The Piratica Monastical Football Club

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRR...I loiks a drop o the Czech stuff meself, be thar a port wher I can anchor for replenishment?

[DaveL]

Okey Dokey,

The Czech Republic it is! Our qualifiying group shall be as follows:

Piratica
Germany (not them again!)
Slovakia
Wales
Cyprus
Ireland
San Marino

Yargghh, bring on the next trial match, the combined Santa and Easter Bunny's Helpers (SAEBH's)Rovers. Ooooh, this is gonna get nasty...in a really humble way of course  .

[Black Bart]

Can I wear my fake antlers, could be handy up front?

[Calico Jack]

A LETTER TO DAVE L

To: Dave L Cap'n Piratica FC
From: Rudolph Cap'n SAEBH's Rovers

We are most honoured that a team as mighty as Piratica, World Cup Finalists in 2006 have agreed to play a friendly against our little team.  We do have a few concerns regarding the game which I am hoping you could answer for us.

1.  Those of us in the Present creation subsidiary are very busy now in the lead up to Christmas, therefore we would not want to travel to far for a game. A home game in Lapland would be preferred, unfortunaly we don't have a pitch but we could draw one up in the snow, would that be OK.

2.  Some of our players are worried that your travelling party will include Big Ron the Butcher.  Many of our players, not least myself are very worried what Ron may do with a meat cleaver and we would ask if you could not bring him with you.

3.  A final request is that a few local dignitaries are being invited to the game and would like to be presented to the players before the match.  Most notably a Mr Claus (more commonly known as Father Christmas).  Are you happy for your team to be introduced to Mr Claus who has promised extra grog in all your stockings providing you are all very good.

Thank you and we are looking forward to the game.

Rudolph

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Okey Dokey,

The Czech Republic it is!

I think I've been misunderstood, I didn't want t' replace t' Czech Republic, as well as I didn't want t' enter their group...

But I guess that's too late t' complain now... It might be a good choice, because t' Czechs could be cosidered pirates, because o' their love for grog and thei greetin' ("ahoj", read as "ahoy"), but I would still like t' see t' Czechs at t' EC...

But I guess we can't all be satisfied and I'm assurin' you that I will give 100 percent on t' pitch!

Now brin' on t' matches, me cutlass be itchin' for some action!!!!

[Bluenose]

Ahaaarrrggghhh!

Oi be feelin much betta now, after all that relaxashun ferappy wot Oi got fanks ter Francine.  Oi be fightin fit an ready fer the next match.

Did someone mention beer?  Orltho it be a poor substitoot fer rum, Oi reckon Oi cood go a kupple er pints about now...

Cap'n Bluenose, the Flaggellated

[DaveL]

Okey Dokey,

The Czech Republic it is!

I think I've been misunderstood, I didn't want t' replace t' Czech Republic, as well as I didn't want t' enter their group...

But I guess that's too late t' complain now... It might be a good choice, because t' Czechs could be cosidered pirates, because o' their love for grog and thei greetin' ("ahoj", read as "ahoy"), but I would still like t' see t' Czechs at t' EC...

But I guess we can't all be satisfied and I'm assurin' you that I will give 100 percent on t' pitch!

Now brin' on t' matches, me cutlass be itchin' for some action!!!!

NEWS FLASH: **Team shall replace Slovakia instead. Right next door, close to the Danube and still close to beer**

[Sibling Chatty]

Yarrrgh, just tell me what bunch o' foine athletes (it were pointed out to me that callin' the opposin' team a bunch o' gormless maggots were not humble) we shall be facin' and 'till be heavy practice rotations fer all.

Kiyo, yer in charge of procurin' suffishint beverages fer keepin' th' theam well hydrated and ready ter play. Aggie, please watch Bluenose fer leakin' bandages or a tendancy to scream "Whip Me, Mommy" at toimes of stress, an' report to me if there be a problem.

