Simple Jokes Thread

[Aggie]

I think bright clothing for hunters is universal (we always did).  Archers and waterfowl hunters often abandon this technique, since they need to get closer to the prey.

Hunting accidents generally involve alcohol comsumption....

[anthrobabe]

A favorite tee shirt here in AR is

upside down writing on the back of the tee that says
"If you can read this please put me back in my deer stand and put my beer back in my hand"
I, personally, think it is the stupidist thing I've ever seen(well one of many)
but to each his own!

alcohol and hunting do not mix! In fact-alcohol and tee shirt design do not mix.

[Swatopluk]

How to hunt rabbits.
1. Go into the woods or fields and wait for a rabbit to show up
2. Whistle and it will stand still looking at you
3. Now walk slowly around the rabbit at a safe distance but still in sight
4. The rabbit will follow you with his eyes
5. Shortly before the second round is finished you will hear a crack
6. The rabbit's neck has been snapped by overturning
7. Now you can just collect the dead rabbit without wasting ammo

[Alpaca]

Telling this to my historically-talented friend caused him to punch me.

What was the most popular breakfast food during the Haitian Revolution?

Croissant Louverture, of course!

[Swatopluk]

A pin and a needle have a swimming contest.
The pin wins.
Says the needle: no surprise, you don't get water in the ear

[Aggie]

Ear? The english equivalent is eye.

Besides, the pin had a head start.

[Alpaca]

I must admit, though, that the needle can thread through haystacks quite skillfully. (The head start coment was the best, though.)

[Swatopluk]

Ear? The english equivalent is eye.

Besides, the pin had a head start.

I checked the dictionary and found both (ear and eye).
But water in the eye may be an even greater handicap.

[Aggie]

Does a needle have the same chance of getting to heaven as a camel has to pass through the ear of a rich man? 

Let's get some rich men and camels...  this requires further investigation.

Or perhaps we should evaluate a camel's chances of getting to heaven....

[Alpaca]

Being a member of the camel family, I can tell you that at least a few of my relatives have absolutely no chance.

This has to have been posted earlier in the thread, but here goes another joke on an overdone theme:

God decides he's gonna sue the devil, and calls the devil up to tell him so. Lucifer laughs and says, "Where're you gonna get a lawyer?"

Ooh, that reminds me of an email I have to write.

[Swatopluk]

Maybe the camel has to be smoked to go to heaven (does smoked salmon go there?)

[Pachyderm]

I most sincerely hope so.

Man walks into a bar, buys a beer, and then he notices a stall at the back, with an Indian sitting in it. (Native American Indian, not one from the sub-continent) He asks the barman what it is all about.

"Oh, he is the amazing Memory Indian. Always knows the answers. Never been proved wrong."

So our intrepid adventurer makes his way over, and asks the Memory Indian what he had for breakfast on the 23rd of July, 1967.

Difficult to prove, but this is not his first bar of the afternoon.

"Eggs. Two eggs"

Ten years pass, and the guy is back in town at a conference. He remembers about the bar and the Indian, and drags some of his colleagues down there. The amazing Memory Indian is still there, and doesn't seem to changed at all. Our hero walks up to him, and says

"How"

"Fried"

I'll get me coat...

[Swatopluk]

How many elephants fit in a red Volkswagen? 4, 2 in front, 2 in the back.
And how many giraffes? None, the car is occupied by elephants.
How can you know that elephants are in the scyscraper? Red Volkswagen standing in front of it.
How can you know that the elephants are somewhere on the top floors? Peanut smell in the levator.
How can you know that they were in a fridge there? Footprints in the butter.

Why has the elepahnt red eyes? In order to better hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? You see, the camouflage works.

Why doe the elepahnt were blue socks? The red ones are wet.
Why does he swim upside down? He doesn't want the blue ones to get wet too.

[Sibling Lambicus the Toluous]

WARNING: POOR-TASTE JOKE








Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?







A: Whatever you want - he still won't come!

[The Meromorph]

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which went almost unnoticed last week.


Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.