Toadfish Monastery

sponticle - a 21st century development of the flanticle (cf #1112), programmed with AI so as to autonomously seek out tight flanges.

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snealings

The Twelfth 4 (don't you mean 2) to the power of 5-th Chapter of the Continuing Saga (this is after all the 32nd installment). Indeed, sorry. 4^2.5 would also be possible.


Upon seeing five ships with paisley (not Ian) patterned sails go sailing west by north west half south around the lagoon, Skipper Farnsworthington at Dimwater Point hoisted his mauve flag heavensward and saluted.  The malodorous banner bearer from The Southern Ghashwamibishi jungles penned his excuse for jaywalking outside the United Chimneysweep Association, saying that it was legal in Tortuga but not that popular with the Eduardian children who can't digest such unusual subspecies of Lumbricus terrestris

The Twelfth 4 (don't you mean 2) to the power of 5-th Chapter of the Continuing Saga (this is after all the 32nd installment). Indeed, sorry. 4^2.5 would also be possible.


Upon seeing five ships with paisley (not Ian) patterned sails go sailing west by north west half south around the lagoon, Skipper Farnsworthington at Dimwater Point hoisted his mauve flag heavensward and saluted.  The malodorous banner bearer from The Southern Ghashwamibishi jungles penned his excuse for jaywalking outside the United Chimneysweep Association, saying that it was legal in Tortuga but not that popular with the Eduardian children who can't digest such unusual

The Twelfth 4 (don't you mean 2) to the power of 5-th Chapter of the Continuing Saga (this is after all the 32nd installment). Indeed, sorry. 4^2.5 would also be possible.


Upon seeing five ships with paisley (not Ian) patterned sails go sailing west by north west half south around the lagoon, Skipper Farnsworthington at Dimwater Point hoisted his mauve flag heavensward and saluted.  The malodorous banner bearer from The Southern Ghashwamibishi jungles penned his excuse for jaywalking outside the United Chimneysweep Association, saying that it was legal in Tortuga but not that popular with the Eduardian children who

Except in Svalbard


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Louder than thunder
the cannons hunt for targets

suggests Mary Rose


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What is this liquid
that is burning through my deck?

The Twelfth 4 (don't you mean 2) to the power of 5-th Chapter of the Continuing Saga (this is after all the 32nd installment). Indeed, sorry. 4^2.5 would also be possible.


Upon seeing five ships with paisley (not Ian) patterned sails go sailing west by north west half south around the lagoon, Skipper Farnsworthington at Dimwater Point hoisted his mauve flag heavensward and saluted.  The malodorous banner bearer from The Southern Ghashwamibishi jungles penned his excuse for jaywalking outside the United Chimneysweep Association, saying that it was legal in Tortuga but

when haiku cycling


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'Return to sender'
Scrawled in red across the front

The Twelfth 4 (don't you mean 2) to the power of 5-th Chapter of the Continuing Saga (this is after all the 32nd installment). Indeed, sorry. 4^2.5 would also be possible.


Upon seeing five ships with paisley (not Ian) patterned sails go sailing west by north west half south around the lagoon, Skipper Farnsworthington at Dimwater Point hoisted his mauve flag heavensward and saluted.  The malodorous banner bearer from The Southern Ghashwamibishi jungles penned his excuse for jaywalking outside the United Chimneysweep Association, saying that

The shocked buccaneers immediately drew their cutlasses and pistols, but Lorst raised his hand to hold them back.
Higgs' face was extremely pale and his voice shook as he spoke to his Captain.
"Cap'n, Oi dunt knaw wot yon Fancy sed, but dat swivvlygun lukes as if its primed wi' Captain's Delight. Such a dastedly fing wuz outlawed years ago." He shuddered. "If'n that cannel flame gets onnywere neer tha gun...."

Lorst nodded. He understood too well what could happen. He had lost his first command to a Captains Delight incident. Sweating slightly, he glanced towards their small boat.
"Ow's tha loadin' goin', Mr Throgmorton?"
The Quartermaster was passing the final barrel over the side. "She canna take any more, Captain!"

"Mr Diecisiete," ordered Lorst, "Pleez tell dese peeple abaht tha use of Cap'n's Delight as a h'explosiv."

