Open Water => Fun and Games => Games and Jokes => Topic started by: beagle on October 02, 2006, 12:41:01 PM
Title: The unlikely headline game
Post by: beagle on October 02, 2006, 12:41:01 PM
Easy enough this one. Headlines you are not likely to see. I'll start us off.
"George Michael spends quiet evening at home with stamp collection."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Lambicus the Toluous on October 02, 2006, 01:54:29 PM
Fox News Changes Slogan for Sake of Accuracy "Fair and Balanced? Who were we trying to fool?" says network executive
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: The Black Spot on October 02, 2006, 02:31:40 PM
"Ken Livingstone to be new presenter of Top Gear"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on October 02, 2006, 03:06:45 PM
Here's a couple of real ones (though one of them's not unlikely) taken from the same edition of a local paper a few years ago (not April 1st either):
Morning Stiffness A Concern* Head a Terrible Thing to Waste**
*In the car repair advice column. **Regarding children's bicycle helmet safety
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Kiyoodle the Gambrinous on October 02, 2006, 04:36:37 PM
Bush Impeached The Us President impeached after a sex scandal with his Secretary, a 29-year old man
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 03, 2006, 12:17:24 AM
Panorama unveils abuse of Priests by Novice Nuns
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 03, 2006, 12:36:53 AM
Bush resigns, following an announcment that the New Democratic Congress will begin Impeachment proceedings
"I just could not remain in office, as I clearly lost the mandate of the people." says George Bush.
Cheney steps down as new president-pro-tem.
"I just can't, in good conscience continue as president, because I'm just as guilty as George Bush is" Cheney said in a recient interview on Fox News.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 03, 2006, 02:54:41 AM
Bush Admits Mistake
President Bush today announced that the invasion of Iraq was a colossal mistake...
(Oh...sorry...you said "unlikely" didn't you. This one is just flat out impossible. ;D)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 04, 2006, 03:11:21 AM
Microsoft Announces Free Upgrades to Vista
In an abrupt turn-about, Microsoft announced today, that anyone with a valid licence-key to any of the previous Microsoft operating systems, including Windows 95 or later, will be entitled to a free upgrade to Vista, when it's released.
"Its about time, that Microsoft gave something back to the world community" said Bill Gates, the CEO of Microsoft. "After all, Microsoft has enjoyed record profits for the past 15 years. It's time to share the wealth a bit."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 04, 2006, 04:52:01 AM
Discovery Institute renounces Irreducible Complexity
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on October 04, 2006, 08:51:57 AM
Tom DeLay Admits to Having Met Jack Abramoff ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 04, 2006, 09:14:48 AM
Congress Passes Balanced Budget
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: ivor on October 04, 2006, 12:35:40 PM
Rep. Mark Foley to Make a Cameo Appearance on the Hit Cartoon Avatar
Rep. Mark Foley will join the ranks of the Air Benders, Fire Benders and Water Benders. He will be the first Gender Bender. ;D
I guess that's only funny if you've seen the cartoon.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 04, 2006, 04:43:05 PM
Tom Cruise finally admits Scientology is Fake
In an interview with Fox News today, Tom Cruise said that all his work in Scientology was just acting. "To all those who said I had no talent, take that! My work in and on Scientoloty was ALL acting. I don't really believe any of that crap at all. It's just character-research for an upcoming expose movie about the movement."
In another interview, Tom's wife, Katey said, "It's a HUGE relief, really. The more I learned about Scientology, the more worried I became that I had made a really, really bad mistake."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Al Dante on October 05, 2006, 03:08:40 AM
Press Secretary Downplays Terror Threat Points out that disease, accidents, natural distasters pose much greater risks to Americans
EDIT: Here are a few more, for U.S. politics season:
Candidate calls incumbent "too tough on crime"
Candidate apologizes for inaccurate attack ads
Candidate, expecting large turnout of young voters, vows "no more pandering to seniors"
Poll: Few voters give a crap who their State Treasurer is
Day after election, supporters mobilize in force to remove their candidates' signs, stickers from city
... and one more for the business section:
Newspaper ads "not cost-effective," study says.
- Allenbatrachus
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 06, 2006, 05:58:23 AM
Gas prices plummet, as Oil Companies voluntarily reduce their profit margins.
"We just couldn't justify the huge, bloated profit margins we were making, in the face of other problems world-wide", said Exxon Corporation's president, Lee Raymond in an interview Thursday.
"Our company has made enough people rich. It's now time to cut back a little, and ease the pressure on the middle-class."
Other companies quickly followed Exxon's lead, and the price of gasoline dropped to and average of $1 a gallon. Natural gas prices are expected to fall as well.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Lambicus the Toluous on October 06, 2006, 03:36:30 PM
Industry Pundits Call Oil Companies "Obsolete"
With gasoline consumption at record low, oil companies having been slashing retail prices to record low levels in an attempt to regain some of their lost sales. In a recent interview, one oil company CEO expressed his outlook: "We're going the way of the buggy whip manufacturers," said a top exec. "These price-cutting measures are just prolonging the inevitable. How are we supposed to sell a product that people don't want or need any more?"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 06, 2006, 04:50:01 PM
Fox News Announces Its Support of Hillary Clinton
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 06, 2006, 05:00:44 PM
Paris Hilton awarded Nobel Peace Prize Playing her new CD on difficult political conferences led to peaceful resolution of several severe crises.
Ann Coulter keeps her mouth shut "I had nothing to offer but hate and we already have to much of that"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: NeferKa the Bodhipasta on October 06, 2006, 07:25:57 PM
"No Child Left Behind" is Left Behind
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 07, 2006, 12:00:45 AM
Mathematicians Run Riot in Streets as Proof of Riemann Conjecture is Announced
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 07, 2006, 03:06:46 AM
Airlines finally admit that Lost Luggage is a company policy, and not accidental at all.
An airline industry spokes-weenie said yesterday, "Actally, all airlines own stock in luggage companies, as a way to defray costs. And many own stock in clothing companies as well. Deliberately loosing the occasional luggage helps to keep the value of their stock-holdings high. But, now that the 'secret' is out, likely they will turn to more conventional means to cut costs. Like trying to fly the published schedules ... "
___________________________________
From http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/ (http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/) (click link for the complete article)
Bush urges partial declassification of Constitution, other documents
Washington, DC, September 28, 2006 - Stung by Democratic criticism following a New York Times leak of a government document that purportedly asserts, "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights," President Bush has asked Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte to declassify key portions of several documents that had been kept for decades behind steel doors weighing several tons.
"Such assertions, taken out of context and leaked as we enter the stretch-run of a campaign, represents an obvious attempt to confuse voters," said Bush.
Within hours, Negroponte had released the partially redacted, ten-point conclusion of a document called the "Constitution."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 09, 2006, 05:12:37 PM
Bush strikes Kim Jong Il from Xmas card list
"He did not invite me to his fireworks display on Sunday. He knows that I can't watch this thing over here for real, so he should have invited Rummy and me because he knows how we love those nukkular crackers." Bush said that he hoped that his buddy in Tea-Ran would be more forthcoming with his. "I'll bring the pork chops and the whiskey."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 09, 2006, 11:45:44 PM
Exxon Anounces Gasoline Rebate
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 10, 2006, 03:32:54 AM
After the single test, Korea announces it is giving up ALL nuclear capabilities
In a surprise announcement today, Kim Jong II told a BBC reporter that after today, Korea would be getting rid of all their nuclear materials, and would no longer seek to become a nuclear power.
"After seeing the devastation that the test caused, I have come to realize that nuclear power is not something I want Korea to have. It is simply too dangerous. We are going to give all our nuclear materials to Switzerland, as they are the most neutral."
The announcement was met with surprise by leaders around the world. The president of the United States, however, was reported to have said, "What are nuclear materials?"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Lambicus the Toluous on October 10, 2006, 03:01:33 PM
'Politician' Leads List of Most Respected Jobs Positive response to these noble, selfless public servants "overwhelming", says polling company representative
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 11, 2006, 03:26:38 PM
Phelps apologizes to families of fallen soldiers
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on October 11, 2006, 04:02:41 PM
Greer slams women drivers
Imelda Marcos in "too many shoes" outburst
and this from the daily express...
Diana - Foul play ruled out
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 11, 2006, 04:35:03 PM
Defense project proved cheaper than expected A spokesperson for Raytheon announced today that the company would send $1.3 billion back to the Pentagon because the new weapon system Spanker 2010 was completed 2 years early and 40% under the minimum cost estimate.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on October 11, 2006, 11:27:45 PM
Southern Baptist Convention Leadership Apologizes to Carters, Others Alienated By Recent Behavior
(When pigs fly...)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 12, 2006, 02:37:04 PM
Wagner haters thank Bush for mistakenly bombarding Bayreuth The Anti-Wagner Opera League expressed their gratitude to George W. Bush for successfully wiping Bayreuth (center of the Wagner cult) off the map. "Although we know that it was only the result of his dyslexia and lack of geographical knowledge that made him hit Southern Germany instead of Lebanon, we are nonetheless eternally grateful to him for liberating us from the terror of Richard Wagner!"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on October 12, 2006, 03:30:24 PM
Baseball Haters celebrate as Bush accidentaly bombs Babe Ruth
Whitehouse in crackdown on former cocaine users
President Bush today announced that all federal law enforcement officers will be transferred to new duties in an attempt to track down substance abusers who have remained unconvicted since the 1970s.....
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 12, 2006, 03:45:27 PM
Bush killed by AFV cannon. He has found his master*
*The Bradley AFV is armed with the Bushmaster cannon, probably named after the snake of that name.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 13, 2006, 02:04:03 AM
President Bush finally admits that he never attended his National Guard post, and apologizes to true veterans everywhere.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 13, 2006, 02:37:32 AM
Head of British Army denounces British Government Policy
oh, wait a minute - that's a real headline - at least it will be in the morning
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 13, 2006, 05:15:07 AM
Sony Promises No Copy Protection on Future CDs
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 13, 2006, 03:08:44 PM
Maximum Quota set on talkshows The FCC decided to limit the amount of talkshows on TV and radio. "It is usually nothing but verbal exhibitionism and is in much more need of policing than a few rude words or the flashing of the upper anatomy." "Mere shouting contests will not be tolerated anymore."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on October 22, 2006, 04:07:58 AM
Expanded Medicare Prescription Coverage to Help Fill the "Donut Hole"
The government announced today that there would be a group effort by pharmaceutical companies to help provide medications to the disabled and to Seniors hitting the no-coverage gap in the badly drawn Medicare drug provisions.
(Actually, there are a number of retailers that are deeply discounting all generics, some to the point of making no profit and barely covering their costs.)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 22, 2006, 09:38:27 AM
Team Bush considering pro-football career "We may not be young anymore but our vast experience in steamrolling will easily make up for that", "We promise that Dick will leave his shotgun at home."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 22, 2006, 09:58:47 PM
Bush announces regret at signing terrorist bill, after his daughter is picked up as enemy combatant
One of the Bush twins was picked up yesterday, under the new antiterrorist bill, and taken to an undisclosed location. The reason cited was that she "was likely an enemy combatant". The Bushes were reported to have no idea of her whereabouts, as is now legal under the new act.
"I really had no idea it would come to this," said Laura Bush in an intervied on Fox News.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on October 23, 2006, 10:51:13 AM
Afghan operations halted as US sends peacekeepers to Africa
US military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq have been halted following the decision of St Bush to redeploy troops to end the genocide in Darfur and various other African conflicts. "Africa has to be our priority" said Bush, "some of these people have nothing, not even oil reserves, and it is up to nations like to US to use their power and influence responsibly". The articulate statesman, who last night collected his doctorate in international relations and peace studies...............
