The Continuous Briny Fable

[Aphos]

...sat up and rubbed his head.  "Oh," he exclaimed, "that Cap'n's Delight has quite a punch."

Madame Chantelle, seeing that the constable was coming to his senses, dropped the nightstick, which landed on her big bunion.  This started her howling.

With all the howls, moans and screams in the room it sounded like a...

[DaveL]

...beached humpback whale which had been stranded on shore for several days...

[Aphos]

..., which was what all the whalers in town thought had happened.  They all grabbed their harpoons and headed for the whaling boats.

Amid all the noise and confusion, the two manacled pirates made to escape, sidling out the door.  The moaning, screaming constables didn't see them getting away, but Lil did.  Lil started kicking one of the constables ankles to get his attention.

The constable looked down, then grabbed up little Lil.  "That's assaultin' and officer, that is."  He was going to arrest Lil, but realized that his handcuffs were far too large to fit Lil.  To keep her from running off, he held onto Lil's...

[Griffin NoName]

...... small round body with a fist of steell. Outside, a peaceful protest group began to form with placcards proclaiming stuff like  "free all small creatures too small to defend themselves" and " down with constables". A few at the back appeared to be saying "Bring back fish-head stew" and unfortunately the constabulary over-reacted to this minority and started firing foam (consisting largely of Cap'ns Delight" into the crowd. Soon all the protestors were on the ground clutching their............................

[Aphos]

..noses, for someone had spilled a bowl of fish-head stew.

Meanwhile, Phil made to rescue his girlfriend.  He silently approached the constable, then crawled up his pants leg and bit the constable's...

[Bluenose]

trouser pocket, for it was full of tasty nuts and Phil had not eaten for a while, he needed his strength for the work ahead.  When all the nuts were gone, Phil who was still inside the trouser leg reached across, grabbed and then pulled very hard on the constable's...

[Aphos]

...underwear, giving the constable a wedgie.  The constable yelped and released Lil.  Phil then rappelled down the pants leg, grabbed Lil's hand and ran for the door.

Adding to the confusion, Madame Chantelle hopped around on one foot, tripped and fell into one of the constables.  To keep from falling, he grabbed the Madame's...

[Griffin NoName]

..... tiara which was not anchored with enough hat pins and quickly detatched from her head. The constable found himself flat on his back on the floor in possession of a fake diamond tiara but unfortunately Jones of The Yard arrived and immediately instituted an internal inquiry into stolen diamond tiaras. The constable was locked in a cell without charge for 90 days and the public went wild, demanding the instant release of all tiara thiefs and the cessation of flights over Portsmouth harbour until the .........

[Aphos]

...plague of rushin' pirates about Portsmouth had been cleaned up.

Now, normally, two pirates do not constitute a plague, but these two pirates had been very, very busy.  They had managed to all but corner the  Bilge Rat Illustrated market.  Getting a hold of Lil's copy was the final step in their dastardly plan.

But first, they had to get out of the constable's manacles AND get their beards untwisted.  To do this, they headed to Carl's Blacksmith and Barbershop Boutique on the outskirts of Portsmouth.  Carl was a particularly unsavory character who had been shaving pirates and cutting manacles for over twenty years.  He had studied the arts of barbering under Sweeny Todd, back in the old days.

So the two hurried pirates rushed to Carl's and demanded he cut off their...

[Bluenose]

manacles.  They shouted out loudly "Cut off this blasted man..." But before the pirates could complete the word 'manacles',  they spied someone who owed them 100 Dubloons from a game of Crown and Anchor the previous week.  "Hood!" they cried out to John Hood, their old shipmate.  Carl, not being one to question his instructions, and not noticing that the two were somewhat distracted by the fellow who had just walked into the workshop, reached out and with a large cutlass cut off the nearest pirate's...

[Aphos]

...Manchester Rugby Club pin.

Hood, seeing the two hurried pirates, turned and fled.  The one pirate, seeing his favorite rugby pin fall to the ground, reached down to pick it up while the other pirate attempted to give chase to Hood.  The result was that their manacles and beards yanked taut, straining their...

[Griffin NoName]

.......relationship to breaking point. The bent pirate was dragged along the rough ground which was extremely painful due to his exposed..............

[Aphos]

...roll of film in his pocket, with pictures of...

[Bruder Cuzzen]

...Lilly .... Lilly oh Lil...ly , sang Jolly Roger and Who knows who . Phil was outraged that these long haired minstrels knew his mouse so well , " Hmmff , maybe I should have stayed with that fetching gerbil with the big...

[Griffin NoName]

....side whiskers. Yes, indeedy, they would have tickled my................