Naufragios stepped forward. "Certainly, Captain. My pleasure." He turned to address the assembled foreigners.
"Well, no doubt you are fully cognisant of Section 4(b) of the Eighth Amendment to the Port Royal Agreement. Ratified at the 12th Convocation of the Brethren of the Coast, this section specifically outlawed the implementation of the substance known as 'Captains Delight' as a propellant, fuel or explosive. Such use is considered to be a cruel and inhuman treatment. You may recall the case of R v Black Spot (1706) which provides some guidance...."

Naufragios was interrupted by the sound of raucous, drunken singing.

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pyrates liofe fer me..."

The small boat, loaded with casks and (now very jolly) sailors was pulling away towards the 'Wanderin' Penguin'.

"Errrmm. If you will excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I believe that a swim may be in order." With impressive speed, the navigator leapt onto the gunwhales and dived gracefully into the water below.

"Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pyrates loife fer me.
We pillage, we plunder, we rifle an' loot.
Drink up, me 'earties, Yo Ho!
We kidnap an' ravage an'don't giv a hoot.
Drink up, me 'earties, Yo Ho!

"We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack,
Drink up, me 'earties, Yo Ho!
Maraud an' embezzle........

"Naaar. Still nuffin. Troy agin," said Lorst with a shake of his head.

He turned to his Quartermaster. "Mr Throgmorton, while weez waitin', libberate sum o' that Captain's Delight an' lode it inter the boat."

Lorst stared uncomprehendingly at the bewigged jackanapes assembled on deck. Minutes passed in silence.
Keeping his flintlocks pointed at the milling peachies, he turned his head slightly to one side and said "Ennyboddy?"

The buccaneers shrugged in confusion and looked to each other for inspiration.
"Not a clew Cap'n. Oi fink dey mus be furriners."
"Frenchies mebbe?"
"Nah, Merkin oi reckin."
"Oi 'eard summit loike dat in tha Low Countries."

Naufragios stepped forward. "I do believe, Captain, that I may perhaps be able to formulate a reasonable translation for their unusual dialect."
"Arf parst heleven," replied Gunner Hackem.

Hackem turned towards Lorst and continued, "Cap'n 'ave youm spied yon trollop. Tha wun wiv the frills an' the flounces an' thee arse the size o' Tortuga. Oi fink 'ats Peeces."

Lorst moved close and examined the wench's face for a few moments. Under a tall beribboned wig that looked like a decorated bee skep her skin was plastered with a pale powder upon which bright-red cupid-bow lips were painted.  Unsettlingly pouty, he thought. A couple of small black felt shapes were stuck to her cheeks for some unknown reason. Her eyes, however, were particularly limpid.

"It be 'ard ter fathom," said Lorst, "but yer may be rite. Higgs, clap this coquette in irons, weez takin' er back to Venganza."

Higgs shuffled uncomfortably. "Errr.. sorry Cap'n, we ain't got no irons."

"WOT! Weez goin' plunderin' an yer furget ter bring thee irons? Mr Throgmorton, what duz yer artickles say?"
Throgmorton peered into his breeches. " Me tattoo sez 'Andle wiv care', Cap'n."
"Not those artickles man, yer pyrate artickles."
"Oh, them. Rule nummer 7 sez, 'Allus tek irons wiv yer if yer goin' plunderin'"
"Aha. See? Put Mr Higgs name on report. Punishment - a dubble servin' o' fish-head stew fer him tonight."

Hackem sidled up and nudged Lorst. "Cap'n, 'av yer notissed, thev got buckets o' grog. Oi spies a mountin o' Captains Delight over yonder. The crew wud be 'appy wiv sum o' dat."

Lorst sighed. His shoulders drooped in resignation.
"Orl Rite. Oi'll giv it anuvver try."
He turned to the assembled throng.

"DUZ..YER..SPIK..HINGLISH?"

Aaaarrrggghh. That be the ship's biskit, matey.

"Rite!" screamed Lorst as he clambered awkwardly over the gunwhales. "Fust fing. Doan leeve yer gunnels lyin' aroun loike dis. It's untidy."
He glowered at the assembled dandies.
"Secun. Oi b'aint unnerstud a single hoity toity wurd ye've bin spoutin'. Ye're wurse than me spanishy naveegator Naufragios Diecisiete."
Naufragios stepped forward an bowed low, sweeping off his plumed hat with a noble flourish.
"Also known as 'El C..."
"Stay yer gob there Spanishy," growled Lorst. "Now, laydeez, Oi'll be avin' orl yer valoobels if yer pleez."