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: The Black Spot on October 23, 2006, 11:14:13 AM
"The Best Team Won" says Mourinho after Chelsea defeat.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 23, 2006, 05:47:13 PM
Cheney's heart found and reinserted "He acted strange these last years", said his personal surgeon, "While cleaning up the freezer I found this misplaced jar and after checking with the vice, it turned out that during his last surgery we put in a shotgun magazine by mistake. Now he will be his old amiable self again."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 24, 2006, 04:15:51 AM
Police cells relieve pressure on hospital beds
The use of police cells for prisoners has been so successful that the scheme is to be extended. The Prison Service will become part of the Department of Health so that funding and accomodation can be deployed more efficiently. Woger Barking-Mad, a hospital spokesman has been quoted saying "Acute Psyche wards throughout the UK are filled with criminals as the secure psyche wards are always full." Full details have not yet been published but indications are that one patient - one prisoner will be allocated to each cell in all UK prisons and similarly allocated adjacent beds in hospitals. Prisoners will be able to acquire nursing skills giving them the possibility of work on leaving prison and patients will receive nursing care which is often not available at present. There will be an overall saving in salaries for nursing staff which is estimated to wipe out the budget overspends of the last ten years within 9 months.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 24, 2006, 04:54:13 PM
Paris Hilton receives brain transplant White House spokespeople declined any comment about connections to her getting a top level job in the administration and the seeming disappearence of Karl Rove
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on October 27, 2006, 11:35:00 PM
We regret the above misuse of the word "transplant". The procedure Miss Hilton underwent was actually an implant proceedure.
Surgeons say that a really sweet pink changepurse vill be knitted with the fluff found inside Miss Hilton's cranial cavity at the time of the operation.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on October 28, 2006, 01:22:19 AM
Surgeons say that a really sweet pink changepurse vill be knitted with the fluff found inside Miss Hilton's cranial cavity at the time of the operation.
I understand that they had to be VERY careful, when opening Ms Hilton's skull - lest the vaccuum inside cause an implosion in the operating room.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 29, 2006, 09:51:59 AM
Paris Hilton cloned by guy looking like Gregory Peck Authorities suspect evil intent
[Okay, what's that alluding to?]
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on November 08, 2006, 01:52:18 PM
The referee was magnificent, sais Jose Mourinho.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 08, 2006, 03:52:00 PM
Saddam condemned to become new Prime Minister of Iraq "Death is just too good for him and he is probably the only one who could handle that job", US ambassador Khalilzad is quoted
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on November 09, 2006, 05:17:52 AM
Republicans Cheer Election Results
"It's time someone else get the blame." says outgoing Speaker of the House.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on November 09, 2006, 02:39:17 PM
Saddam Hussain ate my Hamster. (added to charges)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 09, 2006, 04:11:19 PM
"It's time someone else get the blame." says outgoing Speaker of the House.
Something like this is actually happening. Not from Hastert though but from the right fringe that see Bush as a traitor to the cause. And add Rush Limbaugh.
Retarded movie freak shoots Ahnold "Don't you see? It's the Terminator!"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on November 10, 2006, 01:31:59 AM
Reed hands management of the Home Office to the Panorama Team
The Government today announced that they will no longer be driven by the Media. The Home Office is thought to be only the first of many Departments to be handed over for the benefit of informed leadership.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on November 10, 2006, 06:57:19 AM
While I would say this is a very unlikely headline, it also just happens to be real...
Giant Snails Invading Barbados
BRIDGETOWN, Barbados (AP) - A breed of giant, ravenous snails that first appeared in Barbados five years ago has thrived on the tropical island, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate the slimy pests.
A nocturnal ``snail hunt'' last weekend reported finding hundreds of thousands of giant African snails swarming the central parish of St. George, the country's agricultural heartland where farmers had complained of damage to crops including sugar cane, bananas and papayas.
From Netscape News
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 10, 2006, 02:52:21 PM
Congress decides in favor of balance-plus budget We will repay our national debts 1 billion per week minimum. In order to achieve this, we will abolish ICBM defense, reform the bidding process for military contracts (only fixed costs and 5% profit maximum), will scrap pork projects, revoke top-bracket tax loopholes etc.
In related news: Invasion of airborne suidae in the Northeast
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: The Black Spot on November 11, 2006, 10:01:56 PM
"We were secret lovers" says Clint Eastwood at Jack Palance's memorial service
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 12, 2006, 09:24:27 AM
Sylvester Stallone wins best actor oscar for his role as Romeo
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on November 12, 2006, 05:00:30 PM
Elvis Found Living In Dumpster In Topeka
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 12, 2006, 05:52:12 PM
John Lennon's death faked. He's going to marry ex-wife to be of Paul McCartney as soon as possible.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on November 12, 2006, 10:31:51 PM
Britain extradites Blair from the US to assist police with their enquiries into Loans for Peerages
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on November 14, 2006, 01:37:12 PM
Global warming and fast food are actually good for you!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 14, 2006, 04:04:47 PM
The only thing unlikely about that one is both items occuring in the same headline >:(.
G.W.Bush and Bill Clinton swapping partners. Bill will officially adopt Jenna. Chelsea and not-Jenna went on a drinking binge together when they got the news ("We do it for opposite reasons of course but getting drunk alone is no fun.")
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Kephra (Tansy) on November 16, 2006, 04:08:52 AM
Bush realizes the error of his ways and gives random aid to pow's, victims of war, and New Orleans funds. "I just woke up one day." George was heard saying. "It's as though my life has been a nightmare. I truly wish to be a better person."
Lol.. hee... (wipe tear)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on November 17, 2006, 01:29:53 PM
Capn Cronan's ship arrives safely in Port!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 17, 2006, 03:17:31 PM
US not vetoing UN resolution critical of Israel
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on November 24, 2006, 03:05:09 AM
US Retail Workers Strike on Black Friday
(The day after Thanksgiving sales extravaganza is called Black Friday by retail workers.)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 24, 2006, 09:34:05 AM
Turkey-free Thanksgiving Spontaneously and seemingly independently all US citizens have decided to do without the traditional turkey and go vegetarian instead (at least for the day).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Kiyoodle the Gambrinous on November 28, 2006, 02:51:44 PM
Man of the Year!
Michael Jackson awarded for all his efforts with children.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 28, 2006, 04:14:12 PM
Michael Jackson shot dead by Christina Ricci with burning arrows "I wanted to do that since Addmas Family(II)", the actress confided to reporters. Jurists debate whether she'll be charged with a crime or awarded a medal. A fine for ignoring fire safety regulations is considered most probable at the moment.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on December 05, 2006, 08:14:06 AM
John Bolton Resigns, President Bush Apologizes to Nation
Shortly after receiving former ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton's resignation, President Bush apologized to the Nation in a press conference on Monday.
"I really made a mistake in nominating Bolton to the U.N. I never realized what a screw-up he really is, until he worked over there the past year. Next time, I'll listen to the people of the USA"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Kiyoodle the Gambrinous on December 05, 2006, 09:21:25 AM
Canada Invades USA
Canadian intelligence reports USA has weapons of mass destruction
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 05, 2006, 09:47:26 AM
White House official says "pinochet era reflects badly on US"
....oh wait a minute that happened this morning on the BBC!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 05, 2006, 12:57:42 PM
Rumsfeld abducted by disgruntled veterans and interrogated alternatively "We are professionals!", the leader of the team told the press, "None of his bodyguards were actually injured and he himself will see that a life without kneecaps and all bones in both hands broken at least twice is possible. He clearly wasn't tortured because A) he is still alive B) no internal organ failed during the procedure C) we got some vital information (at last we know for sure that Marilyn Monroe shot JFK. But we will need corroborating info that she worked for Donald Trump at the time)."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on December 05, 2006, 02:22:34 PM
E Razer post makes perfect sense!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 05, 2006, 06:39:47 PM
Now that is unfair! I recently spent some serious time on google working out what E Raser meant (through a combination of translation, encyclopedias, guesswork and trial and error) and dicovered that E Rasers posts make perfect sense. It is simply that nobody else, english or italian speaking, speaks ERasian.
I now consider myself to be the foremost academic scholar of ERasian.
Prof. Goat
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on December 06, 2006, 02:50:15 AM
Whatever happened to ERaser? Did he ever get an invite to over here?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 06, 2006, 09:34:48 AM
I have no idea. he is still at TOP posting fairly often (I sometimes suspect all the shennanigans may have passed over his head completely and he is sitting there going "I wonder where auntie Dee Dee is?")
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on December 07, 2006, 04:35:43 AM
E. was invited, and, I think even registered, but said he was having enough challenge dealing with that format and language situation.
For a person with no appreciable English skills when he first showed up at TOP, he learned quickly. (Our Solipsy showed a great deal of skill in dealing with him, Babelfish and translations. They mode amazing progress with his English skills!) He's also interested in the tscientific topics there, as he is a scientist by training.
I miss E. as well, but he's 'secure' where he is, so we'll have to wait to see if he comes by to visit.
P.S. I miss Solipsy--a LOT.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on December 07, 2006, 02:09:23 PM
I nominate Dave L to go and PM E Razer to tempt him over here. Dave L is really subtle and diplomatic eg the way he persuaded myself to join the Toadfish was a model of wisdom and subtlety...it went something like:
Mutiny Barty, don't waste yer time with this lot, get over to the Toadfish Monastry NOW!
(Only joking)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: beagle on December 07, 2006, 02:33:58 PM
Today's unlikely headline is "Tornado hits Kensal Rise".
The weird thing is that it's true (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6217514.stm).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on December 07, 2006, 06:06:19 PM
Bush's Rummy-replacement Confirmed by vote of 98-2
In an unusual show of bi-partisanship, both the Democrat and the Republican senators confirmed Bush's nomination to replace Rumsfeld, with a vote of 98-2
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wait--didn't this actually happen (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6588697)?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on December 08, 2006, 03:17:24 AM
The weird thing is that it's true (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6217514.stm).
Tornado hits Kensal Rise twice in firty years, both in early December
TRUE and even weirder... tho apparently it was only the tail end of a tornado in 1954 to hit Kensal Rise, the centre then being Gunnersbury on Dec 8, one day later than todays. That tornado started one street away from me right on the bank of the Thames and followed the exact root up and across London to Kensal Green that I take if I go there... scary scary... how do Tornados know all the back doubles one needs to take to avoid traffic?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: The Meromorph on December 08, 2006, 04:09:47 PM
Small to moderate size tornados actually do try to follow roads (when their base touches down on one), and also will attempt to turn left at the next junction, and fail to make the turn, and head off at an angle of about 45 degrees from the previous course... :o
Tornados whose base is larger than the road, just go wherever they feel like... ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 08, 2006, 04:14:20 PM
most of the tornados (http://www.dedalonews.it/dati/images/aeronautica/DDN%20-%20Storm%20Tornado%20RAF.jpg) I have experienced recently have been flying much to low over village halls in rural yorkshire!
Giant white horses carved tiny men on hills say scientists
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Black Bart on December 08, 2006, 04:14:52 PM
Unlikely headline, or is it likely headline...
TORNADO STUCK IN TRAFFIC JAM IN HANGER LANE.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: beagle on December 08, 2006, 04:21:56 PM
Quote from: goat starer on December 08, 2006, 04:14:20 PM most of the tornados (http://www.dedalonews.it/dati/images/aeronautica/DDN%20-%20Storm%20Tornado%20RAF.jpg) I have experienced recently have been flying much to low over village halls in rural yorkshire!
