Lion Proverbs

[Sibling Qwertyuiopasd]

I was originally inspired by this comic by J. Jacques: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=792

I've sort of expanded to proverbs, and other famous sayings, and you'll see what I mean. anyway, I'll start with the ones I've collected, and the ones in that comic. I'll update this list every time we hit a new page or so.

also, I've bolded the ones I think are best.

"You play with the lion and you're gonna get burned."
"The grass is always greener on the other side of the lion"
"A lion saved is a lion earned"
"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw lions"
"A lion in the hand is worth two in the bush"
"Speak softy but carry a big lion"
"The enemy of my enemy is my lion"
"measure twice, lion once"
"Reports of my lion have been greatly exaggerated"
"I would do anything for lion, but I won't do that"
"Don't look a gift-lion in the mouth"
"To kill two birds with one lion"
"the journey of a thousand miles beings with a single lion"
"do unto lions as you would have lions do unto you"
"Lions should not be afraid of their government, governments should be afraid of their lions"
"Slow and steady wins the lion"
"Lions speak louder than words"
"Beggars can't be lions"
"Birds of a lion flock together"
"Curiosity killed the lion"
"Fight fire with lions"
"Life is like a box of lions"
"Don't judge a man untill you have walked two moons in his lion."

your thoughts?

[Alpaca]

The following is from a recent issue of the New Yorker magazine. Apologies for copying it down as a whole, but things have a nasty habit of vanishing from the New Yorker website.

Aesop In The City
by Yoni Brenner August 13, 2007


The Hawk and the Mouse

A clever mouse is sunning himself in Battery Park, when a hawk swoops down and seizes him in her talons. Whistling through the air, the mouse warns the hawk not to eat him. "Why shouldn't I?" says the hawk. "Don't you know," says the mouse, "that mice are loaded with trans fats?" Alarmed, the hawk releases the mouse and flies away. Several days later, the hawk happens upon an old owl devouring a less fortunate mouse. "Stop!" cries the hawk. "Don't you know those things are loaded with trans fats?" The owl stops eating and says, "What are you, an idiot?"

Moral: You just can't argue with libertarians.



The Fox and the Goat

A fox is offered free tickets from Cindy in P.R. She drops them off after lunch, and the fox is dismayed to find that they are for an experimental Swedish dance company called Leøtåård. He takes the tickets to the goat in the next cubicle. "Leøtåård?" says the goat. "I've never heard of them." "I saw them last week," coos the fox. "The Scandinavian Alvin Ailey. I'll give them to you for ten bucks." And so, while the goat spends the evening in a dank underground space off Avenue C, the fox goes to Ollie's and spends the ten dollars on lo mein. Sure enough, the performance is awful and the goat gets a massive strobe-light headache. Still, inexplicably, he puts his name on the e-mail list.

Moral: Always check the Web site.



The Crow and the Hare

Waiting for the uptown No. 1 train, a hare becomes ill and tumbles onto the tracks. "Help me!" the hare shouts to a nearby crow. But the crow is uncertain. "How do I know you won't eat me?" he asks. "I'm helpless," replies the hare. "Besides, hares do not eat crows." Satisfied, the crow flutters down from the platform and grips the hare by the scruff of the neck. Suddenly, the hare flips around and eats the crow. "That'll show him," he says.

Moral: Hares will eat anything.



The Dog and the Magic Hen

A dog in the East Nineties is lying on the curb when a friendly hen happens by and asks him what's wrong. "My bone," says the dog. "It's stuck under the tire of that Volvo." "I'll tell you what," says the hen. "Come back Tuesday at eleven-thirty and I will make the Volvo disappear." And so the dog returns Tuesday morning and, sure enough, the Volvo is gone. "Amazing!" says the dog, his bone retrieved. "I'll do you one better," clucks the hen. "Come back tomorrow and I will make the cars on the other side of the street disappear." The dog comes back the next day and, as promised, the other side of the street is empty. "Incredible," marvels the dog. "I guess this is why they call you the Magic Hen." "No," replies the hen. "They call me that because I sell acid."

Moral: You didn't hear it from me.



The Mouse and the Donald

Ambling through Central Park one day, a mouse happens upon Donald Trump, trapped in a hunter's net. The mouse asks the Donald if he can be of any assistance. "How could you help me?" scoffs the Donald. "I am Donald Trump and you are just a lowly mouse."

Several years later, the Donald calls the mouse into his office. "Your division underperformed again, Johnson," says the Donald. "Someone's gonna have to take the fall." "But, Donald!" cries the mouse. "Don't you remember why you hired me? How I nibbled through that net and saved you from the hunters?" The Donald thinks for a moment, then replies, "I don't remember it that way."

Moral: Success is fleeting, so keep a paper trail.



