Simple Jokes Thread

[Swatopluk]

Why do hens lay eggs?

If the threw them, they'd break.

Works even better in German where the term for litter (mammalian animal kids born together) is 'Wurf' (throw), so a sow actually throws her young in German.

[Swatopluk]

If jurists would write biology textbooks, one would read sentences like:
"All flying animals lay eggs with the exception of those that possess an endoskeleton* but are not birds"

*alternatively: are warmblooded (not strictly true for some bats)

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

If jurists would write biology textbooks, one would read sentences like:
"All flying animals lay eggs with the exception of those that possess an endoskeleton* but are not birds"

*alternatively: are warmblooded (not strictly true for some bats)

Most (if not all) birds are warmblooded, AFAIK.

One of the pieces of the puzzle claiming dinosaurs were too.

[Swatopluk]

If you read the sentence correctly it says in essence: Insects and birds lay eggs, bats (non-birds that are warmblooded/with endoskeleton) don't.
Or shorter, bats are the only flying animals not laying eggs.
But that's not how a jurist would word it
I currently have to go through chemical law for an exam and it's full of
1. All X have to do Y
2. Those X that are Z are exempted from doing Y
3. That does not apply to Z that are also A
=> All X that not Z, unless they are also A, have to do Y

[Griffin NoName]

That's like the old puzzles.

Mrs Brown lives in a white house, Mrs Green lives in a green house, all people in red houses have walking sticks, etc etc.

[Griffin NoName]

Good old racist joke..............

An Arab Sheik, with a particular blood type, was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
The doctors needed additional blood prior to the operation. This rare type of blood couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type.
The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, some diamonds & 10,000 US dollars.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through some corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

[Opsa]

Good one! 

[Griffin NoName]

<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>

[Swatopluk]

Teacher: Where do thunderstorms come from
Pupil: my granny
Teacher:
Pupil: Every time there is a thunderstorm my granny sighs in relief and says: At last. I had it in my bones for days

[Swatopluk]

An Australian got a new boomerang for Xmas.
Since then he has tried unsuccessfully to throw the old one away.

[roystonoboogie]

Update of an old joke:

There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
And those who know this joke is actually in base 3.

[Aggie]

Why do hens lay eggs?

If the threw them, they'd break.

Works even better in German where the term for litter (mammalian animal kids born together) is 'Wurf' (throw), so a sow actually throws her young in German.

Q:  What's the difference between me* and eggs?

A: Eggs get laid.


_{*insert target of joke here as desired. I like a bit of self-defecating humour now and again.}

[Aggie]

Attention, grammar freaks:  



For Swato:


(bilingual webcomic 

[Aggie]

Have you heard about the Marvel Comics corporate hockey tournament?  Every year, they get together to compete for the Stan Lee Cup.