The Admiral Benbow

[Pachyderm]

Oi completley agrees wif 'at Ops. She knows whut's whut, an' no mistake!

[Opsa]

An' I completely agree wif 'at Pachy.

_{(Except Oi moight be mistoiken!)}

'Appy Yuletoid, mateys!!!!

[Pachyderm]

*dramatically throws up hands*

'Ere, you lot, kwioten down a minnit....

Oi finks Oi'm in love. She agreed wif me. *sniff* S'bootiful, 'at is. Nevvir happened ter me before, Oi feels all warm and fuzzy, loike. Crack open annuver vat...

[Opsa]

Oi also fink my skin is drunkenned. It seems to be veering to one side an all.

Taking all that into considerrashun, Oi toiks that love an' raises you one.

_{Oh calm down, Oim only raising another glass is all.}

[pieces o nine]

Oi 'as jest 'ad a hydea!

Oi rememmers wen Swato used ter list the hifishal animules ov thee yeare -- now *there* were sum hi-jinkes! Oi finks as we should reeche a con-since-us on thee hofishal pyrate drinke ov choyce fer 2013.

Lettuce not fall back on olde faverits, but reeche deepe down hinto thee bilges ov arrrgh hindividjewel an collektiv creativitees!

T'starrrght thee cannon balls rollin, may oi 'umblee orfer thee followin' ressipea?

Thee Higgs Bosun
-Fill moste ov thee hempty spayce in a shot glass wiv non-zero strength tequila
-Pour in ennyfink else wot might be 'andy an look hinterestin'
-Toss hit back, absorbin' thee contents til yer symmetry (an yer doublet!) be weakened.
-If ye feels suddenly hunstable an quantumly hexcited, ye be drinkin properly!

Wot arrrgh thee next contestants? Don't be shy -- line 'em hup on thee barre, 'ere...
                            

[Pachyderm]

Awright, ye blaggards, Oi gives ye "The Blackbeard",

Pint mug

Harf a pint o' porter (or Guinness, or other dark beer)

Good dark rum.

Cola.


Beer inter mug. Cola inter mug, leavin' enuff space fer some rum. Add rum. Stir wif yer parrot's peg-leg.

Quaff.

[pieces o nine]

Arrrgh!   ^ that be a good 'un!     

[Aggie]

If 'uns good, letsh have anudder 'un!

Oi 'eard a good un lasht noit...   summun tole me that Gert were curious about what Patch 'as up unner 'is kilt, so's wif permisshin, she put 'er hand up there an' found out. Oi dunno the truth o' the matter, but heccordin' to what I was tole:

"Oh, Patchy.... it's gruesome!" she says

'e replied "Aye lass, an' if ye touch it again it'll grue some more!"

[Pachyderm]

Ah, 'tis one o' the standard answers, that. The other ones is:

"What's worn under the kilt?"

"Nuffin', it's all in workin' order"

and

"If'n ye foinds a quarter-pounder, Oi'm a MacDonald"

[Opsa]

Oi gots one whot a friend of moin made by accident many years ago. We was havin' a poirate party (long before FSM, we just loiked poirates) and she tried to make a pitcher of Blue Hawaiians. However, she couldn't find any blue curacao, so she had to use the orange kind. The result was a hideous slime green potion that tasted fabulous. We dubbed it The Exxon Valdez, after a disastrous oil spill that had happened that year. (Okay, it was 1989. Yes, I am that old.)

THE EXXON VALDEZ
1 oz light rum
1 cherry
2 oz pineapple juice
1 oz Orange Curacao liqueur
1 oz cream of coconut
1 slice pineapple

Blend light rum, curacao, pineapple juice, and cream of coconut with one cup ice in an electric blender at high speed. Pour contents into a highball glass. Decorate with the slice of pineapple and a cherry.

Y'arrgh, it was a beautiful night. I recall being out on the front porch at about two in the morning singing an uncut version of "Barnacle Bill the Sailor" in four part harmony. Sounded like the angels. With potty mouths.

[pieces o nine]

Oi feels a hankerin ter plunder some curacao!

[pieces o nine]

Yarrrgh, Springe be summat sporadick this yeare, but hit be slowly approachin. Dom thee Danger Catte bin spotted in 'is purrrsonal shippe, dreamin ov thee high seas from 'is dry dock. 'E orferred t'stand a round fer enny pyrates wot 'as Spinge Feever, so plaice yer orders wiv the barrrtender...

[Aggie]

Wun fer Miloch the Great an Terrible, who be trying to batter down thee back brig door fer to eat grass at every chance.

[Opsa]

Y'arrrrggghhh! That be the cutest most fearsome cat vessel that ever sailed the furious waves!

[pieces o nine]

*looks around sadly*

Wot thee heck koinde ov pubbe be this!  Ware arrrgh thee rock-us pyrates, thee rowdy townsfolke, thee yooseless layabowtes?

*opens a bottle of Cap'ns Deloight, very quietly*

Mayhap this will rouse 'em...