"It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

[Aggie]

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines. He also claimed responsibility for the infamous baguette sabotage in November last year.

Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.

Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.

Professor Brian Cox, a former CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

Story here, but that's pretty much the full text.

[Swatopluk]

Sounds like either April 1st or a new branch of teabaggers

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

..or both?

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

Or he's screwing with everyone. Or he's crazy. I'm inclined to think he both because this is toooo funny.

[pieces o nine]

It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening.

At least health care is no longer being rammed down their throats!   

[Sibling DavidH]

He's obviously genuine.  The tie, the tweed, the blender - all clear evidence.  And NB he vanished from his cell.

[Ageis]

Does anyone else find themselves hoping the new Dr Who season features the LHC?
Because this could totally be an episode.

[ivor]

Kinda sounds like 12 Monkeys a bit.  The last line just makes me think it was a late April Fools joke.

Love Dr Who and Torchwood.

[Lindorm]

Hang on, maybe it's tied in with the new, even bigger LHC-II that's planned for London's Circle Line.

Marvel at the science!

[Swatopluk]

These accelerators are also good against Terminators (at least against the advanced models, not sure about the original ones)

[Lindorm]

If you throw Arnold into the Circle Line Accelerator and turn on the power, will he be transformed to a communist chocolatier?

Oh, besides, isn't Ho Chi Minh one of the most famous examples of a successful communist chocolatier ever? He even trained under Escoffier himself back in his parisian days!