Portsmouth Pirate Public School

[Black Bart]

Arrrr...it brings a tear to me eye...I can still remember the 'Bilge Rat' song what we used ta sing around the old camp fire:

I'VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY POCKET
I've got something in my pocket that belongs across my face
I keep it very close at hand, in a most convenient place
I know you'll never guess it if you guess a long long while
So I'll take it out and put it on, it's a great big Brown Bilge Rat

[pieces o nine]

Wot a loverly camp song!

[Black Bart]

Arrrr it might sound a tad bizarre to strap a Bilge Rat accross yer face loik...but as I remember it, it was a way of henticin other Bilge Rats to their doom.

[pieces o nine]

Dear Principal Cullinane,

Oi'm pleased to announce that the Portsmouth Pirate Public School chapter of Pyrate Scouts International be pursuin their annual Pyrate Scout Cookie Droive. (A speshul packaging scheme were supposed ter be made up sayin "Pyrate Scout Biscuit Droive" fer ye continentals, but hit baint delivered from the printerrr yet.) Pyrate Scouts will be forcing selling cookies/bisquits, at cutlass-point if necessary, until all boxes av been sold or the Scout coffers be full, wotever comes last.

This year we ave 6 luverly flavors:

Weevil Classix: A perrrenial favorite! Cremy weevil butter sandwiched between two hardtack biscuits, garnished wif additional weevils. Yum!

Lumpy Mints: Delishus weevil bisquit dipped hin chocolate, wif a burst o peppermint oil! (Stock up as hantidotes fer fishe heade stewe!)

Moskstraumens: New this year! Gen-oo-wine sea salt from the fjords garnishes these mistereeus mysteryus strange whirlpools o' cookie goodness.

Black Spots: Another crewe favorite! Basic hardtack biscuit himpressed wiv popularrr "pieces o' eight" desoin and garnished wiv a dollop o'chocolate. Ye'll fink ye've died an gone ter pyrate heaven!

Shortbred Skullz: Here be a real treat fer the Cap'ns private pantry! Shortbread wiv a light, buttery flavor that'll ave ye sayin, "Oi can't believe hit isn't Bilge Rat Butter!" (No trance-fat for those wot ave cut trance outten their diets.)

Yarr Crisps: Another crunchy shortbread treat! This one as "Yarrr" hembossed in all yer most popularrr pyratical languages.

We're hexpectin this year's cookie/biscuit droive ter be the best ever! Hencourage yer staff an stoodents ter buy early, buy offen, or we'll run ye through ye'll miss out.

Smartly salutin' ye,
Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap'n Baird Saggingsails

[DaveL]

Dear Pieces,

Those cookies look delicious! You can store them in me office as previous. Oi promise they will be in safe keeping until I eat them all until the fund raiser date which may need to be brought forward to stop me eatin them all

Keep up the good work my stomach our school is at your gratitude.

Koind Regards,


Bill 'Weevil Classix' Cullinane

[Bluenose]

Deer Cap'n Saggunsales,

Them Pyrate Scowts are proven emselfs ter be roight handy in smugglin deliverin the Captain's Delight XO Special Reserve ter our moore desernin kustomers at the sly grog merchents reputable liquor stores in Portsmouth.  Them constables an likker licensin wallers wuld neva think o lookin in a scowt's haversack fer sly grog refreshing beverages, it be brilliant.  Iffen business be keepin on loike it 'as lately Oi'll be able ter cut yer in fer a bit o the action, say 15% o the gross on all "speshul delivries".  O' coarse Oi'll be continuin ter be given the Scowts one hip flask of Captains Delight XO per delivry an' a free pass ter Madam Fifi's fer evry ten completed runs delivries.  The lads seem ter be might keen on this arrangement fer sum reason.

Yours in edumakashun,

Stillmaster Bluenose

[Black Bart]

Dear Principal Cullinane,

Oi'm pleased to announce that the Portsmouth Pirate Public School chapter of Pyrate Scouts International be pursuin their annual Pyrate Scout Cookie Droive. (A speshul packaging scheme were supposed ter be made up sayin "Pyrate Scout Biscuit Droive" fer ye continentals, but hit baint delivered from the printerrr yet.) Pyrate Scouts will be forcing selling cookies/bisquits, at cutlass-point if necessary, until all boxes av been sold or the Scout coffers be full, wotever comes last.

This year we ave 6 luverly flavors:

Weevil Classix: A perrrenial favorite! Cremy weevil butter sandwiched between two hardtack biscuits, garnished wif additional weevils. Yum!

Lumpy Mints: Delishus weevil bisquit dipped hin chocolate, wif a burst o peppermint oil! (Stock up as hantidotes fer fishe heade stewe!)

Moskstraumens: New this year! Gen-oo-wine sea salt from the fjords garnishes these mistereeus mysteryus strange whirlpools o' cookie goodness.