Another excuse to show the famous "piss off Biggles" picture. (http://www.targeta.co.uk/wheretogo.htm)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 08, 2006, 04:44:28 PM
Welsh farmer "able to write in English" say experts
contrary to widespread belief recent images show Welsh farmers can form basic sentances in English and are even able to use these in context, boffins at Chester University claimed today. Prof Ivor Daftbursary claims that aerial photography had turned up remarkable evidence of language skills in the rural community. "It is too early to rush to remove welsh language road signs or invite a welsh farmer to tea" said the septgenarian academic, "but our findings indicate that the Welsh may one day evolve to a similar state as modern day Englishmen"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on December 09, 2006, 03:11:32 AM
Do Tornados always spiral in the same direction? What different effects would occur if the Tornado was spirally in the same direction or the opposite direction to the Giratory?
for puzzled non-Londoners, Hanger Lane is known as The Giratory, and as Bart implied it mostly fails to girate
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 09, 2006, 10:41:05 AM
Iran-Syria-US summit in Warsaw declines services of Putin Catering Inc.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: goat starer on December 11, 2006, 10:35:31 PM
"I'm the Bishop of Southwark, This is what I do" says drunk bishop throwing toys out of car he has broken into
unlikely but true (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6168393.stm)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Lambicus the Toluous on December 14, 2006, 02:53:14 PM
World's tallest man saves choking dolphins
True as well (http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&pubid=968163964505&cid=1166097911876&col=968705899037&call_page=TS_News&call_pageid=968332188492&call_pagepath=News/News).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 16, 2006, 09:45:11 AM
Mice on a plane The cries were louder than the engines: A flock of mice struck fear and terror in the hearts of more than 100 passengers on a Saudi-Arabian inland flight. The about 80 rodents crawled about one hour after take-off from a bag and dropped on the heads of the passengers. Authorities arrested the owner of the bag.
(from todays morning papers)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on February 04, 2007, 08:36:28 PM
Farmers are being advised to let their flocks run around outdoors.
Bird Flu hits British farm in Suffolk. The virus has so far been detected inside only one shed out of 22 at the site.
How the virus got into the shed, where the birds were always kept inside, is currently unknown.
An exclusion zone has been set up around the site and advice is based on the affected birds having been kept indoors.
* the other farmers are actually being told to keep their birds indoors - doh! the ones that died were indoors -
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 05, 2007, 08:36:14 AM
From todays papers:
More than 400 drunken fisherman rescued from ice floe Many had to be taken by force because the refused to leave behind their catch and equipment. Seems not to be uncommon in the Sea of Okhotsk where about a third of the population does fishing for a living.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on March 01, 2007, 04:04:37 AM
Want to know what hasn't happened yet? The BBC website has a button to click:
The News in 2 Minutes
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 07, 2007, 08:25:20 AM
From today's papers
Thai fishermen stunk to death 5 Thai fishermen lost their life as result of the rotten fish smell on their boat. 7 lost consciousness, of which 5 fell overboard and drowned.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on April 25, 2007, 01:16:57 AM
Watching television harms the elderly say gerontologists
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on April 25, 2007, 07:23:24 AM
BUSH: Occupying Iraq "disastrous"
In explaining to Gulf War veterans why he chose not to pursue the war further, President Bush said, "Whose life would be on my hands as the commander-in-chief because I, unilaterally, went beyond the international law, went beyond the stated mission, and said we're going to show our macho? We're going into Baghdad. We're going to be an occupying power — America in an Arab land — with no allies at our side. It would have been disastrous."
Sounds unlikely, except that this is an actual quote from Daddy Bush.... ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on April 30, 2007, 03:43:48 PM
Direct from today's Grauniad, bottom of front page
The ever increasing number of tourists (http://www.guardian.co.uk/guardian/todays_stories) visiting Antartica is threatening the continent's delicate ecosystem.
For those who cannot see the picture of the tourists clearly enough here is a similar but clearer one prepared earlier:
In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do." Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said. At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. "by self invasion." "If the Democrats take over the country, we will be dead, and we will have abortion and partial-birth abortion and the Republican Party will go into extinction," he said. "Nancy Pelosi and the ACLU would oppose this (resolution)."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Chatty on May 01, 2007, 05:04:55 AM
If you're too crazy to be accepted in California, you go to Nevada. If Nevada won't take you,you go to Utah.
Most Mormons aren't total lunatics. A few are. Enid Green whatever her next name will be, however, is certifiable.
Utah Republicans put the rest of the delusional folks in the world to shame. Those people are so scary, their own party runs out so they can't vote on stuff. To be so whacko that Republican's don't want to be identified with you?? Yeah, you gotta be bad.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 08, 2007, 01:57:10 PM
A new step towards a talibanic Poland (sorry, no link):
Polish parliament discusses banning of short skirts A Polish MP proposes to make "temptation to sex" a punishable offense. In his words this includes the wearing of short skirts.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: beagle on May 08, 2007, 08:48:30 PM
Any news on nurses outfits or black fishnet stockings or...
Just out of interest, why are they against sex? Most of our M.P.s seem fervently in favour of it, as long as their spouse doesn't catch them.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 08, 2007, 09:53:18 PM
No sex please, we are Polish.
From today's papers:
A glitch Mysteriously the name of a subway station has disappered from Madrid folding city maps. "Simancas" station does not appear anymore. What makes it juicy is that it is also the name of the leader of the socialist opposition party Rafael Simancas, who wants to replace the conservative head of government of Madrid, Esperanza Aguirre, in the election in 3 weeks. The subway company claims that the error has no political background.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 09, 2007, 07:57:18 AM
From today's papers
Drunken zoo burglar attacked by giraffe
A drunken (female) student was attacked and injured (broken nasal and tail bone) by a giraffe while trying to burgle the zoo. Her companions fled and avoided injury.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 14, 2007, 12:59:15 PM
An info bit right from the net:
Paris Hilton learning karate in preparation for her stay in prison
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 23, 2007, 08:25:25 AM
Reality is really strange these days.
Student of Falwell's university tries to stop protests at funeral with home-made fire-bombs
Phelps accuses late Falwell as being a friend of homosexuals
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on July 14, 2007, 12:03:56 AM
Another real one in tonight's paper:
Tin can thrown at house Anyone with information phone Crimestoppers on .......
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Pachyderm on July 14, 2007, 01:50:50 AM
British Army readies secret platoon of weasels.
"Smaller than badgers, so better at camouflage" says MOD source.
One un-named serving officer has said that it is a good thing the Army have disbanded the Combat Badger Squad, as they were unable to salute, and the officers felt they were not being taken seriously...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 14, 2007, 11:51:44 AM
Another real one:
Polish baby born with 1.2 per mill blood alcohol. Mother was totally intoxicated when arriving at the hospital. Now the doctors are foghting for the baby's life.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 08, 2008, 10:26:22 PM
Stock Exchange computers down. Unable to cope with such small numbers.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 24, 2008, 08:29:57 AM
True: Vodka pipeline between Russia and Estonia uncovered http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1056990/Police-smash-mile-long-VODKA-pipeline-running-Russia-Europe.html http://www.sptimes.ru/index.php?action_id=2&story_id=27167 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/2975934/Smugglers-built-vodka-pipeline.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 27, 2008, 08:20:01 AM
From today's papers: Pirates take 33 tanks Somalian pirates captured and abducted an Ukranian freighter that carried a cargo of about 33 T-72 tanks http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7637257.stm
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 09, 2008, 01:30:45 PM
Banks Nationalised
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on February 03, 2009, 06:13:32 AM
Actual headline: Phelps apologizes for "inappropriate" conduct (http://www.reuters.com/article/email/idUSTRE5101NA20090201)
:o
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 03, 2009, 09:34:29 AM
Although I knew about the incident, my first impression was not world class swimmer but deranged baptist :-[
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 19, 2009, 04:51:29 PM
Not so unlikely, this one is real:
Store wars not over says Welsh Jedi Knight banished from Tesco (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/sep/18/jedi-religion-tesco-hood-jones)
*this headline is in the International Edition - the headline online is not as good
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on September 20, 2009, 05:57:27 AM
The comments are priceless...
Quote What can you say?.....
Sith happens
:mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 22, 2009, 03:46:32 PM
Protest milk kills monastery* fishes
Eisleben**. During a protest against low milk prices several cubic metres of milk were poured into the streets. Some of it ran into the fish pond of the local monastery*. Over a ton of goldfish and koi died as a result.
*actually nunnery **mainly known for being the place where Luther was born and also died.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 22, 2009, 04:35:29 PM
That's so sad; I hope the squidlings were ok.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 08, 2009, 11:56:23 AM
Maledive cabinet holds underwater meeting to make a point about climate change
The Maledives is one of those states that will disappear when sea levels rise as a result of climate change. In order to draw attention to that the Maledive government decided to hold a cabinet meeting under the sea with everyone donning diving equipment.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 08, 2009, 03:10:53 PM
mmmm.... do we all have our diving gear ready..... ? the TFM is already full of water.....
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 09, 2009, 10:06:27 AM
I forgot to add that the above event was real, although I did the headline (a link to a German newspaper would be of only limited use)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on October 10, 2009, 05:45:24 AM
I saw a clip on that story, Swato, but it was so short I didn't understand what was happening. Thanks for posting more info.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 22, 2009, 08:44:09 AM
Researchers Create Artificial Memories in the Brain of a Fruitfly http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/science/20fly.html?_r=1
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 22, 2009, 09:22:32 PM
Pshaw! I'd want to fly away at the smell of tennis shoes.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 23, 2009, 02:00:53 PM
Ice-skating bear kills Russian circus director
Google has many links on that story
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 06, 2009, 01:53:01 PM
Nepalese cabinet has meeting on Mt.Everest Not to be outdone by the underwater cabinet meeting of the Maledive government, the Nepalese government decided to hold a cabinet meeting on Mt.Everest. They did not go all the way to the summit though but remained at base camp. That's still higher than most non-Himalayan mountains, so a traditional filibuster would be far more difficult to maintain than at sea level (like Washington). The purpose is essentially the same as in the Maledive case, i.e. drawing attention to the catastrophic problems of climate change in the country despite not significantly contributing to GHG emissions etc.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on November 06, 2009, 03:31:23 PM
I doubt British Cabinet holds meeting on Parliament Hill (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parliament_Hill,_London) would make the headlines.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 09, 2009, 03:26:54 PM
South Korean woman passes driving test at 950th attempt http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8347164.stm That was the written test. Now for the actual driving ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 29, 2009, 11:28:52 AM
Australian village held hostage (and terrorised) by 6000 wild camels to be found e.g. here: http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/pets-animals/stories/australian-village-held-hostage-by-wild-camels
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on May 14, 2010, 07:10:00 PM
Swansea man accused of possessing image of someone having sex with a squid.
A Mumbles man has appeared in court charged with possessing an "extreme pornographic" image of someone having sex with a dead octopus or squid.
Read all about it here (http://www.thisissouthwales.co.uk/news/Swansea-man-accused-possessing-image-having-sex-squid/article-1884846-detail/article.html).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 19, 2010, 10:29:53 AM
Jefferson County geometry teacher uses wrong example to teach angles --- assassination of President Barack Obama http://blog.al.com/spotnews/2010/05/jefferson_county_geometry_teac.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on July 13, 2010, 06:27:46 PM
Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters (http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6622I420100703)
Right up there with my two old favorites, mentioned previously in this thread:
Morning Stiffness A Concern* Head a Terrible Thing to Waste**
*In the car repair advice column. **Regarding children's bicycle helmet safety
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 13, 2010, 07:03:29 PM
Brilliant! :ROFL:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 15, 2010, 04:19:26 PM
Dick Cheney lives but lacks a pulse
That's for real. He got an external impeller pump while his natural heart does not beat anymore.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 15, 2010, 05:24:07 PM
OMFSM - the living undead. Somebody sneak in and turn it off one night. :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 16, 2010, 08:34:02 AM
At night he has to go Borg-like to the reloading station
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on July 16, 2010, 02:36:26 PM
The Great Dick Cheney Empathy Test: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/07/16/notes071610.DTL
Worth a read. ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on July 16, 2010, 03:29:18 PM
I'm going to say something controversial and possibly quite untaddy: --- What defines us as human beings is our empathy, in consequence those who lack empathy can seldom (if at all) be called human beings.
