Pip Pip, Tally Ho - Talk Like a Land Lubber

[Pachyderm]

"Why cwertainly, Lady Opsa, twould be my pleasure"

*climbs up little ladder*

"Lovely view from up here..."

[DaveL]

*Plays cracking forehand winner down the line*
*Pink hooped dress flowing in the breeze*
* Wipes sweat from forebrow and pumps fist in the air*

Take that old man! That willl be first set to me!

[Bluenose]

Golly!  What a cracking shot milady!

*turnes to umpire Pachy*

_{[sotto voce] I say, Pachy, old fruit, she's certainly a strapping young thing, don't you think?}

[The Meromorph]

I say, she certainly has a cracling good first service, what? I'm rather glad Lady Opsa is my partner or I wouldn't have touched a ball all set!

Oh goody, we've changed ends. I'll just hold up the diamonds on the soles of my shoes to that rather bright sunlight, and we'll see how we do this set, what?

[Opsa]

Teddibly clever strategy, M'Lord Mero! Let's see what damage I can do holding up my diamond encrusted bodice, which took simply scads of man-hours to construct at the cost of great wads of dough, dontchyer know.

[pieces o nine]

* falls out of stands, struck suddenly and inexplicably blind *

* hopes dreadfully that no one makes a fuss *

[Opsa]

Eau no! *making a fuss*
*runs up to stands, ripping a fistful of diamonds from her bodice*
Lady Pieces! Do accept these as my apologies and as a down-payment on a set of corneal transplants! I'm so sorry! Please do not sue me, as I am now destitute following the loss of some precious stones!

[The Meromorph]

I sayI Please don't sue me, either! I'm an orphan you see, having just shot my aged parents in order to obtain my rightful inheritance, long delayed.

[pieces o nine]

* sits up muzzily *

* blinks eyes as environment swims slowly back into focus -- albeit with slight aura-esque halos *

*graciously -- and firmly -- refuses all crystalline offers *

Good gracious! One wonders what came over one!

One is terribly embarrassed and apologises profusely to have disrupted the match! One insists on pressing the name and number of one's dressmaker upon you both, to have your garments re-bedazzled at one's own expense. Do carry on with the match, it was most invigorating!

* returns unsteadily to seat in stands, slips on très fantaisie designer sunshades *

* sips surreptitiously from petite silver flask of cognac *

[DaveL]

*Looks inquisitively at the crowd wondering what had just happened*

* Smashes a cracking serve  down the line, which is forcefully returned by Sir Bluenose for a winner*

Oh poppycock, I knew I should have gone for more serving lessons with my tennis servants.

Nice work there my Lord!

[Bluenose]

*somehow manages to get the racket onto the ball, inexplicably served across the court by his partner*

I say there, milady, jolly good practice serve, fire off a few like that at our opponents, once they have attended to their apparrel malfunctions, and we shall win this jolly match in in quick smart time.  What oh, eh?

[The Meromorph]

Well look, old chap. you already knew she was a little ah confused, eh?
Had a few like her at my old school doncherknow. Very good for the theatricals, and such...

Good chap to know on those cold winter nights, what? At least that's what Matron used to say.

[DaveL]

*Looks at the court and discovers that his opponents are actually across the other side of the net*

Good-o.  Carry on then shall we?

[Pachyderm]

"Erm, have we started? I didn't fire the starter pistol yet!"


*BANG!!.........BANG........BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!!!!*

"Dammit, I missed! You there, gardener chappie! Please be so good as to fall to the ground screaming, and clutching your leg, I don't want them to think I can't shoot, I'll never be let back on the grouse moors."


"Eh, what's that you said? Blanks? BLANKS! Where's the fun in that? Get me shotgun!"

"Ai sai, there appears to bodice-ripping going on. Capital! Didn't realise it was half three already..."

[Opsa]

Almost tea! No wonder I was so thirsty. Oi say, Jeeves, fetch the Tangueray, would you?

Good lord! Who put those six dead grouses on the tennis court? They're bleeding all over the place.