Black Spots: Another crewe favorite! Basic hardtack biscuit himpressed wiv popularrr "pieces o' eight" desoin and garnished wiv a dollop o'chocolate. Ye'll fink ye've died an gone ter pyrate heaven!

Shortbred Skullz: Here be a real treat fer the Cap'ns private pantry! Shortbread wiv a light, buttery flavor that'll ave ye sayin, "Oi can't believe hit isn't Bilge Rat Butter!" (No trance-fat for those wot ave cut trance outten their diets.)

Yarr Crisps: Another crunchy shortbread treat! This one as "Yarrr" hembossed in all yer most popularrr pyratical languages.

We're hexpectin this year's cookie/biscuit droive ter be the best ever! Hencourage yer staff an stoodents ter buy early, buy offen, or we'll run ye through ye'll miss out.

Smartly salutin' ye,
Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap'n Baird Saggingsails

Arrrrrrr...did ye bake em yerself?

[pieces o nine]

Principal Cullinane:

thankee fer yer koind offer o' safe storage. Oi mus ask, tho, that ye eat hentire cookies fer yer cut. Hit be bad fer business ter sell boxes wiv cookies wot ave bites outten them, here an there loike. Nobody believes this be the werk o'bilge rats, if ye ketch me drift.

Smartly salutin' ye,
Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap'n Baird Saggingsails

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Stillmaster Bluenose:

oi am glad ter nose that thee lads be makin emselves ooseful, as they be werkin towards there Community Citizenship merit badges. Hit also be good to ave em off the street and in the alleys, learnin a payin' trade so's they not become a burden to the community (loike the PPPS guidance counselor, or thee Mayor, fer hexamples).

Smartly salutin' ye,
Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap'n Baird Saggingsails

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cap'n Black Bart:

the Pyrate Scout Cookies be made by Cap'n Keebler and his vertically-challenged bakers, in secret locations in thee New World. Oi hopes yer not tryin' to get hinside hinformation to, er, liberate any cookie/biscuit shipments...

Warnin' ye,
Portsmouth Pyrate Crewe Master, Cap'n Baird Saggingsails

[Black Bart]

Dear Cap'n Pieces

Comin out of Pirate speak momentarily...

Did you Graphic Design/Photoshop those biscuits yourself?

Back to Pirate mode...

Harr harr...set a course fer the biscuit trade routes lads...thar be rich pickins on the high seas!

(comin back out of pirate speak...I really do steal biscuits, mostly at work from office meetings and the like...oh yes I'm a real blaggard!)

[Aggie]

Harr harr...set a course fer the biscuit trade routes lads...thar be rich pickins on the high seas!

Got room for anuther ship in yer fleet matey?  Ol' Cap'n Bellinghouse here usually sticks to raiding spice traders, but Oi knows where the Armay Tea Co. ships are at their least protected.... 

[Black Bart]

Welcome aboard me fleet matey...lets get ourselves a biscuit mountain!

[pieces o nine]

Black Bart:
Yes, I PhotoShopped them. You would have wept with envy to see them: even the weevil shadows were perfect. Then I sized it down for a smaller image and lost all me luvverly detail. 



Cap'n Bellinghouse:
Yarrr! I be hinterested in joinin yer raid on the Armay Tea Company...

[Aggie]

Aye, but do we go for the biscuits first, or the tea?

[DaveL]

The Principal
St Winifred's School for Ladies
Portsmouth Heights

Attention: Mrs Penelope Vanderbilt

Dear Mrs Vanderbilt,

As you are well aware, the combined school social is rapidly descending upon us once again. We are pleased that you have offered us one last chance entusiastically embraced this annual event for us to enjoy.

Following last years debacle event in which several of my students were arrested for debauchery reprimanded for exhibiting spirited behaviour, we have decided to adopt the following measures.

Still Master Bluenose will be serving only half strength moonshine a healthy variety of softdrinks in lieu of our student produce.

Bake Master Pieces of Nine will be making sure all students are served only the finest weevils maggots staple food during the event.

We will be commencing the proceedings with a the Naked Scallywags pirate interprative dance ensemble, followed by Big Ron and the Incredible Wind Band who will be feed some hot curries before they come on stage are set to give one of their finest performances of the year.

The social will conclude with light beer music and tea  in our underground still den forecourt garden.

We look forward to raising hell receiving your young ladies at our barnacle infested hovel respectable establishment in the near future.

Kind Regards,

Principal Bill Cullinane

[Bluenose]

Deer Prinserpal Cullinininane Bill,

Oi bin werkin on the 'alf strength moonshine fer the knees up wiv St Winnie's, but every fing we try only increases the halcohol content.  Wun o' them new Poyrate Scowts, Oi fink e be called Pea Ell, suggested we use the standard Captain's Delight XO recipe and just leave out the rat poison seckret ingredient 27.  Wot dyer fink?

Stillmaster Bluenose

PS: there be a carton o hour hexperimental combined hair remover and mouth wash in yer broom cupboard, let me know 'ow it goes.