So much for that, friend

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

I have a friend that, as the end of our senior year of high school loomed, said to me, "We can't loose contact!"
To which I agreed. I like her a lot, and I respect her very much, despite certain flaws that I normally would ditch someone over (she's rather anti-semitic, for example, and I have Jewish friends and relatives, and moreover, I believe that's its inherently an evil bias). Her mind and personality make up for the flaw, in addition to the fact that she doesn't often show it.
However, I have gotten progressively more irritated with her. I have initiated all contact since the end of summer. And I have talked to her twice, and seen her twice, despite messaging and calling her a couple of times since August. One of these times, I had stopped by her work place to buy something, and she happened to be working at that time.
I don't begrudge her the last time we all made arrangements to get together--her parents' anniversary was that day, and they make her be their sober driver (which, on one hand is sad because they USE her, and on the other, hilarious because they're Muslim).
I realize she has a hectic schedule, but she could at least MESSAGE me once in a while. I've rearranged my life twice for her, and each time she's canceled on our group. I've attempted to call or text her a few times, and we've tried to get together a couple times, and she's not been available.

I'm trying to get us together (I am the unofficial organizer, because I'm the best at organizing people out of the six of us) at least once over Spring break, and if she fails to at least call me or show up, I'm simply going to give up. I love her to death, but I refuse to waste my time on a one-sided relationship. I have better things to do with my time.
If she re-initiates contact down the road, then that would be fine with me, but I will no longer call her or bother to do anything about the lack of contact.

[Griffin NoName]

Sounds like "we can't lose contact" was an instruction.

Often the ones we keep in touch with are not the ones we expect to.

Sometimes those one is closest to are the quickest to disappear; my close friend all through college the last two years is too busy with boyfriend and job to even chat on the phone now. While at college we spoke several times a week.

It's sad.

Somehow tho, I move on and make new friends. Funny process.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

I think I made it out that it was said in a serious tone. She was sort of freaking about the end of high school and it was in that sort of, "Please!" sort of tone.
And she knows me better than to order me to do anything. Likely as not I'd have told her no if she attempted to do that. I do not take orders from much of anyone well.
Although she also probably knows how much I value my friendships--which is to say an awful lot, so she may have been counting on that, without realizing it.
It is sad. We'll see how she chooses this spring, though.

[Griffin NoName]

Even in panic/please mode, it still reads like shifting responsibility. That's what I meant by "instruction". I'm sure you don't get ordered around. Shifting responsibility is subtler than that.

But....I wasn't there, so I am just guessing.

You will find out !!!!  Hope you keep friends with her.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

True. Hadn't thought of it like that.
I hope so too.

[Darlica]

Losing friends is always hard.

But if she's anything like a couple of my bests friends she doesn't realise how you feel unless you tell her.
Give her a chance, set up a meeting just the two of you and tell her that you are sick and tired of being the one who always make contact. If she say's shes sorry and promise to better her self fine, if she shruggs her sholers and dosn't understand what you are talking about; let her go.

Now two, wait, all three of my closest friends get away with being lazy when it comes to keep up the contact (it's just their personality they are the bohemes with their heads among the clouds and I'm the one firmly attach to the ground ) and they always return my calls or messages, if they stpot doing that I guess I would just stop calling them. However other not so close friends need to be more active or I stop calling/ writing after a rather short period of time.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

We've only been friends for two years (which, for me, is a very short amount of time), but it was us and a few others together for three or more hours a day for five days out of seven, all year long. So we got pretty close.
I will have to try that. I need to figure when she's working next, and swing by. I'm not sure how she'll react to me telling her she needs to be the one that picks up the phone some times. It depends a lot on what mood she's in when I catch her, I think.
And Darlica, that's how most of my relationships are, too. With the group she and I belong to, dynamics have made me group-mommy. So I was continually reminding them about certain things.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

And she is forgiven! She apparently saw my more-than-slightly pissed/"I have no faith in you right now" bulletin on MySpace, and responded to me just now. Her phone's all funky and not picking up calls, and she apologized about the ignoring messages. And this is her first offense, so she's forgiven.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Mmm.. my closest friends, well, I can stop talking to them for months without ill feelings. With time, it becomes harder and harder to spend time with them (for instance, none of my closest friends live at a distance smaller than 4000Km) and life usually takes its toll on everybody.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a true friend is there even if you aren't talking to him/her every week. Obviously, some effort should be made, but sometimes it isn't as easier as you may want it to be. Now, if you feel abandoned expressing it to your friend may help straighten things out, but don't be disheartened if (s)he disappears for some periods of time.

Just my 2c

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

Duely noted. My best friend and I went a year and some without contact, and we're totally cool.
It's just that this friend lives less than ten miles from me and she HAS the opportunity to respond to me online, as I see bulletins and such from her after I've sent over a note. I made all the effort, and was a little bit angry about it, since she didn't even bother to let me know, "Dude, as soon as school calms down, we should go do something. Until then, I'm totally swamped."
I was never angry about the whole can't-get-together-'coz-of-school thing. Just her lack of response when she had the opportunity.

[Griffin NoName]

I have one friend who never ever contacts me except a card at Christmas. I phone her when I want a chat. Been going on for donkeys years.

I think of her as a close friend too.

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

This is true.