The No-Show Show

[Opsa]

Grmbl... I just got back from a meeting that was supposed to start at noon. The person calling the meeting didn't show up. Ever. And didn't leave a message with me about cancelling. I was there for TWO HOURS! And... this is the second time she's done this.

She is sort of an eccentric person and I supposed is rather flakey. I am too, but I don't let people sit around and wait for me for two hours without any notice. She is wealthy-ish. Maybe she can afford to blow off paupers like myself. I know this isn't very humble of me, but gee- TWICE?

I do a web-site for her. She has skads of ideas, but is not a doer, like I am. (And MB calls himself a whippin' boy!) She has brought in another person to help. This other person is full of ideas as well. I hope she'll be more of a doer. The other person told me she'd be late, and she was. Then she had to take her sick kid home from school and didn't stay. The Boss Lady had talked to her and told her that she had gone out to lunch at a local fancy restaurant. Meanwhile, there I was in her empty office rattling around trying to feel important and wasting a perfectly lovely day when I could have been doing something more productive, like laundry, drinking iced tea and staring at the clouds.

I don't know what to say to this person. She can be really very nice and positive, but honestly, I don't want my time wasted like that. I'm sure she'll be very apologetic (like she was last time), but now I am convinced that this will happen again and no stern talking-to will change this.

Maybe I should say that I won't be attending any more meetings. Really, we get more things discussede by email, anyway.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Do you have her cellphone? Call her half an hour before the meeting and try get a straight answer from her (regarding her attendance). If that doesn't work, well, perhaps you shouldn't work for her.

[Griffin NoName]

Peope like that drive me nuts. I certainly wouldn't go to any more meetings. Let her come to you so you can just get on with things.

[Sibling Chatty]

Since she seems to be able to remember to eat, maybes she should have all meetings catered. That way, shell be there to eat...and PAY for it.

That you're a volunteer and she disrespects your schedule is, sadly, typical of some of the more affluent members of American society. They're not paying for it, so why bother? It's not like your time is important. (If it were, she'd be paying...money is, after all, the meaning of everything.)

Next time she wants a meeting, tell her that you've tried that twice, and you've wasted hours waiting for meetings  that didn't happen. Next time, SHE comes to pick you up, and brings you home after, so that until there's actually a physical embodiment of her at your door, you don't have to waste your day.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

You waited TWO hours? 
I wait fifteen minutes, and then I leave, unless they call me and give me a legit reason to wait.
Might she another GATE mommy? Tell her to be on time, or she'll be finding someone else to do it.

[anthrobabe]

Fluffy is free for the next meeting
fluffy has no problem going to fancy eating place and finding lost no shows



the big question is why do we do this to ourselves (you are not alone)--we are busy, intelligent women with places to go and things to do that are important (and iced tea and clouds certainly do count!) but  so often we feel we must wait, and wait, and wait--- is it ingrained in us that deeply that to not wait will make us bitches? This is abuse-abuse of someone's creativity and time and feelings.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

I'm with Scrib-- I wait 15-20 minutes, and I'm outta there.

In fact, when I go into Fast Food, the wait time is less.  More that 3 minutes or so, I'm gone.  If I wanted to wait for the food, I would have gone to a place that serves decent, sit-down meals.  I'm in there because it's fuel..... as in Fast food. 

Is why I seldom go through the drive-up:  you're trapped in the line in most places, no option to vacate your position and go somewhere else.

I think of it as voting with my feet.

[Opsa]

Thank you so much for your good advice and support.

This morning I found an email she had sent at 5:18 p.m. which was predictably apologetic. She said she probably just missed me. She asked if I had her cell phone number and that I should have called her and she would have come right away! 

I wrote back that I'd be at the office at noonish every Wednesday and if no-one showed up I would tend the greenhouse and go home. I also told her that since she didn't keep the date that it was she that really should have called me. I reminded her that I have a life. I hope I didn't sound too snippy, but I really believe she hasn't a clue, so now I've given her one to do with what she will.

I love Chatty's idea of her having to pick me up. I will keep that in mind.

Anthro's right, too- about not wanting to be a bitch. I don't know whether it's only women that feel that way- it's probably anyone who wants to play nice, be patient and give others the benefit of a doubt. I actually felt guilty for leaving when I did. Can you believe that?

[Griffin NoName]

TWO HOURS and you felt guilty.

Twenty mins, I would have. Thirty five mins no way. One hour I'd have felt angelic.

[Aggie]

Anthro's right, too- about not wanting to be a bitch. I don't know whether it's only women that feel that way- it's probably anyone who wants to play nice, be patient and give others the benefit of a doubt. I actually felt guilty for leaving when I did. Can you believe that?

I think it's much easier for a man to get away with a 'tough but fair' approach, and be respected for it.  Even a whip-cracker will tend to be labelled a hard-ass rather than an asshole, provided they are somewhat reasonable.  OTOH, women who are not sweet accommodating DO tend to get the 'bitch' label thrown at them.  At the same time, being sweet and accommodating (either gender) seems to get you stepped on.

It's a hard line to walk.

[Opsa]

I guess I will have to look upon it as a test for my patience.

I would like to be a more patient person, but where does one draw the line?

She has written again, kind of laughing it off. While I am glad we are still on good terms, I am finding my faith in her to have fallen. I want to be helpful and do good work on the site, but I don't want to be inconvenienced again.

[Darlica]

So she laugh it off...

She need to be reminded that your time is as valuable as hers.

She's the boss of this thing, but is there someone else who can give you the information she can give you or whatever it is you need from her?

I'd set up meetings in my home or some other place that is convenient for me. Or I would just tell her: I'll leave after 15 minutes if you don't show up or at least call and no meetings no web site.
And ask her if she knows how to set the alarm clock on her cellphone...

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

And ask her if she knows how to set the alarm clock on her cellphone...

Or, if she frequently uses the phrase, "that's hot!"

[pieces o nine]

...
She has written again, kind of laughing it off. While I am glad we are still on good terms, I am finding my faith in her to have fallen. I want to be helpful and do good work on the site, but I don't want to be inconvenienced again.

In the words of Miss Piggy, "On the other hand, if (s)he treats it in an offhand manner, (s)he is obviously the kind of person who is not going to knock (her)self out for you, and you should do it for (her)."

Metaphorically, of course... 

[Opsa]

Ah, Miss Piggy is surely the living Goddess in Porcine puppet form.

I think I will avoid any proposed future meetings. I will not promise to be anywhere waiting for her again. I'll just avoid any talk of them. Change the subject. Maybe wave something sparkly around when she mentions it, to distract her.