Pip Pip, Tally Ho - Talk Like a Land Lubber

[Opsa]

Dear me, I didn't mean to offend. "Rake" sounds like a tool, and I wouldn't want to risk another crestfallen Pachy with that. "Rapscallion" is, I agree, a better word. I'm somewhat less than enthusiastic about "rap" I'm afraid (though technically it is music and poetry and we approve of that), but I do love a sprinkle of scallion on my curds and whey, don't you, Ducks?

[Pachyderm]

No offense was taken, Opas my dear. No crests were fallen

One merely gets twitchy when those two words are combined. And a nervous elephant really shouldn't be indoors, dontcher know.

Would "scamp" do?

[Opsa]

Yesyesyes, "scamp" is simply splendid. It causes me to imagine happy elephantlings scampering through the picturesque veldt while "Born Free" is performed by the London Philharmonic.

[Pachyderm]

"picturesque veldt" sounds so much nicer than "scrubby desert covered in ants and gazelle shit"

Ah,the joys of cynicism and twenty years in Africa....

[DaveL]

Oh yes Africa!  Awfully nice place. I acqusitioned several boat loads of plantation workers there last year.

The Okobongo Delta is just full of insects at this time of year. You must remind me to wear a mosquito net over my pith helmet, next time I return.

[Pachyderm]

Sola topee, dear boy. Pith helmets are so last expedition...

[Opsa]

Dear, dear, however shall we keep up? I just had a new gauze bow put on my pith helmet. I suppose I shall have to throw it on the rubbish heap, now. Pity.  *sob*

[Bluenose]

Yes, I have heard about the sola topee idea from an old chum in the club the other day.  I couldn't help feeling, however, that he was taking the pith.

[DaveL]

Oh how rude! You should tell that buffoon to 'pith-off'.

Mind you, I do enjoy the odd gigantic leech from Okobongo. It's awfully good for treating the off bruise - does nothing for my circulation though!

[Opsa]

How jolly! I wonder if I could use leeches to bring roses to my cheeks? It might be so much less tawdry than Chinese rouge.

[Pachyderm]

Best not to, m'dear. The problem is that the little blighters leave a mark that looks uncommonly like ringworm, which would get one shunned in polite society. Also, ones handmaiden would probably be happier handling rouge than leeches....

[Opsa]

Ah yes, Prudence is sew squeamish she can hardly comb the lice out of my powdered wigs without emitting perfectly horrid under-breath squeals. Really, you can't get good help, nowadays.

[DaveL]

Well I've had trouble getting a good false beauty mark to put on following a good powdering by my house slave.

How can one attend fine social gatherings without one?

Lord Puffington Marchmont III is most ostentatious and will often wear 2 false beauty spots. What a show off!

[Opsa]

Yoss, that would account for his false beauty!
*Titters in a little too abrupt and high-pitched fashion from behind lace fan*

Gabrielle, my hand-maiden has taken to smoking my wigs to reduce the louse population in them. I think. Or maybe she enjoys the smell of the natural hemp fibres from which they are fabricated. I can never figure that girl out. She is lazy and silly and eats too much and is squeemish, but I keep her on because I am so veddy soft-hearted after all is said and done. Plus, men seem to be more interested in my charms after my hemp-wigs have been fumigated. I am oft told I have that little je ne sais quoi. Then they follow me around until I wail "Quoi, quoi?" at them.

[nefyuBB]

ALLOOOOOOOOOOoooo!
Duz enybuddy haz eny toyzzz?