohorts stooped over the bar.

'Tell that parrot to shut his beak' said the cloaked figure to his henchman, Guido.

'Hey birdbrain, shut your trap' said Guido

'I'd watch your manners with that parrot' said Saucy Gert cleaning the bar 'he's more formidable than you think!'

The hooded figure and his henchmen burst out laughing. 'What's he gonna do, bite me to death?', said Lenny.

Sinhoff flew down to the bar. 'What seems to be your problem gentlemen?' he sqwaked.

'My friend here don't like parrots in bars' said Guido.

'Well, as I'm a regular here Sir, one of us is going to have to leave' said Sinhoff 'and I'm sure it aint going to be me'.

'Well show us what yer got birdbrain' said the mysterious hooded figure...

[Black Bart]

...Sinhof sniggered...Have at em Capn H...Capn H? Sinhof gulped, he was no longer perched on Capn H's shoulder he was looking down at the delicate form of Harris the cabin boy...

'Oh gawd help us' said Sinhof

'I've got my pen knife, watch out' said Harris...

The hooded figure and his henchman gaffawed with cruel laughter and began to draw out their enormous...

[DaveL]

...daggers. But before they could take a swipe, Sinhoff flew across the bar, knocking their beers over.

The entire bar burst into laughter 'Bahawhaw!!'. Guido was covered in beer, while Lenny's pint glass lay upon the ground.

The mysterious hooded figure then pulled out his pistol, but Harris the cabin boy managed a swift kick to a swift quick in the shins.

'Why you rotten little sod' said Lenny 'I'll...

[Black Bart]

...rip yer head off and shove it up Big Ron's...

[DaveL]

...pork cutlet counter.

'Rawrk, I'll show you true respect for parrots yer blaggard!' said Sinhoff sinking his beak into Guido's hand.

Guido screamed loudly and the entire tavern erupted on raucous laughter. Bahawhawhaw!!!

'Let's be gone lads! said the mysterious masked figure. 'This tavern shall from this day be cursed'

'YArrr, be gone wif yer ya, ya stinkin' varmints said Saucy Gert, before I call Constable Timmins.

Meanwhile Constable Timmins was sitting in a zucchini patch admiring the 'saucy vegetable' edition of Playbilge.

'Man, I wish I could get my Zucchini to look like that...

[Black Bart]

...enormous courgette...just a minute, if it's an enormous courgette it's actually a Marrow!!! Only one person would be so low down as to win a Giant Courgette competition by cheating and submitting a Marrow...

But while constable Timmins was concentrating on his saucy veg mag, he failed to notice a shadowy figure creeping in through the back door and grabbing Harris by his...

[DaveL]

...cute cabin boy outfit.

'Excuse me sir, would you please refrain from assaultin' young Harris' said Constable Timmins.

'Paah, codswallop!' said the mysterious hooded figure.

'Sir, if you continue to address me in such a fashion, I'm afraid I'll have to arrest you.' said the good Constable.

Just then, the entire crowd (turned lynch mob) from the Admiral Benbow arrived.

'Run those blaggards out of town' screamed Saucy Gert, waving a pitch fork.

'Yeah, we'll teach you to pick on parrots in a pub' screamed old Percy Lambert.

YEAH LETS GET 'EM!! screamed Sibling Bluenose...

[Calico Jack]

...who with jet propellled peg legs moved quicker than Black Bart at closing time at the Admiral Benbow.

As the lynch mob approached the mysterious hooded figure it made a horrible gutteral sound and then removed his hood revealing....

[Black Bart]

...the instantly recognisable features of none other than...

[DaveL]

...a second hood making his face yet unrecognisable...

[Calico Jack]

...to all but his closest friends.

"Yarr I know who you are" screamed Bluenose, "You dirty scheming lying blaggard Capn......"