Toadfish Monastery

...design.

Neptune was convinced that he could harness the power of Biofuel and rule the world. Essential to his plans was the emissions produced in the Portsmouth Butcher shop from Big Ron's bu...

..........bunson burner which leaked dreadfully. Combined with the additional emissions from Big Ron's........

home made sausages. Neptune, having miraculously and suddenly recovered from his recent golf ball accident, entered Big Ron's Butcher shop, dragging his enormous sack of collected cow sh manure behind him.

"Mornin'" said Big Ron, "be that the latest batch?"
"Aye!" said Neptune "Soon we'll be rich I tells ye! I've collected enough of this sh biofuel to sink a ship. The, next step world domination will soon foller!"
"Yaaar!!" said Big Ron, (who may have temporarily given up the life on the bounding main for butchery, but none of his piratical ways) "Put it over thaaarre next to the bunson burner and let's away to the tavern. I've a terrible thirst"

Big Ron and Neptune devised a corporate plan for their takeover of the world. During their 4th pint they devised the B.R.N.A.G. Corporation, standing for Big Ron and Neptunes An...

Anabolic Gearoids which would revoltionise the rotation speed of large sized vi.....

...visibly impressive...

...bovine-toilet brushes. Unfortunately, by the time this was tranlated into production, the hyphen was lost, and the marketing department were left with 250,000 cow-hide toilet brushes. The B.R.N.A.G. Corporation were up against tough competition to supply the local farms with appropriate cleaning products and failed to get their products into the......

new millenium.

By the time they had downed their fifth pint and their plans had become ever so ambitious as to include "Bovine Toilet Brushes The Movie" (extending to several sequels).

But, just as they were getting around to casting, there was an enormous explosion from the direction of the butcher shop and lamb-chops and home-made sausages began to rain from the sky, along with something brown and far less pleasant smelling.

"Great Scot!" said Big Ron, "What the....

...what the..?...could it be?...YES A TREMENDOUSLY ENORMOUS ICEBERG!!!!


I am saved from a life of destitution thought Saletheseas ...I can barely believe my eyes ! my new home on the whor  horizen  hoarresin distint !

His present home was melting away from underneath him.

All he now possessed were his dingy and clothes upon his person .

His ice and fresh water business dried up ( so to speak) many weeks ago...

He bemused about all he would  have once again if only he could gain control of the big ice cube ....oh yes that ice means fresh water , pingie wings , seals , fish and ice cubes for drinks...the bar owners and their patrons will come back ..drawn to the oasis of coolness in the South Pacific and all the free ice they could handle for their grog.

He could get rent money again ...he could get himself some...

.... fresh cabin boys and even at a pinch a good......

....ski run on the leeward side of the iceberg island ought to get the money rolling in as well. I may lose a few customers in the early stages
seeing as the old towlines were burnt three inches at a time ...

No fencing left after the fishing folks took it all for netting in exchange for food...oh well ..the waters soft if they slide of the berg....

This one looks like I could be set up for life by the looks of it from here ...

Sal rowed with ever growing determination to reach it before any pirates or monks decide to claim it.

This 'berg looks like a biggin ! Reminds me of...

... the Butcher of Portsmouth he mused nostalgically while fishing for a juicy..........

...thought entered his mind ..." I'll carve out some grottoes and rent them out as deluxe accommodations with a view and A/C !....Oh...money money money all for me on me massive...

.....protruding.....

... tip of the 'berg must be 1,000 square miles , thought Sal as rowed and rowed towards his new (he hoped ) home .
........................the hours passed and still the berg seemed no closer...."**** me right arm is killing ...*pant*........me....... .*pant*....remines...*pant*....me...*huff*...of ...*pant*...the...first...*pant*...week...*pant*...me...*pant*...girlfriend left !....