Dick Cheney is a psychopath, a monster and proud of it, so no, I don't feel empathy for him the same way I don't feel empathy for roaches. --- If that means failing the test I fail it proudly.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 16, 2010, 03:37:05 PM
Taliban trains monkeys to attack US troops (with AK-47s and LMGs) (reported by Murdoch's New York Post)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on July 17, 2010, 05:47:21 AM
I feel more empathy for roaches; most roaches work hard to be the best roach they can be, and don't go out of their way to cause pain and suffering to other roaches (occasionally cannibalistic, but only under duress; they don't shoot each other for sport). Pest control is necessary as a matter of health, but I don't wish them ill otherwise (then again, I don't regularly live with them; ymmv).
Dick Cheney, OTOH, is a horrible example of the Mammon-enthralled human monster.
Even the Buddha said life is suffering. Even the Bhagavad Gita (I'm paraphrasing broadly here) says not to worry about killing your enemies, as they are already dead. The cause of Cheney's current suffering is that he doesn't have the humility and grace to face death in its natural course, and it's hard to summon much empathy towards the fear of death in someone who has spent much of his life dealing in other people's deaths.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on July 17, 2010, 06:11:29 AM
When the Dick valve story broke, Keith Olbermann had a little snark about how 'government-run health care' seemed to be working out for him.
When I heard about this I thought of a riff off the 1984 version of Dune, with Baron Harkonnen [e.g.: the Debbil] congratulating Thufir Hawat [Dick Cheney, albeit a villain in this AU] on his newly-installed heart valve, noting with satisfaction that "everyone has one here."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on July 17, 2010, 05:37:41 PM
But Thufir is a victim (besides mentat =! psychopath ;)), Cheney is the ultimate puppeteer, the spirit behind Chucky!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 22, 2010, 03:30:02 PM
Penis photo posters seized by police in Lewes (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-10715115)
A person who put up enlarged photographs of male private parts around a town in Sussex is being sought by police.
Several large images of a man's penis with a yellow bow tied around it have been taken down from car parks and places close to schools in Lewes.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 24, 2010, 02:32:46 PM
Bishop involved in abuse scandal will spend retirement in nunnery - Nuns not pleased http://www.stern.de/panorama/mixa-im-frauenkloster-nonnen-fuerchten-um-kloesterliche-ruhe-1586464.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on January 13, 2011, 07:46:30 PM
Obesity, chronic disease latest sign of progress in India
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on February 23, 2011, 04:47:24 PM
Father Loses Custody Of Child Because He's Agnostic http://www.agnostic-library.com/ma/2010/12/08/father-loses-custody-of-child-because-hes-agnostic/
>:(
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Lindorm on February 28, 2011, 09:57:49 AM
There's a completely true and authentic headline from Sweden that has become something of a minor classic:
Woman Escaped From Group Sex -Committed Vehicular Homicide on Badger Sometimes also featuring the sub-headline "Now being charged with traffic violation".
The story behind the headline is quite entertaining is a sort of social trainwreck way: A woman in Kronoberg province (actually quite close to our summer house) was invited by a few friends to a big midsummer party at a remote farmstead. She didn't know the host, but since a few mutual friends were also going to be there, she happily accepted.
The party went as traditional Swedish midsummer parties usually go, and people got quite drunk. Except for the woman, who insists that she only drank a low-alchohol beer or two at most, and then kept to Coke for the rest of the evening. At some point, the host of the party suddenly and loudly declared that they were all now going to strip naked and engage in hearty group sex. Upon hearing this, the woman panicked and fled the farm in her car.
Unfortunately, the car happened to strike a badger, who was promptly killed, but not before dispatching the woman's car and herself into a nearby convenient ditch. The woman was taken in an ambulance to a local hospital, where routine blood tests revealed that she had a blood alchohol level of almost 0.2% -way above the drunk driving limits of Sweden. The woman, however, insisted that she had not drunk that much, and her Coke must have been spiked -further proof of the debauched nature of her hosts at the party. She blamed the badger-slaughter on faulty steering in her car, but a technical investigation of the vehicle failed to find any evidence of such a fault.
The woman also declined to name the hosts of the party, despite her allegations of being drugged by them, for "reasons of privacy".
O tempora, o mores.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 01, 2011, 08:18:56 AM
Czech mayor catches monkey by going ape A macaca that had escaped from the zoo months ago and avoided recapture was caught at last when the city mayor distracted it by playing ape/monkey.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 01, 2011, 11:33:33 AM
Therapist who cured King George's stutter indirectly responsible for Fox News
QuotePolice: Man had to be Freed From Own Home After 2 Years Posted Monday, March 28, 2011 ; 12:50 PM Updated Monday, March 28, 2011; 01:31 PM
Police said they found the man in deplorable conditions.
BELLAIRE, Ohio -- Police said a Bellaire man, Richard Hughes, 43, had to be removed from his home at 2898 Washington St. Sunday.
Police said the man's skin had become attached to the fabric of the chair after he sat in it for two years
Authorities said he was sitting in his own feces and urine.
Police were called in to help transfer Hughes to the hospital.
Authorities said they had to cut a hole in the wall to get the man out of his home.
A real couch potato taking root ::)
How dd he get food and drink if he never moved? (I could do with a few tips on this issue :o)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on April 01, 2011, 07:25:47 PM
A conveyor belt from the door to his chair in front of the TV? Besides, the pizza guy wouldn't be willing to go in with the stench.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 08, 2011, 03:04:12 PM
Gay caveman's remains found http://www.alternet.org/newsandviews/article/552567/%22gay%22_caveman_remains_found/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on April 08, 2011, 04:37:33 PM
Hmm. Domestic jugs. Perhaps he was a chef.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 13, 2011, 09:17:41 AM
Fox Senior Judicial Analyst Napolitano: "There Are Parts Of The Constitution That Are Itself Unconstitutional" http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201105110041 That guy is a former judge :help:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on June 19, 2011, 08:32:45 AM
Rabbinical court condemns stray dog to stoning Judges believed that dog was a reincarnated lawyer that insulted them 20 years ago http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-13819764
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on June 23, 2011, 09:38:08 PM
That linky didn't link. I think the dog ate it.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on June 24, 2011, 04:25:36 AM
Thisi may be the reason http://www.virtualjerusalem.com/news.php?Itemid=3920 What a pity ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on August 02, 2011, 07:05:46 PM
Debt crisis: Republicans scent victory with 'sugar-coated Satan sandwich' (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/aug/01/us-debt-republicans-smell-victory)
QuoteEven the Democratic leader in the House, Nancy Pelosi, who helped negotiate the compromise with Barack Obama and the Republican leaders at the weekend, had serious reservations. Pelosi, a Californian on the liberal wing of the party on many issues, picked up on Cleaver's food metaphor and expanded on it. The deal, she told ABC, was a "Satan sandwich with Satan fries on the side".
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on August 03, 2011, 07:03:02 PM
I heard the first quote, and thought it was hilarious. The Pelosi one is confusing, though. I mean, what has she got against the French?
:irony:
Personally, if I was going to eat a Satan sandwich, I'd put hot mustard on it.
Yep, and I'd wash it all down with a nice bottle of Old Nick (http://www.google.com/imgres?q=old+nick+beer&hl=en&sa=X&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUS3).
But sugar? That's :censored: up.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on August 04, 2011, 08:12:47 PM
Hey, sweet and salty has come out in the open and is all the rage these days....
instead of being the snack industry's dirty little secret
From my point of view, if you want to emphasize teh eeevil, call it a sucralose-coated Satan sandwich.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on August 05, 2011, 07:52:11 PM
Sucralose-infested.
So, okay- if it is a Satan sandwich, we have to assume Satan is in the sandwich. So, what's the bread?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on August 05, 2011, 07:56:29 PM
Pumpernickel, of course. ;)
at least according to one folk etymology I once heard :badair: :devil2:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on August 05, 2011, 08:20:56 PM
Dang, I love pumpernickel. I would eat that Satan sandwich, if only it didn't have Satan in it, or the sweetener. Could I just have mine with Swiss cheese and brown mustard?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on August 06, 2011, 06:48:19 AM
This is Amurka, Opsa.
Demand New! Satan Lite™ Sandwich -- accept no substitutes!
Also ask your grocer for new Satan Low Sodium™, Satan Fat-Free™, and Satan Whole-Grain with Enriched Calcium™.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 01, 2011, 10:43:54 AM
Ferry Runs Aground After Captain Stuck In Toilet. http://news.yahoo.com/ferry-runs-aground-captain-stuck-toilet-152430429.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on September 01, 2011, 09:36:37 PM
So that's why we haven't seen DaveL until yesterday!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: anthrobabe on September 02, 2011, 12:23:58 AM
Ha you tickled me with that one Opsa.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 29, 2011, 09:41:55 AM
Charges filed against Pope for driving without seat belt during visit to Germany (not a joke) No, he was not speeding or driving himself. It was his usual trip with his papamobil (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popemobile) at walking speed.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on December 02, 2011, 03:30:25 PM
And then the Lord said: 'Rapist, atheist, same thing'
QuoteThis must be pretty disconcerting for atheists. There they are walking along the street, not hurting anything but not believing in God, and every time they pass a church they can feel people looking out the stained-glass window and thinking, "There goes another rapist."
:mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 31, 2011, 10:36:34 AM
Santorum surges from behind in Iowa
Actual headline of something considered rather unlikely until extremly recently. Also (unintentionally?) funny given the other (NSFW) meaning of 'santorum'
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on December 31, 2011, 05:48:33 PM
I hadn't heard of that definition until now... one of my friends used to describe a similar substance (only saliva rather than lube-based) as kose. I don't know why...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on December 31, 2011, 06:44:51 PM
With santorum you at least aren't as cheap to avoid paying for lubricant...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 15, 2012, 10:51:56 AM
India: more cell phones than toilets The 2011 census in India came up with the result that there is a cell phone in 53.2%* of all households but only 46.9% of households include a toilet.
Edit: In total numbers: 208 million cellphones, 155 million toilets
*in a different source it says 63%, one is likely a typo.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 16, 2012, 09:49:46 AM
Sex-Deprived Fruit Flies Turn to Alcohol http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120315145415.htm
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on March 20, 2012, 02:48:54 AM
^ Lol. It appears that the human race isn't as unique as we once thought! ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on March 20, 2012, 03:06:38 PM
Quote from: Article...understanding why rejected male flies find solace in ethanol...
Which reminds me another quote, I believe I heard on Leaving Las Vegas:
"...I don't remember if I started to drink when she left me or if she left me because I drink..."
