The All New PlayBilge Magazine

[beagle]

You've been watching that Woody Allen film again.

[Black Bart]

Nope. Got lots of sparkly women's lingerie already.  Oops.

Think you're conning me anyway. It's way below Dolly Parton size, let alone BB.

No one could afford that many diamonds...not even rich buggers like Damian Hurst!

[Swatopluk]

You've been watching that Woody Allen film again.

I would never...and I definitely don't know how to handle tits.

[Black Bart]

Special Playbilge report on the Pirate Raidin Party.

It be goin well...no serious casualties yet, although Walktheplank has turned into Cilla Black (an improvement in my opinion).  The Black Spot had a post deleted for bein reckoned ta be hobscene!  I as tried me best to offend everyone but I has failed.  They don't even know who Capn Cronan is!!! 

The biggest news is...we found E Razer!

At the moment we are about ta launch a recruitin drive fer the Pirate Public School!

YYYYAAARRRRRRR!

[Griffin NoName]

Send E.Razer me parrots best regards and one of is white fevvers.

[DaveL]

RAIDING PARTY UPDATE No.2

YArrrrr...DaveL raiding party correspondent 'ere.

Indeed it be going well.

* We had the most people ever log onto Omnia, 559 when we started posting.

* Other news...well the boys got me married off to Pirgella.

* Bart's old cloning experiments have resurfaced

* I manged to fire a few broadsides at a cheeky little cabin boy that got up me nose.

* Ditto - trolls that got up me nose. Heckling is such a fine pirate art!

* A few old pirates came out of the woodwork - remember Pachyderm, Kaoshin00

* Bart and I got into a few heckling contests and have managed to 'take the mickey' on many occasions.

Well back to the war room!

[Griffin NoName]

All very well, but where's Miss July?

[DaveL]

Oh yes, I'll get back to you shortly. After the photo shoot. 

[DaveL]

MISS JULY

Name: Miss Portsmouth Fair 1707 - Edwina McSporran

Occupation: Colonel Cutlass Shop Assistant

Likes: The art of poultry preparation, usin brushes on Sunday dinners, lookin voluptuous durin the most borin' of tasks, preparing the Colonels secret herbs and spices.

Dislikes: Big Ron's aggressive marketing, Sail-away restaurants other than Colonel Cutlasses

Where will you be in 5 years time: Now that I've won Miss Portsmouth, O'i hops to open me own chain of Colonel Cutlass franchises.

[Black Bart]

AAARRRRGH...Ye've distracted me from me raidin again! 

Does she do puddings aswell?

[anthrobabe]

Letter to the editor...

Dear Editor,
I thank you in advance for running this humble missive through your spell check.
Due to the letters of anger from certain members of the community
(mainly the ones from Sister Tankardsly at St Agathas home for wayward girls) and I still maintain my innocence- I've never once recruited barmaids there at all!-
anyway
due to complaints
this publication is now behind the counter and all persons must show appropriate ID (or bribe me) to purchase it

Sincerely
Saucy Gert Pettigrew

[Aggie]

Gert, you'll not get proof of intelligence from this lot, let alone the design bit!

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

There be nuthin more intelligent than the art of basting a turkey.

[anthrobabe]

I had a delightful caption for that turkey bastin photo then thought wisely not to post it
I'd probably be banned on at least 3 continents----




My favorite thing of all is when I can make my grown daughter look at me in shock and go "Mother!"- in that special tone of voice she has.

[The Meromorph]

My delight when my kids were growing up was to provoke a "Daad-dee!" in that voice...
That's when I knew I was doing my daddying right!