The No-Show Show

[Sibling Chatty]

I am those people, but I keep them fairly randomly advanced, so I have to treat them as being more or less correct.  Will adjust by useage so it ends up being "if it says the time you need to move, move NOW".  I am activity-inertial and don't move from what I'm doing easily.

Err, since when are you actually me? Because you seem to be...

[anthrobabe]

Oh those people--
the ones who set the clocks ahead,
there are specific tortures awaiting them in the 'afterlife'--- they are the worst.

I am those people, but I keep them fairly randomly advanced, so I have to treat them as being more or less correct.  Will adjust by useage so it ends up being "if it says the time you need to move, move NOW".  I am activity-inertial and don't move from what I'm doing easily.

well then I see that I might have some rethinking to do on the subject
and my opinion of 'those people'
hmmmmm
but then again you would show up 'there' with a portable airconditioner and 5 thousand feet of power cord and THIS

[Opsa]

Could I tell her where to stick it?

I got an email from Bosslady on Saturday. She and CroneyPal have decided that I am evading work, somehow. I've been dependably doing this site for her for fifteen months, CroneyPal shows up, they have halk-baked ideas and sometimes show up for meetings they call and I am somehow to blame for what they haven't acheived. Interesting slant.

I do believe I'm outta there.

[Aggie]

Ayuh, time to drop this one in the 'Fuck-it Bucket'.

[Opsa]

kerrrrrrrr...PLUNK!

[Griffin NoName]

I've often found collaborating on websites unsatisfactory. Typical are queries as to why no progress when one is waiting for content that They are supposedly writing. Or when waiting for answers as to which of the samples They want to go ahead with. etc. etc. My theory is that it has something to do with the virtual aspect as authors who pass deadlines for books generally are at least aware a deadline has passed. Even when I invoke the concept of the deadline it doesn't seem to register....... when one is passed the question "but what was I supposed to be doing" is a common response. I think the problem is conceptual.

Get well away from BossLady. Let her make her own discoveries LOL.

[Opsa]

Thank you, Doll-face, and you're absolutely right. She just wrote to me again and it became frighteningly clear that she had no idea whatsoever how things are done. Even when I explained things to her very specifically she only selectively heard about a third of what I said and turned the rest into whatever suited her needs. Even now she has no idea what the problem is, but I have given up on trying to tell her. I just sent my resignation to her.

It's really funny, because she told me that the guy that I replaced is back in town and could help.  According to her, he was undependable. I suggested that she get in touch with him. 

[Griffin NoName]

Having fun trying to imagine what her picture of dependable is

[pieces o nine]

It's really funny, because she told me that the guy that I replaced is back in town and could help.  According to her, he was undependable. I suggested that she get in touch with him. 

There's a local guy who made the rounds of free-lance, self-employed seamstresses doing much the same thing. Over-promise, under-deliver, unreasonable deadlines, withheld information, the whole gamut. When he enraged one to the point of no return, he would tell her snarkily that she was 'undependable' and move onto the next.

Eventually he hit critical mass and now is having difficulty getting anyone to take on his 'projects'. Sounds like your boss lady is riding that same trail. I am sorry that she is causing problems for you, but it sounds like you will be better off without her. May the next client be a better one!

[Opsa]

Thanks. I had been hearing warning signals from other people, but now I know for sure.

This isn't the first time this sort of person has appeared in my life. I need to think long and hard about what sort of thing I need to look out for. I also need to think long and hard about what I need to improve in myself.

She said that I put too much value on my time ( gee- is my life too important to me, or what?) and that I have a short fuse (unfortunately, I think she's right on that one.)

[Griffin NoName]

This isn't the first time this sort of person has appeared in my life. I need to think long and hard about what sort of thing I need to look out for. I also need to think long and hard about what I need to improve in myself.

She said that I put too much value on my time ( gee- is my life too important to me, or what?) and that I have a short fuse (unfortunately, I think she's right on that one.)

People who find fault with others are often projecting things they hate in themselves.