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 20, 2012, 03:14:49 PM
The classic version is of course from the Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I drink to forget that I feel ashamed for drinking (abridged version, in the book this is a dialogue).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 23, 2012, 11:52:42 AM
Nokia Patents Smart Tattoos Tattoos containing magnetc nanoparticles could replace vibraing smartphone alarms http://www.spiegel.de/netzwelt/gadgets/0,1518,823117,00.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on March 24, 2012, 04:08:08 AM
Blimey! Isn't Science wonderful. Almost Godlike :)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on March 26, 2012, 07:12:12 PM
Gods have rarely demanded the type of worship that Technology is now pushing upon us. Religious tattoos are relatively commonplace, but even Muslims only have to answer God's call 5 times a day... ::) That would be unacceptable with regards to texts and phone calls for many people today.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on March 27, 2012, 11:21:39 PM
They're not answering to technology, but to other people using it, the distinction is subtle but clear. ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on March 28, 2012, 05:01:02 PM
I really am not sure about that. Have you see the way people treat their smartphones? Now, think about how well they generally treat other people. ::)
Seriously, it's the act and idea of instant communication that is the message, not the people we are talking to (if it was, we'd prioritize more face-to-face interaction; instant communication facilitates it but also substitutes for it). It's gratifying to ask someone a question from across the city/country/planet and get a reply in less than a minute. It means you must be Important. ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on March 29, 2012, 05:30:26 AM
^ Ahhhh, but you are only *truly* important if you don't even have to listen to or speak into the phone in a conventional manner. It's far more impressive to stroll about and with th' incorporal air hold discourse, phone displayed on an open palm, set on "speaker"...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on March 29, 2012, 08:58:20 AM
Don't forget the bluetooth headsets, although they've faded somewhat from vogue, probably due to the fact you look like you're talking to yourself.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on March 30, 2012, 04:23:44 AM
"When did you last have a (cornish) pastie (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17536503)?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 30, 2012, 11:18:23 AM
Van Gogh's sunflowers are mutants http://www.livescience.com/19363-van-gogh-sunflower-genetics.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on March 30, 2012, 07:55:48 PM
Why didn't he mutate an extra ear then?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on March 31, 2012, 02:55:57 AM
^ Because he was painting sunflowers, not corn?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 14, 2012, 09:50:04 AM
These two would almost justify a rant
Titanic tragedy shows evil of feminism and disproves Darwin http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/truth-titanic-denunciations-evolution-feminism
Tennessee Senate Approves Bill To Warn Students That Hand-Holding Is A 'Gateway Sexual Activity' http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/04/13/463317/tennessee-anti-hand-holding/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on April 14, 2012, 08:36:28 PM
The first was virtually unreadable, I couldn't understand it.
The second, I think, is an April Fool. (check the bill). ((it's ok, someonne else has - read the comments))
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 19, 2012, 10:28:24 AM
I'm sure Ellen Ripley would take issue with that. :smite:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 24, 2012, 08:03:33 AM
Japanese boy gets soccer ball back from Alaska
Japanese teenager Misaki Murakami (16) lost his soccer ball in the tsunami a year ago. Fortunately he had written his name on it. The ball got swept all the way to Alaska and was found by a radar technician who happened to be married to a Japanese woman who could read the writing.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 27, 2012, 08:40:29 AM
Dull and Boring Twinning
The Scotish village of Dull and the Oregonian town of Boring have now officially become siter/twin cities. As the speaker of Boring stated: 'We could send them strawberries and they could send Scoth whiskey in exchange'.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on April 27, 2012, 08:15:35 PM
Suppose all town twininings had to make a well known phrase or quote :o:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on May 02, 2012, 08:50:45 PM
Green light for Somerset virgin sacrifice (http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/green-light-for-somerset-virgin-sacrifice-201205025184/)
* for ye across the pond, Somerset is a county in the south west of England
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 02, 2012, 10:15:06 PM
I though it was a Summerisle tradition.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on May 03, 2012, 02:49:40 AM
Coincidentally enough, *I* live in Summerset, New Werlde.
Keep us posted on any other quaint customs we should know about.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 03, 2012, 10:38:15 AM
Japanese teenager Misaki Murakami (16) lost his soccer ball in the tsunami a year ago. Fortunately he had written his name on it. The ball got swept all the way to Alaska and was found by a radar technician who happened to be married to a Japanese woman who could read the writing.
Now also a Harley Davidson ha made its way to Canada. Although not in top condition after its 5000 km journey, it will be brought home and repaired.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on May 08, 2012, 04:08:25 PM
I found some very unlikely headlines today, some being sad, others being funny:-
Capsules Made With Dead Baby Flesh Seized By South Korea (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/05/07/capsules-made-with-dead-baby-flesh-seized-south-korea_n_1495481.html?ref=mostpopular) - Seriously, WTToadfish?
Zimbabwe 'Sperm Hunters' Acquitted Of Raping 17 Men (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/05/08/zimbabwe-sperm-hunters-acquitted-of-raping-17-men_n_1499056.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cuk%7Cdl1%7Csec3_lnk4%26pLid%3D107346) - Say what? Fishy.
Coroner: U.K. spy found in sports bag likely killed (http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/story/2012-05-02/british-spy/54689566/1?csp=34news) Gareth Williams Inquest: 'Highly Likely' Third Party Involved In MI6 Spy's Death, Police Say (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/05/02/gareth-williams-inquest-family-_n_1470564.html)
The second two are full of the most obvious statements and, apart from the sadness surrounding a death, made me chuckle at the seriousness with which the quotes are being said.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on May 08, 2012, 04:13:39 PM
Wait a second, spies die under mysterious circumstances? :o :o :o
::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on May 08, 2012, 07:41:38 PM
TOADFISH PUKES IN SIBLING'S SHOE
David says he hasn't got a leg to stand on.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on May 09, 2012, 02:52:26 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on May 13, 2012, 03:48:25 PM
"It's tough to find a place not to like in Switzerland," said Bachmann.
This is because it's full of people with opinions diametrically opposed to those you publicly hold. I pre-emptively apologise to the Swiss on behalf of all those in the US. I like Switzerland.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 13, 2012, 03:59:12 PM
But Swiss xenophobia c/would appeal to her.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on May 13, 2012, 04:56:40 PM
I bet she would love to talk with extreme right people in all Europe for that matter; thankfully they are still a minority. Sometimes I wonder if the same can be said of the U.S.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on May 23, 2012, 08:19:08 AM
Thankfully they are, but in some places they are a significant minority. The UK has its fair share of racists, but without the wherewithal to organise properly, due to their generally low educational attainment, the BNP do not get that many votes. Didn't France also give quite a few votes to Le Penn(sp.), achieving her third place in the elections?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 23, 2012, 10:51:32 AM
Whistleblower successfully sued by phonemarketeer Phonemarketing is annoying, no doubt. A 61 year old lady took her revenge. When another unasked-for call came, she literally blew the whistle. A bit too successfully, it turned out. She got sued for bodily harm because the caller suffered significant damage to her hearing that had not subsided even several months after the event. The court decided in favor of the callcenter employee and ordered a payment of 800€ by the whistle lady to her victim.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on May 23, 2012, 05:43:22 PM
That seems outrageous to me. I get apoplectic with cold calls. They deserve everything they get.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 23, 2012, 08:19:54 PM
Be happy that Jehova's Witnesses don't work with phones or spam mails
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on May 23, 2012, 08:59:51 PM
No, but they ring my doorbell, getting me out of bed when I am asleep. I can't switch the doorbell off (it's the downstairs buzzer system, I'd have to unwire it, and then there'd be no way of genuine visitors alerting me. The postman wakes me too when he could easily ring someone else's bell. Life with inverted sleep is hell.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on May 24, 2012, 01:25:23 AM
Woman Saved In Car Crash By Chicken Fillet Bra Padding (http://m.gizmodo.co.uk/2011/11/woman-saved-in-car-crash-by-chicken-fillet-bra-padding)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 31, 2012, 12:44:48 PM
Does Romney support familicide?
A (genuine) quote from Mitt Romney's election website on his position on gun rights:
QuoteAs president, Mitt will work to expand and enhance access and opportunities for Americans to hunt, shoot, and protect their families...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on June 01, 2012, 02:15:38 AM
He is signalling that he will follow closely in Dubya's foot-in-mouth-steps...
QuoteOur enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on June 01, 2012, 04:54:05 AM
QuoteOur enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
Describes our current government only too well.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on June 01, 2012, 09:07:54 AM
There will be A BETTER AMERCIA!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on June 01, 2012, 02:00:11 PM
At last reality catches up with art (Japanese, perverted) ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on June 22, 2012, 08:27:52 PM
^ :mrgreen: *avoids inappropriate jokes*
I especially love the comments about Alien below the article.
Here are my contributions:-
SFW, regardless of title - NigerianTaxi Drivers Strike For Missing Penis (http://www.anorak.co.uk/184242/strange-but-true/nigerian-taxi-drivers-strike-for-missing-penis.html/)
NSFW - China News Confuses Rubber Vagina/Anus For Special Mushroom (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=789he-8T_-E)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on July 01, 2012, 07:02:23 PM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 02, 2012, 10:32:56 AM
Seems this stuff has become quite a legend, but Snopes (http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/jenkem.asp) finds that there is little or no substance to it.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on July 02, 2012, 05:07:16 PM
That would never stop a FOX channel to air the note though... ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on July 02, 2012, 11:05:10 PM
I've heard there are warnings about 'audio drugs' that teh kids are abusing. ::) Binaural beats and such... some of which is mild mind-candy or meditative but certainly not an abusable 'substance'.
All these alternative attempts at mind expansion need to be frowned upon, lest they cut into the market share of state-approved, made-in-USA prescription pharmaceuticals and military-sponsored video games. :puke:
The part that I get a giggle about is how these dire warnings tend to put the idea in a kid's head about whatever the current scare is, and spread knowledge of it far faster and farther than it would otherwise. When it's something accessible and harmless (audio drugs), it's going to create a lot more 'users' for a while. When it's something ineffective but gross/potentially dangerous like jenken, it will probably lead to at least a few extra kids willing to try it... hey, the news says it works, must be true. ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on July 02, 2012, 11:22:34 PM
I believe Jenken was a hoax started by some teen in the US. It appears that it worked very well, but the this is Fox News... ;D
Talking about advertising illicit drugs, there was the incident in Canada, iirc, where people were warned about licking the back of a specific type of toad that was being sold as a pet. Sales sky-rocketed after that. :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on July 03, 2012, 04:39:56 AM
iirc, you are referring to the Great Cane Toad Kerfuffle, the notoriety of which spread across the entire world of exotic, illicit drug afficionados.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ At that time I had a co-worker who was deathly afraid of frogs and toads. Affectionately cruel jokes ensued. :) She confided that once a toad was sitting on her step; she was unable to get out of her car to enter the house until her husband arrived home and removed it to clear the coast. I suggested she get toad whistles (http://www.amazon.com/Bell-22-1-01000-8-Deer-Alert-Black/dp/B000CC4O58) at the local sporting/farm/marine shop.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 03, 2012, 09:08:44 AM
I think toads are lovely. 'Toad' is how Wendy and I insult each other when we don't say 'pig'. ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 03, 2012, 06:28:58 PM
Wales overturns century old marriage restrictions
Wales (and England) have overturned regulations dating to 1837 that forbade marriages outside the 8am to 6pm window. So, from this October onwards people may marry even in the middle of the night. Northern Ireland keeps the restrictions, Scotland did not have them.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on July 04, 2012, 09:23:20 PM
I had no idea they'd finally repealed that. I wonder why it was put into effect in the first place? ???
