Pip Pip, Tally Ho - Talk Like a Land Lubber

[Sibling DavidH]

You saye, this Lady hath Money?  In sooth, I am newly learning to master this magicall instrument, y^e TELEPHONE.  If the Lady would but telle me, her NUMBER, wee might converse further.
Yr  Frende, Humphrey Gryblynge.

[Bluenose]

Oh I say, Lord Mero!  I do hope you have not confused me with my scoundrel of a brother, Captain Bluenose.  Black sheep of the family and all that.  Nanny had quite a time with the litle beggar I can tell you.  We had to throw him out of the family after his lewd displays with a Galapagos tortiose on Christmas Day back in 82.  Caused quite an upset.  My poor mother never got over it, God rest her soul.

<leers at Lady Opsa, thinking no one can see>

Sir Humphrey, my goode man.  Fancy a little gameof croquet?  I'm sure Lord Mero has some mallets and hoops hidden around here someplace...

[Opsa]

I have some hoops hidden in my hoop skirts!
Eau hu hu hu hu hu... I do fancy my sense of humor, don't you?
*Winks saucily at Lord Blue, but blushes appropriately afterward*

Sir Humphrey, here at Landlubber Manor we do not use telephones. Too many germs on them and such. Here is our calling card. We accept visitors on Thursday afternoons. Especially if they come with expensive presents.

[Bluenose]

Lady Opsa!  You naughty girl!  There's nothing I like better than a sweet young lass with a fine sense of humour, unless there also happens to be great big bags of lolly involved.  Why don't  we take some time to discuss the terms of your future inheritance, eh what?  I hear you Papa is simply rolling in fitlhy lucre...

[DaveL]

I do beg your pardon Sir BLuenose, I thought you said -

There's nothing I like better than a sweet young a...

Do excuse me for my indiscretion!

[Opsa]

You're interested in livestock, then? Daddy had a sweet, young ass named Filbert. Really rounded out the pastoral effect on the south lawn. Of course, we had to build a ha-ha around the garden or he would have eaten all the roses!

[Pachyderm]

Fell in a ha-ha once. Was at "Mallet" Psmythe's family place, someplace in Gloucestershire, I believe. No, no, tell a lie, it was Gloucestershire. Got a bit squiffy on the old G & T, and went fer a little wander with Daphne, his sister. Fell in the damn ha-ha getting away from him...

[Bluenose]

Eau, I say, Lord Pachy, old bean, what on Earth is that large grey cloud wafting in from the north west?  If I didn't know better I would say it was a volcano erupting, but there aren't any vulcanoes out in the middle of the North Atlantic, are there, eh what?

[Sibling DavidH]

No, it's from Big Brenda who had curried eggs,  leeks, beans and stewed apricots with her dinner.
A volcanic eruption would be much less noxious.   

[DaveL]

What's that you say? Volcano?  I thought that was snuff powder. I collected it by the bucket load and sent it around to Lord Postlethwaites garden luncheon.  I thought it was jolly good stuff myself!

[Pachyderm]

That'll be the curried eggs, old boy. Adds a certain piquancy, don't you think?

[Opsa]

Yes, but Daddy thinks it's simply beastly that he can't fly his Lear jet back up from the Grecian Isles. He's thinking of suing Iceland.

[Bluenose]

Lady Ops, why don't you send one of those new fangled telegraphic thingamajigs to your Pater and say that you'll send his yacht to pick him up.  I'm sure he can find something to do for the few days it will take to get there.  I understand that the fillies are quite attractive in the Greek isles, <snort>  eh what?  After all, I have heard that he is a bit of a connoisseur of, ahem, horse flesh!

[Opsa]

Say- I have a smashing idea! Whot say we all hop aboard Daddy's yacht and make a rescue party of it? We could have theme cocktails and the like. I'll wire him after tea.

[pieces o nine]

A corking idea! 

We can make  flaming volcanos,  hurricanes, smoky martinis, lava flows...