Toadfish Monastery

wharlobe - a werewolf's ear.

trossic

The Sixty-One minus Zero Chapter

The wind came with too many memories of burnt hair from fartlighting to be taken seriously. But still the stench lingered on like a stubborn barnacle, unwilling to let go however strong a disinfectant

 

The wind goes through you like mouldy fruit.

The Sixty-One minus Zero Chapter

The wind came with too many memories of burnt hair from fartlighting to be taken seriously. But still the stench lingered on like a stubborn barnacle, unwilling to let go

guenect - to possivate a guendole by platching with grundle.

positrobe

The Sixty-One minus Zero Chapter

The wind came with too many memories of burnt hair from fartlighting

macbist - A version of Macbeth in Bristol dialect.

spule

The Sixty-One minus Zero Chapter

The wind

Damn cold, and it's trying to snow.

bichwinkle - the true meaning of this word is too notty to mention, so I shall make up an innocent explanation:

- to extract a female dog from a small refuge.


grish

The Sixty-One minus One Chapter

After that ubiquitous afternoon Osgood was not ready to return to the vegetarian slaughterhouse where carrots, fed on green mulch, spring water and beetle juice, were cruelly forced to walk the seventeen miles from the Town Hall to their sinister final resting place in the juicing chamber. Terrible tales of botanical abrasions caused by an overexposure to sodium pentothal hydrochloride frightened Osgood into subscribing $15,000 to "Business Opportunitys" latest fiasco, buying nuclear bicycles at the behest of creationists at the inflated price of his previous salary before taxes. Riding on the coat-tails of this unfortunate incident, Osgood's brother Freddie sold the two-wheeled monstrosities at Doctor Foulman's Ride-o-rama for sixpence to buy illegal steroids for his pet granite frog which croaked the alphabet.  Burgers containing granite frog instead of "pink slime" were found in the local abattoir's VIP lounge where coffee (and ersatz wafer biscuits) contained up to 40% equine milk imported from Pagford Stables just outside Scaggsville. It was really no surprise to either Osgood or Emilio's maternal instincts that not a single case was brought under scrutiny by the Department of Sniffing and Eating Anyway, Shapeorform, Md.

Thus was the great adulterated liquid containing horsemeat foodgate instigated. Nobody could have guessed the series of shocking but also orgasm-inducing pre-school lessons that Osgood and his little pals would have. The painless transition from the anthropocene that preceded the asteroid storm helped ease the intestinal paroxysms of those microbes that had intestines. All others that previously refused anti-biotics now exploded or even became Americans.  Obese rednecks got baked tarts from the McDonald's drive-thru whenever they had ridden bareback horses with saddles Made in another dimension. Under the banner of the League of Intemperance and Justification of Needless Tales of Christmasses Past and Future, the Emilionistas - dazed by unclean spirits - manufactured illicit but highly regarded potables to imbibe on New Orleans' sacred nude beaches. But none were better equipped to revive dodos by means of nuclear assisted restratification than the archnemesis of the archbishop of Bantercurry, Cardinal Boytango. This notwithstanding, dead dodos arose in the very slaughterhouse seven reluctant prostitutes dropped their raincoats in, and flapped their flappy webbed feet in paroxysms of ecstasy. When the overwhelming fear of psychedelic zombie-ninjas fractured the transcendental mutterings of Boytango's acolyte written down by Lucifer, the demonic spaniel scribe howled and growled and bit the lid off a can of pungent tomatoes. Attracted by the possibilities and odeur of the ordure and offal waffle, the hounds of Trumpington sniffed, drooled all over the pale, quivering aspic and dilligrout pottage that the superhumans mixed outside the bar-b-q patio. That provoked Boytango's grandmother into opening her purse and spraying pixitol on the curs and moggies which caused immediate protests about the leprechauns who had again gone feral. Indeed, after signing the Declaration of Interdependence at six o'clock in the morning, the leper clowns startled Osgood by chanting wicked haikus with nineteen maidens from Kerrymuir Castle in County McPheiairgoish (pronounced

The Sixty-One minus One Chapter

After that ubiquitous afternoon Osgood was not ready to return to the vegetarian slaughterhouse where carrots, fed on green mulch, spring water and beetle juice, were cruelly forced to walk the seventeen miles from the Town Hall to their sinister final resting place in the juicing chamber. Terrible tales of botanical abrasions caused by an overexposure to sodium pentothal hydrochloride frightened Osgood into subscribing $15,000 to "Business Opportunitys" latest fiasco, buying nuclear bicycles at the behest of creationists at the inflated price of his previous salary before taxes. Riding on the coat-tails of this unfortunate incident, Osgood's brother Freddie sold the two-wheeled monstrosities at Doctor Foulman's Ride-o-rama for sixpence to buy illegal steroids for his pet granite frog which croaked the alphabet.  Burgers containing granite frog instead of "pink slime" were found in the local abattoir's VIP lounge where coffee (and ersatz wafer biscuits) contained up to 40% equine milk imported from Pagford Stables just outside Scaggsville. It was really no surprise to either Osgood or Emilio's maternal instincts that not a single case was brought under scrutiny by the Department of Sniffing and Eating Anyway, Shapeorform, Md.

Thus was the great adulterated liquid containing horsemeat foodgate instigated. Nobody could have guessed the series of shocking but also orgasm-inducing pre-school lessons that Osgood and his little pals would have. The painless transition from the anthropocene that preceded the asteroid storm helped ease the intestinal paroxysms of those microbes that had intestines. All others that previously refused anti-biotics now exploded or even became Americans.  Obese rednecks got baked tarts from the McDonald's drive-thru whenever they had ridden bareback horses with saddles Made in another dimension. Under the banner of the League of Intemperance and Justification of Needless Tales of Christmasses Past and Future, the Emilionistas - dazed by unclean spirits - manufactured illicit but highly regarded potables to imbibe on New Orleans' sacred nude beaches. But none were better equipped to revive dodos by means of nuclear assisted restratification than the archnemesis of the archbishop of Bantercurry, Cardinal Boytango. This notwithstanding, dead dodos arose in the very slaughterhouse seven reluctant prostitutes dropped their raincoats in, and flapped their flappy webbed feet in paroxysms of ecstasy. When the overwhelming fear of psychedelic zombie-ninjas fractured the transcendental mutterings of Boytango's acolyte written down by Lucifer, the demonic spaniel scribe howled and growled and bit the lid off a can of pungent tomatoes. Attracted by the possibilities and odeur of the ordure and offal waffle, the hounds of Trumpington sniffed, drooled all over the pale, quivering aspic and dilligrout pottage that the superhumans mixed outside the bar-b-q patio. That provoked Boytango's grandmother into opening her purse and spraying pixitol on the curs and moggies which caused immediate protests about the leprechauns who had again gone feral. Indeed, after signing the Declaration of Interdependence at six o'clock in the morning, the leper clowns startled Osgood by chanting

Just for a change.