Toadfish Monastery

...sorry, dear! I *was* paying attention. just surreptitiously checking my stays...

I can no longer remember if there are storerooms, galleys, staterooms, cabins, or anything of the like on this magnificent yacht. If so, shall we repair to one in search of sustenance beyond gin, and companions of a more engaged nature?

ps: Do bring your cello, dear! We might be up for a bit of a singalong later.

Sorry, ladies, my most humble apologies. There was a shocking incident just then, and it completely threw me. Bloody fellow dropped the rum. I believe someone suggested cheese? Capital idea! Spot of tiffin on the afterdeck, what?

Indeed yes, Lord Pachy. Just let me send round the boy to fetch my cello. Niners darling, do you know The Man Who broke the Bank at Monte Carlo?

Know him! I...

Ooooh, not quite what you were asking, old duck, was it?   

 

I walked right into that one, didn't I?!

Well don't just stand there. Fetch my pipe and slippers will you good man. 

Heard about this fellow doing the rounds of the Royal court, who can fix stuttering you know.  He ffffffffffff....ffffffffffffff....ffffffffff...fixed me in a jiffy.  Apparently, he helped some king make some important address during wartime. Sssssspppp...spppppppp...splendid fellow!!

Well, I find that if one has enough cognac, one can slur their way around any speech impediment. And if one shares one's cognac, no-one cares what they say, anyway.

Did you like the snifters I gave you for Christmas?

I say, that's a frightfully good cognac old chaps. Do let's have a glass all round!

"Spiffing idea, Lady Pieces."

*holds up simply enormous brandy balloon glasses*

"Whose having a snifter?"

Ooh, I say- we may have to send the butler back for another bottle. Those snifters are so voluminous that the cognac is evaporating before it hits the bottom!

My word, Lady P, this is a damn fine cognac!  Could I trouble you for a topper-upper, eh what?

Eh what, indeed, Blue old chum!

Opsa, dear, the only sensible course of action is to hold a snifter in each hand, the better to fight untimely evaporation. Maintain them at a small distance from your face, dear, and inhale deeply and rapidly whilst the cognac is being poured out.

I say, where is that butler anyway?

You just can't get the staff these days, don'tcher know...

Eau, don't I know it... oops, you meant the menials, didn't you?   Yezz, well, them too...

You know, I never inhale, but in this case maybe I shall after all.

Blimey...ones worked up a bit of a thirst whilst teaching the scullery maid how to peel her onions...pass the Caraaaafe.