I've found a few toads in my parents' garden. A couple have been waylaid by the cat, but one was rescued. The other one was not so lucky. :'(
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 04, 2012, 10:05:53 PM
Office hours at the registrar's office were probably a major factor for the law. Dropping the restrictions has something to do with the desire to have the ceremony not at the office but in special places, e.g. museums, other tourist magnets etc. Since mutual interference between wedding participants and regular visitors is to be avoided, the ceremonies have to take place after or before hours, i.e. outside the window given by the old law. At least that was the explanation given in the article.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on July 05, 2012, 09:20:49 AM
1837 was the year Queen Victoria came in. She may have had some sneaky ulterior motive for restricting wedding hours. Probably connected with toads. ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on August 07, 2012, 08:08:01 PM
Well, she did have that toad fetish. :puke:
My unlikely headline, lol:-
Man takes viagra: wears sweatpants for TSA pat down. (http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/09/18/man-takes-viagra-wears-sweatpants-for-tsa-pat-down/1500#)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on August 07, 2012, 09:04:07 PM
I love they raise the issue of air fares.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 14, 2012, 10:31:20 PM
Leader Of Anti-Semitic Party In Hungary Discovers He's Jewish (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/08/14/158773637/leader-of-anti-semitic-party-in-hungary-discovers-hes-jewish?ps=view&ec=mostpopular) :duh: :doh!:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 14, 2012, 10:33:30 PM
Quote from: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 14, 2012, 10:31:20 PM Leader Of Anti-Semitic Party In Hungary Discovers He's Jewish (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/08/14/158773637/leader-of-anti-semitic-party-in-hungary-discovers-hes-jewish?ps=view&ec=mostpopular) :duh: :doh!:
Well. there were people that thought the Nazis were a Jewish front.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on August 15, 2012, 01:51:41 AM
The newspapers say the Party don't investigate their members ancestry/history whatever. Goodness knows who their members really are :mrgreen: :irony: Personally I always liked the Tooting Popular Front (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizen_Smith)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on August 15, 2012, 04:21:55 PM
Quote from: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 14, 2012, 10:31:20 PM Leader Of Anti-Semitic Party In Hungary Discovers He's Jewish (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/08/14/158773637/leader-of-anti-semitic-party-in-hungary-discovers-hes-jewish?ps=view&ec=mostpopular) :duh: :doh!:
Thanks for this, Zono. I have duly spread it around. This made me laugh hard at its irony. If only it would make other members of that party take a closer look at themselves.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 16, 2012, 02:54:37 PM
Ever heard of South Park (http://www.southparkstudios.com)? In the Ginger Kids episode, Cartman (the psychopath of the bunch) who hates ginger kids is transformed into one. He is still a power hungry psychopath so instead he decides to organize the gingers to take over. --- Chances are that a hateful anti-semite will be converted into a hateful semite. :-\
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 16, 2012, 02:57:52 PM
Listen to the radical Israeli settlers and replace 'Jew' with 'Aryan' and 'Palestinian' with 'Jew'. Textbook nazism.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on August 16, 2012, 07:00:06 PM
Let's just accept it, apart from this forum, the world is a sh**ty place :mrgreen: :irony:
Also, we are complying with Godwin's Law in only 17 pages.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on August 16, 2012, 09:05:03 PM
Also, we are complying with Godwin's Law in only 17 pages.
This is extremely polite by comparison. Most places comply with Godwin's Law within 1 or 2 pages, these days.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 17, 2012, 07:27:49 PM
I thought it was the law of conservation of misery... :P
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on August 20, 2012, 01:31:03 AM
Missouri Republican claims 'legitimate rape' rarely results in pregnancy (http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/08/19/missouri-republican-claims-legitimate-rape-rarely-results-in-pregnancy/?hpt=hp_t1)
(thanks to Ababe on FB)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on August 23, 2012, 01:43:30 PM
I've been keeping up with that story. It's been covered everywhere, from the serious to the satirical (The Onion). Even Obama came out and commented on it, shooting him down in a sentence. It's people like him who make me very untaddy in relation to my innermost conscious thoughts.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on August 23, 2012, 08:55:35 PM
To me it came over as "stupid" rather than "evil" - ie. some people are so stupid they become evil ;)
Having such in office is scary.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on August 27, 2012, 12:04:31 AM
Stupid can be taught.
Evil persists for money and power.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on August 27, 2012, 11:11:51 AM
Well put, Pieces.
What's more worrying is that this belief is said to be widespread among Southern anti-abortion fundamentalists.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on August 27, 2012, 05:59:55 PM
^ It is a widely held belief among fundagelicals of any geographical area. Just another justification for severely restricting (if not outright eliminating) fact-based human reproductive segments of health classes, in order to keep the population ignorant and compliant with harmful policies.
>:(
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 29, 2012, 03:59:11 AM
The guy is plain evil, even after the storm and after the party asked for his resignation the guy refused, it's all about power, and if to reach it he has to spew stupidity he has no qualms. -- Too much stupidity according to the polls though, he may lose because of the comment.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 01, 2012, 01:29:12 AM
Obama extremly wealthy, so vote Romney http://wonkette.com/482873/michele-bachmanns-compelling-logic-obama-is-extremely-wealthy-so-vote-romney
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 01, 2012, 02:34:05 AM
Apparently different to obscenely wealthy.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 01, 2012, 02:46:04 AM
Given how dreadfully the really rich are treated by the public, they can of course empathize with the commoners
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Roland Deschain on September 05, 2012, 10:12:00 PM
McDonald's To Open First Vegetarian Branch In Amritsar, India (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/09/04/mcdonalds-vegetarian-branch_n_1854208.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-news)
Haute Valle School In Jersey Bans Schoolgirls' Skirts From Uniform As They Are 'Inappropriate' (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/09/04/school-bans-girls-wearing-skirts-uniform-too-revealing_n_1853999.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-news)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 11, 2012, 12:51:38 PM
Who got Bin Laden, Obama or Romney? Swing State Republicans don't know
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on September 11, 2012, 08:00:32 PM
I bet don't know with which countries the continental US limits, and quite possibly think that there is a border with Russia because, you know, Sarah P. can see it from her house... ::)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 11, 2012, 11:39:29 PM
Strictly spoken there is a border with Russia but it is not on land. Still the distance between Russian and American territory is narrower than twice the extension of territorial waters, so it is a true border legally. As for the first question, the number of US citizens not knowing with how many countries the US have a land border is shockingly high. According to some studies more than 10%* of US residents (babies not included as far as I know) cannot find the US on a globe or a world map (textfree).
*somewhere between one in five or one in seven.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 12, 2012, 01:52:23 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on September 12, 2012, 03:52:37 AM
Quote from: Swatopluk on September 11, 2012, 11:39:29 PM... As for the first question, the number of US citizens not knowing with how many countries the US have a land border is shockingly high. According to some studies more than 10%* of US residents (babies not included as far as I know) cannot find the US on a globe or a world map (textfree). ...
I must borow the joke I made at TOP earlier:
What?
There are other countries?
;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 12, 2012, 04:43:37 AM
:giggle:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 18, 2012, 01:19:08 AM
Police use Taser on blind man after stick mistaken for sword (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-19979184)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on October 18, 2012, 10:00:54 AM
In my experience the British copper should never be given any weapon at all. As night follows day, he will misuse it.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on October 18, 2012, 07:57:33 PM
They do, don't they. Must be to do with the training.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on December 03, 2012, 07:12:15 PM
Not a headline, but the BBC making a strange assertion.
"[Princess] Diana was pregnant with Prince William very very quickly, as was Princess Margaret."
Some sort of quantum pregnancy?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on December 04, 2012, 11:04:08 AM
ROYAL BABY TO BE NAMED JASON
TRIXIBELLE IF A GIRL
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on December 04, 2012, 09:46:13 PM
:D I would have gone for Wayne and Kylie...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on December 04, 2012, 10:46:18 PM
Blackadder would have liked that. Queen Quylie ;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on December 27, 2012, 09:16:07 PM
Romney campaign caught off guard by fact that Obama staffers worked
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on January 12, 2013, 11:16:02 AM
Actual snake on a plane on the wing to be precise http://www.google.de/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=6&cad=rja&ved=0CFoQtwIwBQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.smh.com.au%2Ftravel%2Ftravel-incidents%2Fhigh-drama-qantas-pythons-flying-circus-20130110-2ciu0.html&ei=a0XxUM6BIsqq4ASej4DYAg&usg=AFQjCNF4Gt-Ggzd2HHUxWrgzQeMrIUt37g&sig2=12fOEquYK3MnfjlGEwk0Qg&bvm=bv.1357700187,d.bGE
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on January 12, 2013, 08:07:16 PM
Shame he died in the end.
Snakes on a Plane is on TV tonight.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on January 12, 2013, 08:14:31 PM
NEW ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY PREACHES SERMON GANGNAM STYLE
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 01, 2013, 04:07:21 PM
Same archbishop also says that his job application was a joke
----- Conservative catholic decries privileges for homosexual dogs http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bill-donohue-claims-story-about-abandoned-gay-dog-proves-homosexuality-bonus
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 04, 2013, 01:06:06 AM
Scalia declares Constitution to be dead, dead, dead http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/01/29/its-dead-dead-dead-justice-scalia-blasts-schoolchildren-who-dont-understand-the-constitution/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 11, 2013, 11:52:29 AM
Habuerimus papam
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on February 11, 2013, 12:05:31 PM
At some point, after a lot of smoke.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 11, 2013, 03:29:12 PM
Wrong tense, david, unless you mean the cremation of the ex-pope. (habuerimus = we will have had (Fut II))
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on February 11, 2013, 03:45:19 PM
Yes, I was aware of that; I wondered why you didn't just write habebimus. I meant that the point in the future at which we will have had a (new) pope will come after we have had a lot of smoke.
BTW our name for the tense is Future Perfect.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 11, 2013, 04:02:31 PM
I was thinking (actually quoting, I admit) about the time in the futur when we have had but not have a pope, i.e. the period of 'sedes vacans'. Especially the special case of both have-been and going-to-be pope being alive at the same time, an extreme rarity. Unique even in that it is not the going-to that does the kicking out of the future-have-been (as with Coelestin and Boniface) and subsequent enhanced departure from life technique application.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on February 11, 2013, 07:17:50 PM
OK, you win! :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on February 13, 2013, 05:42:17 PM
PIECES O' NINE ELECTED NEW POPE Plans to Introduce Sanity to the Church
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on February 13, 2013, 05:59:43 PM
Dang, Opsa, you beat me to it! :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on February 13, 2013, 06:03:52 PM
Hee hee! ;D
You could post the inevitable following controversy.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on February 14, 2013, 01:16:41 AM
:inquisition:
No one ever expects the Toadfish Polite Inquiry? ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on February 14, 2013, 04:11:40 PM
Pope Pieces supports privileges for homosexual dogs, including awesome clothing choices. Clue: this is in reference to a post at the top of this page.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: pieces o nine on February 15, 2013, 01:51:52 AM
:D and in related news:
Pope Pieces Completely Overhauls the Domini Canes Order (http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0024/6862/files/nun-dog-photo.jpg?111325)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on February 15, 2013, 01:21:59 PM
:ROFL:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on February 15, 2013, 03:46:33 PM
:ROFL: That little dog makes the perfect Reverend Mother!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on February 26, 2013, 02:20:52 AM
More about dogs.
Police under investigation over 'dog's' witness statement (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9876199/Police-under-investigation-over-dogs-witness-statement.html)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Darlica on March 03, 2013, 05:50:10 PM
QuoteThe statement read: "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach."
;D
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling DavidH on March 12, 2013, 11:01:06 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on May 02, 2013, 03:58:58 PM
:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 17, 2013, 06:21:44 AM
:giggle:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not a headline, but a priceless piece of Grauniad reporting about Shirin Gerami's Triathlon as first women ever representing Iran (note: in full muslim dress):
The International Triathlon Union aided her by providing a tent where she could change clothes in between legs.
