The All New PlayBilge Magazine

[Aggie]

Oi ran into this mutant coconut off the coast o' Italy... Methinks it one o' E. Rasers genetic experiments gone awry. Last Oi 'eard 'e was trying to grow a tree wot had Viagra in the fruit.  Looks like 'e succeded...

[DaveL]

YArrrr!!!

E.Raser coconuts!! Mighty impressive.

O'm not quite sure to make of these. But it looks like someone has mutilated their vegetables, bein' bored at a bad dinner party.

Where those toothpicks are goin'is makin' me wince wif pain. 

[The Black Spot]

'Ang on... That's me number one harpooner's head on that table! I wunnered what 'appened to 'im.

[DaveL]

AN IMPORTUNT PLAYBILGE ANOWNSEMUNT

Ladies and Gentlemen:

* Fresh from his highly memorable concert at the Aaaarghh-stock Music Festival...

* Riding high on the success of his home handyman special...

* Soaring on the back of his famous appearance as 'Mr July' in The Men of Portsmouth Calendar...

Comes an evening with someone who'll send your Global Warming predictions way off track.

Playbilge International in conjunction with Portsmouth Entertainment Inc presents an evening wif a bloke you will seriously never forget...

A NIGHT WITH BIG RON AND THE INCREDIBLE WIND BAND – 'UNPLUGGED AND UNVENTILATED'

Hear the 'master of the sausage' make some noises you'd never expect, as Big Ron and band sing famous tunes from his forthcoming album 'Let One Rip'.

See Big Ron alter the composition of the atmosphere before your very eyes (and nose). 

Watch fans in the front row struggle for breath, as Big Ron shows the true meaning of asphyxiation.

Hear Big Ron crank out all the tunes (and other sounds) that'll truly take you breath away. 

His repertoire will include his hit singles:

· 'Not Near a Naked Flame';

· 'See Me, Hear Me, Smell Me'; 

· 'Me and You and a Vindaloo'; 

And his latest hit:

· 'Go Easy on the Lentils'

Durin' interlude Big Ron will be reciting his famous Butcher shop stories. So if the lack of ventilation don't get you, his exploits with his sausages surely will.

Make your bookings today through SCUM-TEK Ticket Office today.

The first 50 customers will get a bonus sausage and autographed respirator.

BOOK NOW! YARRRR!

[Black Bart]

Getting back to the erotic fruit & veg topic, I do like a nice pear...




I love it when Pirgella poaches her pears in rum...

[DaveL]

YARRRR!!!

[Black Bart]

Now that's what I call...Tomato SAUCE!

[goat starer]

I believe this link will take you to soem tomato sauce...

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/764748/2/istockphoto_764748_saucy_tomato.jpg

[Griffin NoName]

Time fer the Chrissmus centre spread.



Ter think that some Pirates be plannin ter take pot shots at this loveable guy. Join Playbilge Campaign ter Save Santa terday. Sign our petition.

[DaveL]

YArrr...

That photo looks like a shot from a mortuary after they've restored 'im. 

Nuthin like a bit of formaldehyde. 

[Black Bart]

Quote from Griffin:

"Ter think that some Pirates be plannin ter take pot shots at this loveable guy. Join Playbilge Campaign ter Save Santa terday. Sign our petition."

That be not Santa ye great pilchard...that be The Black Spot in his cunning disguise to help pop the beardy git, should myself and Dave L somehow fail!

[Griffin NoName]

Oi thought e looked a bit over-familiar 

[Black Bart]

Allright...I'm getting worried now...

Where are the pictures of Santa exploding over Easter Island?

[Griffin NoName]

Exploding pictures have been banned after Playbilge suewed by Big Ron.

This month's centrefold shows Pirates following girlies in their new careers as Beefeaters.

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRR...That be just a picture of Dave L getting into his pink dress!