Toadfish Monastery

Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar.
After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .....'
The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, sure I am!'
The first one says, 'So am I! And whereabouts in Ireland are yez from?'
The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin, so I am.'
The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin '
The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'
The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'
The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.
The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you leave?'
The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I left in 1964.'
The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I left Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!'

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, And orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'
Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are pissed again'.

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Incredibly adolescent, but....

The US Speaker of the House is named Boehner. John Boehner.

I'm so tuned out of current events that I've never heard this name spoken aloud. My mind interprets it incorrectly.

Well not jokes .. just some RL .

I blind on my left side .  Move over a bit please .

Just almost blind . Not almost deaf as well .

Yes I'm much better after throwing that up . I'm going to feel more of the same any second now.

Lots of stuff like that .

I don't even bother to spell it correctly anymore... I go ahead and write "boner" and nobody gets confused.  Go figure.

Nice one David !

LOL!

If only she'd had a son as well. I'd have liked to see a"Transformer Barbie", yeah?   

Four condemned sit in the train to Siberia. One asks the other why they were condemned
#1: I was against Popov
#2: I was for Popov
#3: I am Popov
Then they ask the first guy: Now, and why are you here?
His answer: Strange that you don't recognize me. I was the judge who condemned all three of you.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!  His wife told him to go out and get some pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?

Have I ever told you the one about an elderly man named Peter whose hemorrhoids were giving him such trouble that he consulted his doctor about them?

The doctor gave him some medicated suppositories and told him to use one daily, then return in a week to talk to the doctor about whether the treatment was effective.  Peter wasn`t exactly clear on how the suppositories were to be applied, but as he was a rather stolid man, he was too bashful to ask for fear of looking like a fool in front of the doctor.

So, every day for week, he swallowed one of the suppositories with a glass of water.

When he returned the following week, his piles were twice as inflamed and painful as the week before. 
The doctor asked "So, Peter, how are your hemorrhoids now?"

Peter replied "They are killing me! The pain is terrible!"

The doctor asked "Didn't you use the suppositories I prescribed you?"

To which Peter replied "Those goddamned things.... for all the good they did me I could have shoved them up my ass!"

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