:giggle:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 22, 2013, 05:32:15 PM
Christian Post: GOP Too Intelligent For Average Voter, Will Win By Shaming Women Who Seek An Abortion
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 23, 2013, 05:32:54 PM
What's unlikely about that. It's a regular occurence :mrgreen:
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on March 14, 2014, 10:42:22 PM
Hunt for missing penis sees police in Middlesbrough close dual carriageway (http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/mar/13/hunt-missing-penis-close-dual-carriageway)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Opsa on March 15, 2014, 01:31:46 PM
Ah yes, brings back those heady Lorena Bobbit days here in The States.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on January 10, 2015, 06:45:55 PM
Mars officially warmer than Canada Thursday
as seen on a local weather site. :mrgreen:
We're currently sitting just above zero in my part of the Great White North, watching the biggest snowfall in the last 30 years slowly slump and turn to mush.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 10, 2015, 04:22:18 AM
Texas Woman Arrested With Loaded Handgun In Vagina http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/waco-texas-gun-vagina-methamphetamine
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on September 10, 2015, 04:03:57 PM
In no other place but Waco...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin NoName on September 11, 2015, 12:57:45 AM
Is Vagina a city or just a smalll town? I am always hazy on US place names. ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on September 13, 2015, 10:54:15 PM
There's one in Russia, and there is F*cking in Austria, dunno about a funny name in the US...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on September 27, 2015, 06:27:23 PM
We've got a country full of them here, from Spuzzum, BC to Dildo, Newfoundland.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 28, 2015, 05:03:35 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 26, 2015, 02:22:57 PM
Internet bandwith problem finally solved
You know that problem: you need that data NOW but the net works at a snail pace again. Why? It's your neighbours (and kids and spouse) looking at cat pictures/videos and downloading adult material. By now 98% of all traffic consists of just these two. Now at last we have a solution: Pussynet Any new net plug-in will be required to have two exits, I for regular internet access and P for cat and c-word related stuff. Given that Moore's law still applies this would give the normal net about a decade before the existing capacity has to be expanded again. Critics fear that the necessary new P lines will be paid from tax revenue but the adult industry that has called for this solution for years denies that this will be necessary. Free P sites, constantly threatened with copyright violation suits, have agreed to a micro-fee to be paid for services that will for the most part be used for the necessary infrastructure. This should cover about 70%. The rest will be easily paid by users fined for abusing the I net by sending P material after the division.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on February 21, 2016, 09:36:57 AM
Trump Wins Presidential Election
Heads exploded across the nation today as the final election results came in...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 19, 2017, 11:54:43 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on July 21, 2017, 07:26:52 PM
I'd be concerned if my car had been crushed by a hag or a fish, let alone a hagfish.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 19, 2017, 05:23:03 PM
Canadian woman, 84, finds long-lost diamond ring wrapped around carrot https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/aug/16/canadian-woman-engagement-ring-carrot
That picture looks moderately obscene ;-)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on August 20, 2017, 10:28:56 PM
Lucky woman.
I lost my engagement ring which was a dementoid garnet (green) stone set in a Victorian gold with diamonds circle. A really beautiful ring. It was made for me. The stone was bought in Hatton Garden and put in the setting which came from elsewhere (I know not).
It disappeared long after my divorce. I found it's box empty in a drawer. I have never known if the children's nanny stole it (there were reasons to think this possible) or it was hidden in newspaper shoved in a shoe and got thrown out with the pair of shoes, because I think I might have hidden it and forgotten when I had a clear out. If the latter, someone will have got a nice surprise. It would be really valuable now, but that's beside the point as I just liked it and still miss it.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on January 25, 2018, 06:18:03 PM
12 camels disqualified from Saudi beauty contest in 'Botox' row
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on January 27, 2018, 04:33:19 AM
<blockquote> Trump Wins Presidential Election
Heads exploded across the nation today as the final election results came in... </blockquote>
Well, joke was on me. A really, Really, REALLY bad joke.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on January 27, 2018, 09:17:46 PM
:(
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 22, 2018, 11:47:49 PM
Spiders blamed after broken siren played creepy nursery rhymes randomly at night to UK townsfolk https://boingboing.net/2018/09/17/spiders-blamed-after-broken-si.html
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on November 14, 2018, 02:55:06 AM
ROFL
;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on December 09, 2018, 10:25:53 AM
Captain Bluenose found sober in rum store
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on December 21, 2018, 11:01:12 PM
Everything on Internet Found to be True
Including this statement.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on January 10, 2019, 12:42:38 AM
Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 24, 2019, 09:41:57 AM
Aborted Cells in Vaccines May Have Blocked Anti-Choice Prayers, Says IFA http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/aborted-cells-in-vaccines-may-have-blocked-anti-choice-prayers-says-ifa/
I have been dulled quite a bit by these diehard dullards* but this was a real WTF!
*charitably assuming them not being just frivolous frauds.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 10, 2019, 06:32:41 AM
GOP Texas lawmaker accuses top vaccine scientist of sorcery https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/442752-gop-texas-lawmaker-accuses-top-vaccine-scientist-of-sorcery
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on May 26, 2019, 08:12:13 PM
Vaccine nutters do my head in.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 28, 2019, 08:49:03 PM
They have to be cowed! ---
Trump climate adviser compared 'demonization' of carbon dioxide to Jews' treatment under Hitler Even Israel is not amused and that says something in the era of Dolt FatDonald.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on July 01, 2019, 06:57:57 PM
That doesn't make sense. Carbon dioxide isn't a sentient being as far as I know. But I saw this headline too. Presume Israel thinks it makes sense if they are cross.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 02, 2019, 08:16:45 AM
The only 'explanation', I could come up with is so cynical that I hesitate putting it into a full sentence.
chimneys vs. capture and storage/sequestration
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on July 03, 2019, 07:12:42 PM
Yes, cynical works (not Arbeit Macht Frei).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 08, 2019, 09:37:37 PM
Bear hijacks car and goes on a joyride https://www.balloon-juice.com/2019/07/08/monday-morning-open-thread-hey-boo-boo-lets-go-for-a-joyride/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on August 05, 2019, 09:54:14 PM
Aphos Returns From the Dead
Popular poster Aphos the Mathematical, after spending several months dead, has returned to posting. News at 11.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on August 05, 2019, 11:28:08 PM
SMALL CHOLDREN TERRIFIED AS BLUENOSE DANCES WITH GLEE
Ununlikely event prompted by Aphos's resurrection.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on September 20, 2019, 08:52:50 PM
Alien Visitors from Tau Ceti Forced to Leave Due to Lack of Green Cards
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on September 29, 2019, 01:38:26 AM
The final verdict is APHOS 3 BLUENOSE 2.
Medals will not be awarded.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 27, 2019, 11:45:21 AM
Migrating Russian eagles run up huge data roaming charges https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-50180781
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 08, 2019, 07:03:14 AM
Judge warns jury at Roger Stone trial to not watch 'The Godfather' https://usbreakingnews.net/2019/11/08/judge-warns-jury-at-roger-stone-trial-to-not-watch-the-godfather/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on November 08, 2019, 11:24:43 PM
BLUENOSE OFFERS TO SHARE HEAD COLD: INUNDATED WITH ACCEPTANCE REQUESTS
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 09, 2019, 07:29:43 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on March 31, 2020, 01:04:05 AM
It's hard when reality is crazier than anything we can imagine. Oh, well, back to the normal craziness...
Cap'n Bluenose gives up alcohol for Lent
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on June 12, 2020, 08:35:18 AM
GOP reuses 2016 party platform without changing a word Wording includes: The current administration has abandoned America's friends and rewarded its enemies.
(that's for real)
meanwhile on SCOTUS (https://forums.talkingpointsmemo.com/uploads/default/original/4X/a/e/5/ae5a52ef296a637d4359b61b480ac56b86cc85b0.jpeg) https://forums.talkingpointsmemo.com/uploads/default/original/4X/a/e/5/ae5a52ef296a637d4359b61b480ac56b86cc85b0.jpeg
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on July 13, 2020, 09:16:20 PM
Covid-19 Sufferers Grow New Heads - Doctors claim it is caused by Anxiety.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 14, 2020, 02:17:42 PM
I would rather suspect hydra-tion.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on July 15, 2020, 10:45:21 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on July 18, 2020, 05:41:58 PM
Bluenose Insults Both US and Oz in Same Post
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on July 19, 2020, 03:28:16 PM
^^^ ROFL ^^^
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 01, 2020, 05:23:08 PM
Imprecise headline, it's run by callous and evil idiots.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on August 03, 2020, 11:36:55 AM
Oh, I don't know, I think our idiots are just common and garden idiots, we don't have those super malicious idiots like the US...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 03, 2020, 02:34:42 PM
Rupert Murdoch spawned down under and went to Washington via London. Not reigning but reining (although the latter would imply moderation which it isn't).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on August 03, 2020, 05:31:24 PM
I've been reading "First Dog on the Moon", an Oz political comic strip for several months now. From his take you could replace "Oz" with "US" and it would still be appropriate. Same right-wing idiocy.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 14, 2020, 12:11:13 AM
I dunno, the stories about refugees in Nauru and Manus island sound pretty evil.
True, however our idiots are really just incompetent for the most part, and don't get me wrong, they certainly have done some pretty evil things like those you mentioned, but overall, I don't think we have anything remotely like what you guys have to suffer under. <sadface>
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 14, 2020, 04:06:10 AM
Don't get me wrong ;-) we are ruled by the Skin of Evil (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin_of_Evil)...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 22, 2020, 02:39:22 PM
Vatican fights seagulls with lasers https://www.thetablet.co.uk/news/8826/vatican-used-lasers-to-protect-easter-flowers-from-seagulls
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on August 23, 2020, 06:45:49 PM
US Post Office Goes Back to Using Pony Express
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on August 24, 2020, 10:40:05 AM
Ponies Protest Carrying Mail in Snow and Rain and Heat and Gloom of Night
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on September 19, 2020, 01:57:38 PM
Due to popular demand, the rest of 2020 has been cancelled
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on December 25, 2020, 07:37:06 PM
Due to 2020 being cancelled, human population shrinks to only 9 people.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 14, 2021, 01:17:30 PM
7 GOP senators voted against Trump in impeachment trial Be honest, you expected far fewer, didn't you?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on April 21, 2021, 11:09:23 AM
UK Sees Garden Gnome Shortage After Suez Canal Incident numeroussources , among others: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-56748561
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on April 21, 2021, 01:37:28 PM
DUE TO AUSTRALIA'S NON-EXISTENCE (ACCORDING TO FLAT EARTHERS) BLUENOSE DISAPPEARS IN A (LARGE) PUFF OF SMOKE
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on May 14, 2021, 05:13:13 PM
Theory of Gravity disproved All Australians fall into space
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on May 22, 2021, 01:26:54 AM
Man uses piece of wood he placed in garage in 1992 because it might come in handy
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on July 01, 2021, 09:38:56 PM
(https://www.solvussolutions.co.uk/toadfishmonastery/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=89.0;attach=2369) Who could have known?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 17, 2021, 08:49:34 AM
Covid Truthers Claim Unvaccinated Sperm Will Be The Next Bitcoin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYMlASOloxM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on August 30, 2021, 07:53:09 PM
Yeah. Hard to believe, but that was a real headline.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 22, 2021, 08:25:11 AM
Bees kill 63 endangered penguins in South Africa https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/sep/20/bees-kill-63-endangered-penguins-in-south-africa
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on September 25, 2021, 05:14:33 AM
Worker Bees Revolt, Establish Socialist Government
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on September 28, 2021, 08:44:33 PM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 29, 2021, 04:27:55 PM
Gorillas shock onlookers with oral sex show at Bronx Zoo on hilarious video https://nypost.com/2021/09/23/gorillas-shock-onlookers-with-oral-sex-at-bronx-zoo-video/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on October 04, 2021, 07:49:52 PM
How many people clicked the link? I was looking forward to the video but it is just a still image.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 04, 2021, 08:21:23 PM
I got to see the video on youtube (with black censorship blocks over the offending parts) in a clip from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Then I just followed the displayed link to the NYP piece and assumed that that would conatin the original video.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on October 05, 2021, 04:49:06 AM
Oh well............ not sure I'll follow it to YouTube. Too tired just now. Maybe sometime. The article was quite interesting. Material not covered by David Attenborough https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Attenborough
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on October 08, 2021, 08:01:32 PM
World Octopus Day
No, really.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 20, 2021, 08:34:39 AM
Indian couple float to their wedding in a cooking pot along flooded streets https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/oct/19/indian-couple-float-to-their-wedding-in-a-cooking-pot-along-flooded-streets
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on November 04, 2021, 01:03:42 AM
The people Kyle Rittenhouse shot can't be called 'victims', a judge says.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on December 16, 2021, 07:25:39 PM
(A real headline - from the Economist)
Ivermectin May Help COVID-19 Patients, But Only Those With Worms
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 16, 2021, 07:37:05 PM
I would not be surprised at all, if this would lead some people to infest themselves with worms in order to increase the effectiveness of their ivermection in fighting Covid even more.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on December 20, 2021, 05:08:17 AM
The last few are all very good, but there is no "Like" button.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 20, 2021, 10:05:10 PM
Millipedes Have Been Living a Lie https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2021/12/true-millipede-1000-legs/621030/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 29, 2021, 01:22:38 PM
You Have No Idea How Hard It Is to Get a Hamster Drunk https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2021/12/alcohol-consumption-hamster-drunk/621125/?utm_campaign=the-atlantic&utm_content=edit-promo&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_term=2021-12-26T23%3A27%3A27
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on January 05, 2022, 01:44:46 AM
Heh, I mentioned Everclear in the Last Post thread first... I've drank Everclear and orange juice during an early-morning final exam before, but certainly not at hamster levels (did OK on the exam, from what I can recall).