Oi be havin' a small meetin wiv th' Tooth Fairy and several ovver of them folks what has reports aboot th' next team we play. Sum o' their 'speshul abilities' moight be overcomme wif' a bit o' help from friends...

(Those wishin' to petition th' Tooth Fairy for a fair return on missin' teeth for which ye were nae compensated, please gi' me yer names and a chart of wha' ye desoire, eiver dentchers or dubloons.)

Coach Chatty

[Bluenose]

Errr, Coach,

kood Oi 'ave a set o' dentures made out o' dubloons?

Bluenose

[Sibling Chatty]

Yes, but Oi am reequoirechoireqirt, by law, supposed to warn ye that they'll nae stan' up to th' reglar eatin' o' Fish Head Stew.

Foul Henry over to the blacksmith will make 'em for ye, but ter fit them he'll make ye chomp down on a half-rotted ruterbeggroodybegrouterbig HUGE turnip, so as 'ee kin fit them to yer gums.

Can nae be werse that th' Fish Head Stew.

[DaveL]

LETTER TO RUDOLPH

To: Rudolph
From: PMFC Management

In response to your request, we would be humbled and honoured to take youse blighters on in the Artic Circle, Rovaniemi, Finland.

We should warn you, that given the recent hostilities which have erupted between Santa and DaveL/Black Spot, we are concerned for their safety.

We must explain the cause of the current state of hostilities.

Capn DaveL was extremely upset with Santa as a child. He simply did not deliver the presents that were promised. He is still awaiting delivery of an 8 pounder cannon, promised when he 8 years old to shoot rabbits with. The handkerchief's received in lieu of the 8 pounder, was simply unsatisfactory.

Since this time, Dave has been itchin' to have a crack at the 'big bloke in red'. Last year he did conspire with one 'Capn Black Spot' to quote "try and blow the fat bugger out of the skies".

We are concerned for the safety of Santa Claus, should he attend the match. However, we are sure that both Dave and Spot will be on their best behaviour (as far as I can gather).

As a minor safety precaution, we recommend that Santa be housed in a 800mm thick concrete bunker. Other than that, he will be perfectly safe (I think).

Big Ron McGregor will be left at home as an act of goodwill, as the remaning tour party will be bringing much trouble with them, both on and off the pitch.

We look forward to the upcoming match.

Kind Regards,
The Management P.M.F.C.

PS Does Santa have life insurance?
PPS Several of the team may require an after game...'rub down'. How's the Rovaniemi red light district?
PPPS How does reindeer leather stack up?

[Black Bart]

Can we also ave assurances that the pitch wont be covered in Reindeer poo?!

[Bluenose]

Sotto voce

Psst, Bart, Oi doan no abowt ye but this ban on grog is makin me moighty twitchy.  Ow abowt ye come ova ter moi place an we can troi owt a new brew o me rum errr, tonic.  Ye can invoit any o the players, but make sure Coach Chatty an Team Captain Kiyoodle doant find owt.

[Black Bart]

Whisperin in the bilge's

YYYAAAAAARRRRR...Grog! I'll ave some innocent lookin lucosade bottles made up in case we get raided!

[Bluenose]

Aaargghhh Bart me ole shhipp-mayte, Oi fort ye were never gonna make it over ear.

Have a shwig of me latesht rum, err tonic.

Oi fink Oi might 'ave a nuvva kuppla bottles o "tonic" messhelf, itsh a very good year, eh Bartey boy!

Singing (badly)
Fifteen men on a dead man'sh chest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, err tonic!

err...

We are the champoinssss, we are the championssshhh...

Wot 'appenned ter all me tonic, errr, Oi'l jesh ave ter get anuvva shix bottelsh outta me lokka.

Arrrr, thatsh the shtrick, wotz vat Bart me ole mate?  Ok ere'sh a cuppel o bottelsh.  Oh, moi bottlesh are all empty, ow did vat appen?  Oi fink OI got shum ova shomwear here, er, dare vey arrrghhh.    ...shchamionsh otha werlde...

Thud.