The No-Show Show

[anthrobabe]

I once waited for 15 minutes at a drive up (sonic) for food --- I had given my order but it was never acknowledged, as if the person who had said 'can I help you' had not heard my order--they do reapeat it back to at least pretend they are going to make or sell you what you want and of course to give you the total price, but I never heard a word,not even a crackle like the speaker was malfunctioning and food was coming to the cars on all sides of me, but nothing--anyway I felt guilty about finally giving up and driving off.

so sad gotta quit doing this.

we must impose limits and stop being rugs for people.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

I take the "bitch" label with pride, personally. It means, sadly, that I'm doing a good job looking out for my sanity and dignity.

I think I will avoid any proposed future meetings. I will not promise to be anywhere waiting for her again. I'll just avoid any talk of them. Change the subject. Maybe wave something sparkly around when she mentions it, to distract her.

Good. Tell her to call you if she wants to get something done, and just make it a conference call.

[Opsa]

Maybe I should put this in "Pissed at Myself", but damned if she didn't do it again, today!

She asked us to come to this meeting at 9:30. The other lady said she had this presentation to give us. I showed up at 9:30. I left at 9:52. No cell phone messages. When I got home there was no landline phone message.  I was so annoyed I jusyt went out and gardenened for two hours. I didn't want to even be avaialble by phone. I was too irate.

When I came in, she had called. She said she hoped I had gotten the email that the other lady had sent. She said she hoped I'd call soon, because she could only be there until 10:45. Feh. Too late for that.

I checked my email. The other lady had written at 9 to tell me that Bosslady would be late. Don't you think a phone call would have been more effective? Also, I can't understand why Bossy didn't call here. She called the newbie. I guess she figured she still had annoyance miles left on her.

I emailed back to them both stating that I would not be attending any more meetings. Oh, help me remember to hold my ground, here.

I'm on the verge of leaving this carp-paying job.

[Aggie]

From now on, should they insist on meetings, they can carry them out in your living room.  Or back deck.  And bring food.

[Opsa]

My patio's always open. Especially if you bring food. Or wine!

[Sibling Chatty]

Ah, but with e-mail, they've "officially" covered their bases, even if it was sent after you left the house.

Tell her to cover the cost of a phone that can get e-mail AND notify you of it...oh, and to cover the monthly charges as well, and you'll check e-mail "on the road", otherwise, they'll just have to learn to pick up a phone...to let you know when they'll actually show up at your house, with the food. And wine.

People like that need to learn to grow the f**k up and quit being prima donnas.

[Opsa]

  Hee hee, you always know how to make me laugh.

You're right, she really is like a bratty kid, the way she so dependably comes up with lame excuses. I didn't even have to hear her late phone message. It was full of blame for everyone but herself.  Sheesh, the woman is ten years older than me and has grown children and yet she must think she's pulling this carp off, somehow.

But... I don't have to play, do I?

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Perhaps it's because I'm Hispanic and we tend to be notoriously late for meetings, but -if you allow my insistence- a cellphone call before the meeting to confirm is IMHO a good idea. Technically you shouldn't have to, but if you want to keep the job and your sanity it works better than trying to 'educate' someone older than yourself.

Now, if you call 30 minutes before the meeting, she says "sure, I'll be there!" and she isn't, then we are talking about a very different thing.

[Opsa]

This is not the case, Zone. My dad is habitually late and I know to count on that. This Bosslady is just irresponsible. If I had called the meeting, I might call to double-check if I had an habitually late person to meet, or make sure that the meeting place was entertaining (say- at a bookstore). This woman is sometimes there, sometimes not. The last meeting she just blew us off completely and went to lunch. I think I have not forgiven her for that. Particularly since she has not expressed any apology.

[anthrobabe]

Perhaps it's because I'm Hispanic and we tend to be notoriously late for meetings, but -if you allow my insistence- a cellphone call before the meeting to confirm is IMHO a good idea. Technically you shouldn't have to, but if you want to keep the job and your sanity it works better than trying to 'educate' someone older than yourself.

Now, if you call 30 minutes before the meeting, she says "sure, I'll be there!" and she isn't, then we are talking about a very different thing.

Oh so I see my family is not the only family I know of to run on the dreaded --- be there when we get there time.... 
For example we have what we call "Tucson or Reno" time-- most of my family are hispanic--- therefore regular mere mortal time does not necessarily apply----
however-- we are all aware of this, know it is a family/cultural thing (except for me, I am early or something is really wrong).
But naturally we understand what Opsa is talking about--- and the situation is intollerable.

[pieces o nine]

What a couple of you are describing is also known as PST: Pagan Standard Time. (Although I don't tolerate that excuse past 15 minutes unless there has been an emergency!) Cultivating a silent, unblinking, poker-faced stare comes in quite handy, sometimes...

I'd agree with Sibling Zono about a confirmation call, though. Having to 'manage up' is aggravating, but not as aggravating as allowing a lazy or thoughtless ... superior ... walk all over you. I'd call her one hour (plus commute time) before the next scheduled meeting to confirm whether the meeting is still on. (If you want to, call her 24 hours before as well. You know: just like you'd do with any airline known for inconveniencing people with no warning or reason, then offering a flip apology with no subsequent improvement in behaviour.)

If she has her cell off, you could leave a message that it is X o'clock, one hour + your commute time before the scheduled meeting, and you are confirming that it is still on since there have been [dramatic pause] mixups  [dramatic pause] the last X  times. Add that if you don't hear from her within [commute + parking time + 15 minutes] you will have to conclude that something has come up on her end. Again.  So sorry; she can ring you back when she wants to reschedule...

[Sibling Chatty]

We call that MST (Moron Standard Time).

My nephew-in-law, being black, calls it the predictable CPT, and every time he does I accuse him of stereotyping,because it's NOT just 'CP' that do it. He's moving on to MST, but reserves the right to also call that M as Mothers, as his wife (my niece) would kick his butt otherwise.

We have one friend that's so predictably late that I used to win bets on exactly HOW late she'd be. (22 minutes, usually right on the nose. She even sets her clocks 22 minutes ahead...and has thus trained herself to think "I have an extra 22 minutes" when she looks at a clock.)

For anything involving a meal, we just serve (or order) on time, and she can deal with it...

If she were 'my boss', I'd just refuse to play the game.

[anthrobabe]

Oh those people--
the ones who set the clocks ahead,
there are specific tortures awaiting them in the 'afterlife'--- they are the worst.

Opsa-- don't play her game, she might be the 'boss' but she is not a deity under any circumstances. I agree with a --- hey it is one hour till X call with a I can wait 15 minutes reminder-- but there are limits.

[Aggie]

Oh those people--
the ones who set the clocks ahead,
there are specific tortures awaiting them in the 'afterlife'--- they are the worst.

I am those people, but I keep them fairly randomly advanced, so I have to treat them as being more or less correct.  Will adjust by useage so it ends up being "if it says the time you need to move, move NOW".  I am activity-inertial and don't move from what I'm doing easily.

[Griffin NoName]

I have two alarm clocks set to go off randomly for an hour and a half before I have to get dressed........ they all have snooze features so I spend the hour and a half angrily pushing buttons...... by the time the THIRD alarm clock goes off (which is last chance saloon), and is placed in an inaccessible pain to reach place, I am so cross it is a relief to leave home.

If I can manage it, anyone can.