Ivermectin May Help COVID-19 Patients, But Only Those With Worms
Interesting article, that one (I subscribe).... I'd been wondering about the careful wording the CBC was using about Ivermectin and COVID in its reporting. There was a push for a time to discourage the Ivermectin junkies, but it did sound like they were dancing around some possible effectiveness. Apparently the worms in question tend to explode in population in people treated for COVID with dexamethasone, with some associated mortality. Ivermectin takes out the worms, and leads to better outcomes. The article solved the mystery in the way it was being reported, and will be a good point of conversation with my local anti-vaxxer libertarian plumber.
Now, there's some indication that long covid may be an auto-immune disease, and other evidence that infection with certain parasitic worms prevent auto-immune diseases, so the best idea is to ingest some worm eggs first, then get COVID, and then take the ivermectin. ;)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on March 08, 2022, 03:45:20 PM
After roughly 200 failed attempts and 120 years Congress passes anti-lynching law.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on March 18, 2022, 11:20:23 PM
The International Squid Convention announces its support for Ukraine
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on April 14, 2022, 07:10:55 PM
Good for them! This is very encouraging.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on April 15, 2022, 02:13:19 AM
International Squid Canvention claims responsibility for the sinking of the Moskva
Kraken denies membership of Squid Convention
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on April 17, 2022, 08:58:51 PM
Russia Threatens to Ban Squid from UN
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on April 18, 2022, 09:23:56 PM
International Squid Convention to deport Asylum Seekers to North Korea
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on May 21, 2022, 01:09:41 PM
Feminist Group Pitches Vulva-Shaped Spaceship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSc26qAJp_g
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on June 01, 2022, 05:05:06 AM
Stonehenge Is Now a Queen Elizabeth Billboard
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on June 03, 2022, 11:24:37 PM
Marsupials Praise Australian Election Results
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 06, 2022, 06:27:10 AM
Florida Officials Beg Pervs To Stay Away From Manatees Orgies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iaw43h6h4oU
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on September 14, 2022, 07:01:50 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on September 24, 2022, 08:42:09 AM
Queen of Denmark gets drop on King Charles by getting corona even before his coronation
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on September 25, 2022, 03:11:59 PM
Supplies of Corona running low after major piss-up by European royalty
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 16, 2022, 11:55:59 AM
Germany: Man Bites Police Dog, Woman Punches Officer BERLIN (AP) — Police in Germany said Friday they detained a man for resisting arrest and biting a service dog. By Associated Press Oct. 14, 2022, at 1:35 p.m.
Officers were called to a dispute between two 29-year-old men and a 35-year-old woman in the western town of Ginsheim-Gustavsburg shortly after midnight. The trio acted in an "extremely aggressive and uncooperative" fashion, police said in a statement. Officers were only able to overpower one of the men by using "massive physical force," it said. "In the course of resisting arrest the 29-year-old man also bit a police dog," the statement said, adding that the canine did not sustain any injuries. Meanwhile, the 35-year-old woman injured a police officer with a punch to the face.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 01, 2023, 04:54:36 PM
Colorado bear takes hundreds of selfies on wildlife camera trap (https://www.solvussolutions.co.uk/toadfishmonastery/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=89.0;attach=2386)
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on February 01, 2023, 11:55:28 PM
Australian mining company keeps radioactive capsule safe during transport across outback
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on February 02, 2023, 10:39:07 PM
They found it!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on February 03, 2023, 02:30:34 AM
Did they? Wonderful.
I'm guessing using a Geiger counter or something similar. The thing was way to tiny to see visually.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on February 03, 2023, 08:21:05 AM
But those devices (at least in the classical form) have a rather short range iirc.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Bluenose on February 04, 2023, 12:49:17 AM
They had a detector fitted to a vehicle with about a 4 metre range. The capsule was found about 2 metres off the side of the road.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on February 16, 2023, 05:50:25 PM
Love the bear selfies.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on July 23, 2023, 09:58:10 AM
Vile Daily Mail prints Vile Front Page:::
This is about a film that is still in production which they don't exactly like. It will be interesting when it is finished.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on August 25, 2023, 05:28:53 PM
What are you doing looking at the Daily Mail???
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on August 26, 2023, 08:25:21 AM
I make a point of never following links to the daily fail but this was not a direct link so I felt suitably distanced.
I should have a stunning headline about Covid springing out all over but I don't, although there was an interesting report on Scotland where there are hundreds of closed hospital wards due to Covid infections because no one wears masks (about which the CDC are trying to maintain N95's are no better than surgical ones). The mask wars continue, coming soon to a cinema near you.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 14, 2023, 02:29:22 PM
Republicans violate 11th commandment US House elected Republicans are currently more eager to speak bad about each other in public than insulting Democrats thus violating the sacred commandment of St.Ronnie of Raygun. Even "Biden is solely responsible for mess in Israel" comes at a far distant second. Some commentators think about using headline "Downfall of the House of USHeR imminent"
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on October 15, 2023, 04:12:01 AM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on October 15, 2023, 07:39:39 AM
How come they couldn't agree on a Speaker (was it 15 votes?) but now it took them less than a day?
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 15, 2023, 08:00:05 AM
Agreeing on is not yet electing. Unless there has been a new development during the last night, they still have no new speaker since all candidates can only get a small majority within the House GOP conference but not the 217 votes needed on the floor. Just 5 GOPster objecting are enough (since all Dems vote against per default).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on October 17, 2023, 02:44:52 PM
Agreeing on and then voting against seems pretty stupid but no doubt serves some devious political purpose.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 17, 2023, 05:26:12 PM
Those that refuse to vote for are the ones that lost the "agreement". "Our guy was not chosen as candidate, so we will vote against the primary winner." Admittedly both (Scalise and Jordan) are awful, as was the guy before (McCarthy). In the first round the radicals found the winner not radical enough and in the second the (nominal) moderates the winner too radical (even for them).
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on October 18, 2023, 01:24:46 AM
There's awful, very awful, and truly horrendously awful.
Now guess which one is which.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 18, 2023, 07:58:43 AM
There is always a way to top it (no known upper limit).
Just take this lady that officially proposed/advertised Jordan's candidacy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnkJk_Yttfs Clear candidate for the Miss Mendacious Award.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on October 18, 2023, 06:10:57 PM
Too many nuts in that party, that lady is just the tip of the iceberg.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 19, 2023, 09:09:54 AM
The scary cherry on top of the nut ice
I looked over Jordan and what did I see? Coming for to scare me at home A band of MAGAts coming after me (and thee) Coming for to scar and break bone
Thread gets political as threats rise
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on October 20, 2023, 09:00:13 PM
Jordan has been voted out as a candidate by the party after the 3rd consecutive loss.
Good riddance!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on October 21, 2023, 07:11:40 AM
He or someone like him will be back soon. Unfortunately, the radical* fraction is the de facto winner anyway since dysfunction IS their program.
*one should say "the fraction even more radical than the standard GOP these days".
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on October 23, 2023, 07:31:01 PM
Czech village priest sorry for smashing pumpkins.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on October 27, 2023, 09:42:53 PM
I heard the story and they noted how Czechia is one of the countries with more atheists in the world. I guess the guy was very frustrated with his regular attendance...
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on November 08, 2023, 01:53:07 PM
I heard the story and they noted how Czechia is one of the countries with more atheists in the world. I guess the guy was very frustrated with his regular attendance...
But the pumpkins had done nothing wrong!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 09, 2023, 07:40:00 AM
Just matter of time given the shameless violent anti-pumpkin propaganda freely accessible on the net. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qj8PhxSnhg
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on November 09, 2023, 09:31:34 PM
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on November 18, 2023, 09:12:56 PM
The Wheel of Time now available in a single volume edition as the author intended https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bioxZa950vo
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aphos on November 27, 2023, 06:56:42 PM
ZOMG!
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 06, 2023, 09:15:44 AM
Chinstrap Penguins Sleep Over 10,000 Times a Day—for Just Four Seconds at a Time https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/chinstrap-penguins-sleep-over-10000-times-a-day-for-just-four-seconds-at-a-time-180983348/
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on December 18, 2023, 08:56:11 PM
Yeah, I came across this one! They must all have narcolepsy.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on December 22, 2023, 12:27:21 PM
The Guardian Risk of penile fractures rise at Christmas, doctors find Researchers suspect euphoria and intimacy of season may be behind spike in cases [43% more penile fractures]
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on January 17, 2024, 10:43:37 AM
House-proud Welsh mouse may be 'tidying' for fun, say scientists https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/08/welsh-tidy-mouse-tidying-for-fun-scientists-builth-wells
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Swatopluk on January 26, 2024, 09:46:23 AM
Ancient 'chewing gum' sheds light on stone age teenagers' diet https://www.theguardian.com/science/2024/jan/23/ancient-chewing-gum-stone-age-teenagers-diet
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Aggie on February 10, 2024, 09:20:35 PM
I usually prefer spruce gum (one has to get just the right consistency, or it becomes a sticky mess that stay in your teeth for hours), or black poplar buds - especially if I have a sore throat (analgesic and anti-microbial) - but birch has its uses. That birch bark tar is supposed to be a reliable adhesive for many things and would likely have been manufactured in significant amounts for other uses. Haven't got around to making a batch here yet. I do have a pot of chaga (birch fungus) tea brewing today.
Title: Re: The unlikely headline game
Post by: Griffin on March 12, 2024, 06:38:47 PM