The Piratica Monastical Football Club

[DaveL]

Yarrrr...

THE RUMBLE IN ROVANIEMI...BRING IT ON!!

We are up against the very best the Easter Bunny and Santa can throw up against us.

Oi thinks some of the lads are very much looking forward to this one.  It might get a bit ugly. Just don't forget to be humble.

Due to popular request, Francine the Flagellator has been added to the support staff for the trip north. Ere be the line-ups for the two squads.

P.M.F.C.

Agujiim – GK
DaveL (c) – RB *
Kiyoodle the Gambrinous – CB
Sibling Blue Nose – CB
Alpaca – LB
Sibling NoName - RM
Goat Starer - CM
CalicoJack – CM
Beagle – LM
Black Bart – F *
The Black Spot – F *

* Declared as 'dead meat' by the FSAS during a recent press conference.

Reserves: Teripie, Capn Cronan, Meromorph, Brenda McTavish,
Coach: Sibling Chatty


THE FESTIVE SEASON ALL STARS (F.S.A.S.)

Elf No. 234 - GK
Blitzen - RB
Bugs Bunny – CB
Dasher – CB
Vixen – LB
Thumper – RM
Rudolph (c) – CM
Myxo-matosis – CM
Comet – LM
Brear Rabbit – F
Cottontail – F

Reserves: Dancer, Elf No. 442, Jack Rabbit,
Coach: Mr E. Bunny – just out of hospital

Go get 'em lads. Just watch out for those reindeer horns. YARRRR!!

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Yarrrrrr...

I made it just in time for t' start o' t' match with t' drinks for t' squad.

[Bluenose]

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...Snnnnrrrrrffffgggg....ZZZZ...

ZZZZ....Grmmmph......Snork!.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

Yo ho ho an er bottel o.......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

[goat starer]

On me head son! Goats are renowned for their headers.

[Black Bart]

I haz bin drinkin lucosade n'other istoton...Istono...isotnik drinks wiv bluenose in preparapartation fer the match..hic, buuuuuurp!

We be sharp as a christmas pudnig!

[Bluenose]

ZZZZ...Mmmmpppphhhh... 

Urrk...  Wassat Bart?  Djou saye sumfin?

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Two ships o' rum, two ships o' beer, and t'ree ships o' tonic...

That's all I've prepared for t' match. You think it will be enuff?

[Black Bart]

YYYAAAARRRR...when be this match loikly to kick off? I be yearnin to kick some bunny butt, er, football.

[DaveL]

YArrr...

Oi's hear the lads have just cleared North Pole customs. There were a few suspicious items which needed inspecting. Aparently it was the barrel of the Supergun, that raised eyebrows. Yarrr!!

[Bluenose]

YAAARRRGGGHHHHWWWWWNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Arr, Oi be feelin moightily refreshed afta me little kip.  Nuffin loike a fresh batch er tonic fer the makin a swab feel loike a bit of football. 

Oi've diskuver descovvert found owt that Oi can fuel me peg legs on the tonic, it seems that some sort o kemikle chamockil (you know wot Oi mean) reackshun took place between the left over Lucosade in wun o Barts bottels and me latest tonic which seems to be makin fer a very powerful fuel.  Oi'll need Bart ter 'elp me out wiv th testin fer the roight consentrashun - when it begins ter kick loike Bart's fishe hed stewe we got it about roight.  Oi know it be a moighty sakrifyce wot Bart an me will 'ave ter make ter taste all that tonic fer the roight strength jess before th game, but we be the pirates fer the job when it comes ter testing rum, err tonic.

Jess let any o them littel bunnies any where near me peg legs an Oi'l kickum into the middel o next week, in a humble toadfish pirate way o course, ye be unnerstannin.

[DaveL]

Yarrrr...Welcome to Rivendell Stadium in Rovaniemi for the big clash between Piratica and The Festive Season All Stars. The pitch is as expected – icy, slippery and downright freezin'. There were slight delays with North Pole Customs, who seized the following Piratica items upon arrival: 7 sets of knuckle dusters; 10 x M16 Machineguns; 8 x SAM missiles; 15 x cutlasses and 1 x 400mm Iraqi-supergun with 30 rounds of ammunition. All goods were returned, when Sibling Kyoodle explained that he was just minding them.

The F.S.A.S have won the toss, with P.M.F.C to run with their backs to the F.S.A.S. fans during the first half.  DaveL and Blackspot have been left on the bench and will come on, when the crowd is humbly subdued by Sibling Opsanus's thugs. There's Santa, waving from his specially constructed concrete bunker.

The F.S.A.S look rather angry out there. The Pirates appear rather calm.

00:00 Kickoff It's an all in brawl right away.  Several of the reindeers charge straight for Black Bart.  Cottontail and Calico Jack start grappling. Sibling Bluenose lies unconscious on ground. The ref notes several whip marks and confiscates his Madame Chantal's Gold Pass.

10:06 Fired up after the brawl.  F.S.A.S start stringing passes together. Thumper beats Alpaca to a header, which sends Myxo-matosis on a clear  run.  Shot nicely saved by Aquijiim.

18:53  Bad clearance by Blitzen puts the F.S.A.S under pressure. Beagle shoots just wide of the left upright. Elf No 234 mouths off somthing about Orcs and Hobbits.

26:10 Play is stopped when Black Spot is seen firing large projectiles from the stadium car park. Several dozen elves are injured when the main grand stand is hit.

33:45 Long restart clearance from Elf 234 headed down by Comet puts Dasher through on goal, nice scything tackle by Kyoodle.  Another brawl erupts.  DaveL seen running to Santa's bunker with rocket launcher.

40:30 GOAL F.S.A.S 0 Piratica 1 Piratica start getting into the game. Fancy footwork from Alpaca to Sibiling Noname who sets off on a run. Nice cross from NoName volleyed into the net by Black Bart.

Another fight erupts. DaveL's rocket propelled grenades make little impact on Santa's bunker.

44:13 F.S.A.S push forward, as Bugs Bunny sends Vixen up field. Nice pass into Rudolph who hits the cross bar. Rudolph needs help, as his antlers get stuck in the net.

45:00 And the ref, blows half time. No sign of Brenda, Spot or DaveL on the pitch just yet.  It should be an exciting second half coming up. Yarrr!

[Bluenose]

Ummm,  wot 'it me?  Oi jess remember the tinklin o sleigh bells, a flash o red an whyte then blammo!  Ow, me ead urts'- 'ang on, where's me Gold pass?  Some blaggard's pinched me Madam Chantel's Gold Pass!  Now Oi really got me dander up.  Let me at em.  Oil murderaite the blaggards!  (With all due humility...)

[Black Bart]

Half toim conference in the changin room.  Nows our chance to get St Nick.  I strap on me antlers and head over to the bunker!  Flanking manouvre by the Black Spot and Dave L...he can't escape this toim!!!!!

[Bluenose]

Wondering around aimlessly, clutching head...spies Black Bart.  Yells...

Hey Bart!  Wotyer doin?  Why yer got those sticks tied ter yer 'ead?  An wotz Black Spot and Dave L doin over there?

[DaveL]

Which one of you blaggards is callin' the second half? Go on get on wif it!