The Jackdaw and the Expense Account

A jackdaw takes a job with a prominent consulting firm. One night, after working well past nine, he decides to go to Pastis on the company dime and invites his old friend the hare to join him. After the two have scanned the menu, a server comes to take their orders. "The ravioli for me," says the jackdaw. "And I'll have the lapin à la cocotte," says the hare. The server is aghast. "But, sir . . . that's rabbit." The hare shrugs. "Whatever."

Moral: Hares really will eat anything.



The Lion and the Donkey

A lion and a donkey go to a Knicks game, only to find that their seats are way back in Section 426. "I can't see anything!" moans the lion. The donkey replies, "Aren't you a lion? Just move down." So the lion proceeds to maul his way through the crowd, until he and the donkey find a nice spot on the 200 level. But, by the end of the first quarter, the lion is again dissatisfied and decides to maul his way to half-court seats. By the fourth quarter, the lion and the donkey are courtside. At this point, the lion, his paws caked with blood, scraps of licensed apparel stuck in his fangs, turns to the donkey and says, "They call that defense?"

Moral: You can't field a team with five pure shooters, quirky draft picks, and no inside presence and expect to win more than thirty-five games.


The Wolf, the Sheep, the H.R. Person, Mayor Bloomberg, Al Sharpton, and Jesse the Intern

A wolf applies for a job with the Parks Department. To his chagrin, he doesn't even get a second interview. He disguises himself in a sheepskin and reapplies, but the H.R. person is still unimpressed. Believing that he is the victim of discrimination, the wolf hires a lawyer, who notifies Al Sharpton, who puts in a call to Mayor Bloomberg. The Mayor holds a press conference at which he reaffirms the city's commitment to diversity and offers the sheep, who is actually a wolf, a job. The wolf accepts, and the whole thing blows over. After a month of answering phones, the wolf suddenly throws off the sheepskin and announces to the office that he is a wolf. Inspired by the wolf's example, Jesse the intern suddenly announces that he is gay. The office breaks into applause and everyone goes out for drinks to celebrate.

Moral: It's best to come out of the closet on a Friday, so people can let it sink in over the weekend.

[Griffin NoName]

You can't make a lion out of a sow's purse.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

"It's worth five minutes or five lions"--Great-grandpa Squidly

[The Meromorph]

I'd say these were very funny, but I'd be lion.

[Alpaca]

Parallel lions never intersect.

[Aggie]

"A lion in the hand is worth two in the bush"

A rooster in the bush is worth two in the hand.

[Sibling Qwertyuiopasd]

no. no. just, no.

You lose.

[Aggie]

If you say so, Q...   but I'm speaking from experience at the moment.

[Sibling Qwertyuiopasd]

Exactly.

There's not much more I can say.

[Swatopluk]

Looks like someone drew a lion in the sand here.

There is this whole list of how to catch a lion in the desert by mathematial means.

Let's start with probability:
Put the lion cage into the desert. the probability of a lion being in the cage is >0, therefore one has only to wait.
One can even leave the cage doors locked becasue a lion could enter it by quantum tunnel effect.
But don't be absent too long or the lion may disappear the same way.

[Alpaca]

Ooh, Swato, I love those.

One of my favorites that I read a while ago: Newton's method.

The cage and lion attract each other due to the force of gravity. We neglect friction and wait.

[Swatopluk]

Stochastic method

Take a Laplace wheel, a handful of dices and a Gaussian bell.
Pedal into the desert on the wheel. Once you spot the lion throw the dices at it.
When it comes at you furiously drop the Gaussian bell on it where it will be trapped with the proabability of 1

Bolzano-Weierstrass

Divide the desert with a North-South fence. Check in which half the lion is. Divide that part with another fence East to West.
Repeat this until the fenced area with the lion in it is small enough.

Heisenberg

Location and direction of the moving lion can't be determined at the same time. Therefore only immobile lions can be catched. that part should be easy.

Filtration

Filter the desert through a semi-permeable membrane that lets everything through except lions

[Opsa]

To quote our own Mentalblock:

"Even a stopped lion is right twice a day."

[Swatopluk]

Relativity method

Fly at light spped over the desert. Through relativistic effects the lion is turned flat and can be simply rolled up.

Optic method

Take a telescope and watch the lion from the "wrong" end. Now the lion is small enough to pick it up with tweezers and lock it in a matchbox.

Logical method or "tertium non datur"

Take a cage and a board with nails (or glue, if the RSPCA is around). Tell the lion to choose one. If it refuses to jump on the nails (or glue) it has to go into the cage because there is no third choice.

Inversion at the circle

Put a circular cage at the center of the desert. If no lion is already in the cage go into it yourself and make an inverion at the circle. Thus everything outside (including the lion) is moved into the cage and you out of it (problem solved). But don't stand at the center of the cage or you will be catapulted into the infinite (before you are back at the cage the lion will have learned enough mathematics to reverse the process).