Improve? Not a word that springs to mind. How about Change? From the sound of it you don't put enough value on your time, and your fuse is too long - I wouldn't call waiting for her to arrive as long as you did a short fuse !

[Sibling Chatty]

Just tell her that her reputation proceeded her, and you should have listened.

And that YOU have to value your time, because it's obvious SHE doesn't...oh, and that according to others doing the same type of' work', they'd have pitched it back in her inadequate hands after the first selfish, self-centered and rude no-show.

Money, or a pretense of money does NOT buy power, and it's certainly no excuse for crappy manners. Perhaps she needs to learn that to get along in the real world, not just in the 'spoiled, self-centered Prima Donna World' she's living in.

The free-lance web guy around here? Meetings that are productive? Free.
Meetings where he sits and waits? Bill at $50 per quarter hour, one hour minimum.
Our "Library Committee" learned that the hard way. They were 13 minutes late walking to the 'meeting' from lunch, and he handed them a bill for $200, to be paid before he did anything else. At that point, they'd bought nothing but 45 minutes of attendance, and he told them so.

Next time, they were early and had lunch delivered...and they got 4 hours, no charge, because they were ready to work when they walked in.

It's easy to have a short fuse when one is CONSTANTLY being burned...

[anthrobabe]

kerrrrrrrr...PLUNK!

Right on lady!

[Opsa]

Thanks sibs, your moral support is priceless. She's emailed me a few times, but I just avoid her arguements and bluntly answer any technical questions.

What's difficult is knowing when to bother to try to let people know what the problem is and when to just get out as cleanly as possible. She wrote long emails full of incorrect assumptions and I was tempted to go through and sort each out, but then I realized that if she hasn't been listening for 15 months she isn't about to suddenly start listening now. So why torture myself by continuing the arguements?

Sometimes I've felt that if I'd done something thoughtless to someone I'd want to know what it is so I would at least have the chance to figure out how to change and become better once the defensiveness wore off. So I'm always tempted to give people a clue when I have perceived something wrong done to me. I think what I need to learn is that most things are  better left alone. If you're dealing with loved ones, they may come around eventually and reach an understanding with you. If you're dealing with self-centered jerks, they will not be listening anyway.

[pieces o nine]

What's difficult is knowing when to bother to try to let people know what the problem is and when to just get out as cleanly as possible. She wrote long emails full of incorrect assumptions and I was tempted to go through and sort each out, but then I realized that if she hasn't been listening for 15 months she isn't about to suddenly start listening now. So why torture myself by continuing the arguements?

That can be a difficult call. You don't want her to assume that your lack of correction = agreeing with her errors. (Of course, you can't control what she will say about you, no matter how meticulously you attempt to present correct information, because...

If you're dealing with self-centered jerks, they will not be listening anyway.

If  I were in your position, and if  I thought this person had the clout to impact my future options, I might try one last-ditch correction -- for the sake of documentation only. That is, I might send one mail noting that the inaccurate* assumptions I had been trying to correct for the last (X period of time) still seem to be intact, and that my decision to cease repeatedly addressing them point-by-point in no way endorses those errors. If she reviews past messages, she can determine the correct answers for herself, or, if she prefers, I can act as a consultant at ($X/hour) to clarify it for her yet again, and she can sign for a dated copy of the material reviewed at that session. I might even add something from Chatty's suggestion: that she if chooses the consultant option she will be billed for a minimum (X) hours of my time at ($X/hour), even if she fails to keep the appointment or to notify me in a professional manner that she needs to reschedule. [cough cough]

This will not improve her business manners or reasoning ability, but you'll have documentation that you went the extra mile in trying to convey accurate information and to make clear to the client/boss/whatever that there are problems and they aren't yours. Might help with a future client, or it wouldn't be worth it.

Or you could just cut her loose and not respond to her emails. At all. 


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*I have found that the word 'inaccurate' does not raise the hackles in the same way that 'incorrect', 'wrong', or 'lying' do, often allowing me to sneak my message in under someone's defense radar.

Odd, that.