The Continuous Briny Fable

[Black Bart]

...** CENSORED **,** CENSORED **,** CENSORED **,** CENSORED **,** CENSORED **,** CENSORED **,** CENSORED ** a duck by the name of Gilburt... 

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...who was by all appearances a rather ordinary mallard , he had feathers that were mostly pink except for the patch over his right eye and his nether regions .

He was plump , but in all the right places .

Life was idyllic on the little pond where he quacked and swam any time he wanted to , there was always plenty of food and fresh water . But it was getting boring , Gilbert was tired of the routine even the loons went off the deep end . It was time to leave !

Early in the shell Gilbert had lofty ideals and dreamed of all the things he could do after he finishes molting . He would fly , he would chase ganders and when he caught one he would...

[Griffin NoName]

....take a number 29 bus to Clapham Junction where he planned to.......

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...sign up on the fist pirate ship he comes upon . If Polly and Maynard could find a perch so would he . The pirates life for Gilbert  now !  Off on the big pond ! Yar de yarring my days ! Away from the quacks and the quackery and the geese with their goosings about !

"I'm  a fine specimen !" , he declared to himself ," look at those feathers , those  webbed feet ,those thick legs , that meaty succulent chest , and the thing I'm most proud of my enviable...

[DaveL]

...incredibly long...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...voyage ought to work out the bird brain in me ", thought Gilbert to himself , " I'm so excited I could drop my corn ".
" Ah ...the sailing life " , he mused , " until I learn to fly , the crows nest will be my roost...if I knew how to climb everything would be perfect . "
"I must find some proper clothes , I hope I can find something that hides my large  protruding ...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...beak onto the port hole and hoisted himself through . He tumbled over and struck beakfirst into warm water and feathery bodies , " great I found the hottub " , he thought ... he closed his eyes for a moment of rest....Suddenly Gilbert noticed the smell..." Aright... 'ow dun peed "....

Gilbert opened his eyes to stare down the culprit ..., they were all half cooked ! THIS ISN"T A HOT TUB !

He sprung from the cauldron and landed to the deck , he gazed about Eyes wide with horror !

Oh the fowlness most foul !

Everywhere were corpses with familiar beaks , geese , ducks , dodos chickens ... all dead , some mutilated beyond recognition after the night in the steam bath , some stuffed , Oh the humanity !

Gilbert quickly realized he was aboard a pirate ship by the Yarrs and stench , which one , he could not fathom , he decided to find out ...

By signing on as the ships parrot , pulled out his eyepatch recently procurred  from pirates- R- us and flew off to find the captains quarters. He went from one area to another until he caught sight of a large mass of pink lace in a captains hat .
He was yarring by himself in front of a mirror an caught sight of Gilbert the duck with pink feathers cap an eyepatch .

Capn Dave turned ta face Gillbert ," ye muss be hARR fur ta crows nest pole sit In , I like ye colours lad ye gits the job " .

Capn Dave roared the order to cease interviews , so thus ...Gilbert from Little Pond officially became a pirate mascot ...

[Tanguerra]

"Yaaaar!" cried Captain Dave. "Hoist the mainsail!"
"Quack" said Gilbert
"Weigh that anchor ye scurvy swabs!" roared Captin Dave
"Quack" said Gilbert
"By gum!" said Capn Dave  "Ye may be a foine lookin bird, me hearty, but how am I to teach ye to curse, if all ye can do is this quackin caper!?"

Gilbert began to realise that his role as a parrot was going to be more difficult that he had thought to pull off.

[DaveL]

...some wicked bird mimickry including talking like a parrot, sqwarking like a parrot, as of course after eating lots bird seed and crackers...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

 were not convincing . Some of the crew  were whispering when Gilbert flew by or waddled past . Some claimed he  be a French spy because of his speech. Happily Gilbert had admirers since giving away some choice feathers to crew members.
They defended him now ," I sez we put Gilbert to da challenge ! Ask him this one question iffen he nought be correct... into the pot wid him !

( OH GUANO ! , thought Gilbert , I'm  au  L'orange and loas !

"Give 'em some time to think first ..... okey whut be ye question ." enquired Seamen Bank .

Aroite Gilly , Whut be da shups DoctARR ? , asked Seamen Stanes .

QUACKKKKKKKKK !! ,  spat Gilbert now sick to his stomach .

The crew were bewondered  that he was so astute and...

[Tanguerra]

descriptive in his choice of language.

"Tole yez he was a French spy!" said one

"Nah! Course he aint." said another. "Look at that eye-patch! That be gool ol British made!"

"I'll ask him another" said seaman Bank. "Tell me now, me feathered friend, what noise do a musket make?"

[Bluenose]

Just then Gilbert felt an enormous build up of, err, intestinal gas.  He let it rip.

"Gerrof, yer blaggard!"  said seamen Bank, "Oi said musket, not cannon!"

Gilbert was coming to the awful realisation that his "clever" disguise as a ship's parrot might be nearing its use-by date.  He was about to make a run for it when a terrible stench overcame the ship.  Cap'n DaveL came out of the head pulling up his...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...his gas mask , " Mhgsd mmfjh snfgh hgfdjk fraap hgdf " !

" Whet he sayed " ?, asked Seamen Bank .

" Ee sayed " Mhgsd mmfjh snfgh hgfdjk fraap hgdf " , replied Seamen Stanes .

" Oh , I taught he sayed....

[Black Bart]

...XXX, XXX, XXX, and other rude utterances of a triple X nature...Cap'n Dave fainted and his face fell right between Pirgella's...

[Bluenose]

...enormous soft, yet strangely stimulating...