Portsmouth Pirate Public School

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Principal Cullinane don't look anything loike that there blokie. Oi thinks it be the imposter. O'id be calling Constable Timmins real quick!!

Here be the most recent portrait of Principal Cullinane. O'id say the resemblance is somewhat disimilarrrrr...

[Griffin NoName]

Whoever that bloke be lookin fer is ships, somwun shuld tell im

LOOK BE-IND YE !

[Black Bart]

Look behind me...GAAARRRRR, the age old problem with sailors!  Who in the name of Neptune's Pointy Bits is that bloke with the white beard? 

Is Principle C actually Father Christmas come to take a dreadaful revenge on us all?

[Pachyderm]

Nah, it's me Mum.

She's a bit miffed Oi killed her pet crocodile fer a peg cover.

[Black Bart]

AAARRRRRRR...tis not long til the School Holidays...I pitty the denisons of Portsmouth when we allow this lot onto the streets!

[Griffin NoName]

Surely they will all be doing work experience?

[DaveL]

Dear Pustules, Pupils,

The school holidays be not long enuff, fast approachin'. To help facilitate my debauchery, a smooth transition, I hereby declare that the distillery room will be in my possession, out of bounds for the next two weeks. Mr Bluenose will be makin' some shithot moonshine, undertakin' research for a new product.

In addition, access to the stolen property room shall by limited to Mr Kiyoodle only, who will divvy up the loot, return the the stolen property to the rightful victims, owners.

We trust that you, stay out of prison, enjoy your break. Oi be expectin yers to enjoy yerselves, coz youse are in for a floggin when yers get back.

Best Wishes,

Principal Bill pack yer bags Fifi, we're off to Ibiza Cullinane

[DaveL]

Dear Stillmaster Bluenose,

Can you please provide me with a large crate of your latest contraband school holiday product developments. There is a large crate of moonshine with my name on it a need to me to review the testing standards of our humble facility.

My dirty weekend research into reproductive methods with Mdme Fifi in the foreign markets was a great success. We can look forward to more rollickin fun in the sun people drinkin' Captains Delight in the near future.

Your request for additional distillers has been approved for producing my contraband.

Looking forward to the term ahead.

Kind Regards

Principal Can I be a dog Fifi? Cullinane

[Bluenose]

Deer Principal Cullinnannananne,

Yer request be very timely.  We 'ave jest finished off a special limited run (o' about 30,000 crates) of our new Captain's Delight XO.  Th' XO stands fer xtra orrible, but don't tell the punters - we jest add an extra slosh o rat poison, err sekret ingredient 27.  Our market research indicaits that this will be a winner coz we have made an poncy new bottle wiv even more gold writin on it and 'ave set the price at three times the price o' regular Captain's Delight.  Our marketing genius - young Simon Headbeater in year 12 - reckons all we 'ave ter do is bring out a new version every few months and make it even more expensive than the last and the punters will keep yellin fer more.

BTW, can yer ask Madam Fifi ter sen Francine over when she gets back, the wealts from me last session be nearly healed now and Oi'm feeling loike a nuver session.

Cap'n Bluenose, Stillmaster

[Bruder Cuzzen]

Yarr ! ye  bastids  stoodints , dare has bin mayhem on the school grounds ! All kines a pilliging an sech ! I be roite prowd o' ye lot upset abowt it .

As a reward punushmint me fione promissing pirates the gilltee pardys be receiving a field trip ta the Benbow and Mada.... a stern lecturing .

Kep up yer foine Desist immeadiatly !

  Perfesser Dowsie . Raiding 101 .

[Bruder Cuzzen]

Attention ! Faculty


  Yarr ! Me mateys , as I wuz aboot to tie doan me ship dis morn , a mob of scurvy , lice ridden yung liddle maggots 2nd graders dun stole me skiff wiff me woife onnet !

  Iffen eny ove yas sees dem , ye shud giv em a meddle detenshun widdowt dare bodkins .

  En  day bedder not bin makin a mess ove me skiff !

                  Thank ye , Will

[Kiyoodle the Gambrinous]

Dear Will,

yer ugly wive 'as been found, drunk near the Admiral Benbow last noight. She wos unharmed.

The skiff has been sold unfortunately was not found. The wive will be brought to ye, as soon as she pays her bill to the Admiral possible.

Yers sunceerely

Kiyoodle the Skiff-seller Trustworfy

[Bruder Cuzzen]

 Principal Cullhane ,

                          Wilst loadin up da lass ub ARR supplys at da dock a buncha yer most promising bilge rats stoodints ingaged Arr crew wiff sum copees ub Playbilge Sail and Rope .

As we were drooling marvellin at some big knocke knots da clever dasturdy lot dun cleant us owt !

Brang a tear ta me eye Uh be owtraged ! day desoives it fer bin so clever I deman all our goods be retoined !

      Impressed    Disgussit , Mad Will

[Aggie]

Mr. Bonney,

In response to your recent claim of loss, we regret to inform you that we are unable to pay out the claim on the subject of your policy; she was widely know in Portsmouth for having a bad crack and a nasty hole, and was reckoned by most to likely be leaving you in the near future.  Therefore, we will not compensate you for the loss of your boat. 

We do, however, give our warmest congratulations in regards to the recovery of your wife, and would be interested in discussing with you in the future our extortionate very reasonable rates for life insurance.

Regards,



John Formicloaca,
Accounts Manager
Portsmouth Insurance Bureau

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Mr Formicloaca

For a price, we can tell you where to find Mr Bonney's skiff. We know he has been trying to make false insurance claims and although unsuccessful so far would like to offer you the chance to avoid it going to court.

Secret Seven
Rear of the Bike Sheds
Portsmouth Pirate Public Skkkool

(me mum rote this for me an she sed she will rite agin if kneeded)