Scenario: You've just finished your delightful selection from your favorite local Asian restaurant... and now comes the moment to see what life has in store for you. You unwrap the little cookie, crack it, and voila, you read:
(I'll start)
"Surprise! That wasn't chicken!" ???
Now, what do YOU hope never to read?
The CCTV tape will cost £5 million
"Call 911!" :mrgreen:
Your life has reached it's high point.
or
You will spend the rest of your life in this city. :barf:
------------------------
My favorites that I have actually received (one was pasted to my fridge - I think the other is in my wallet):
Full stomach, happy heart. ^^
You will step on the soil of many countries.
"Instructions for the use of your rat poison"
"All you white people look alike."
Quote from: MentalBlock996 on June 21, 2007, 07:00:33 PM
"All you white people look alike."
:ROFL:
At least my favorite Chinese place doesn't ask "You wanna fork?" anymore.
"Happiness is a warm puppy.
If you're gettin take-out,
microwave for two minutes on high."
this reminds me of a batch of cookies that were made about 27 years ago.They were all unfortune- like...eg. Go home...you drank to much...don't be cheap...leave a bigger tip etc.
For some reason they seemed to disappeared from the shelves. I rarely eat the things but i loved the notes..I guess the comedian responsible was told to desist.
"if you don't talk in that stupid Asian accent anymore we won't put any more secret sauce in your stri fry"
"shut up round eyes"
I might be disturbed if i opened up a fortune cookie and found a used band-aid inside. :P
:barf:
Oohuuug.... THAT'S the worst.
You think that's bad, I had a friend who found a bandaid in a ballpark hotdog!
Yeah, but you don't expect 'em in a fortune cookie.... ;)
Oh, it can be worse.
Imagine finding a large cockroach inside the cookie.
(just to think about it gives me the heebee-geebees... :scared: :barf: :puke: )
i think the WORST thing might be to find our when toy snap it open that it is not a fortune cookie but a caterpillar pupa
Quote from: goat starer on June 24, 2007, 04:07:16 AM
i think the WORST thing might be to find our when toy snap it open that it is not a fortune cookie but a caterpillar pupa
assuming that wasn't on the menu originally..... ;)
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/23/Silkworm_snack.jpg/250px-Silkworm_snack.jpg)
anything from "IT" by Stephen King--- not the best adaptation of his book but still veeeeerrrrrryyyy gross
What if you opened up a fortune cookie and found a label for a large pair of underpants?
"I just wok-ed your dog."
:ROFL:
How about a crumpled up rejection from the board of health?
Quote from: MentalBlock996 on June 25, 2007, 03:59:55 PM
"I just wok-ed your dog."
Something similiar happened to a friend of mine, went to a Chinese
restaurant and asked to get something for his dog as well... But he was misunderstood... Long story short, after the meal, he and his wife noticed that their dog wasn't around...
But he took it quite well... He claims that he was very tasty...
:ROFL:
You're kidding, right? Besides, how long takes to skin, clean, and cook a dog? Are those guys that efficient?
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Sounds like a shaggy dog tale ;)
Quote from: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on June 30, 2007, 04:24:06 PM
:ROFL:
You're kidding, right? Besides, how long takes to skin, clean, and cook a dog? Are those guys that efficient?
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Small dog, 20 minutes. I used to be able to prep a rabbit in less that 10. (Sorry, but it's true, rabbit is a viable meat source if you need it. So is squirrel. I just hate picking out all the shot.)
Heh, rabbit tastes like chicken. :mrgreen:
Seriously, my dad had a bunch for a while and while we didn't ate them all (you don't get attached to the animals you plan to eat) 2 of them were dinner at different occasions. I don't know if I should make the tale creepier... (darn it, I will :devil2: ) one of those died asphyxiated accidentally trying to escape, found in the morning done for lunch...
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
(hey, this is the worst possible fortune cookie thread, what do you expect? ;) )
Quote from: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on July 01, 2007, 05:46:07 AM
Heh, rabbit tastes like chicken. :mrgreen:
Seriously, my dad had a bunch for a while and while we didn't ate them all (you don't get attached to the animals you plan to eat) 2 of them were dinner at different occasions. I don't know if I should make the tale creepier... (darn it, I will :devil2: ) one of those died asphyxiated accidentally trying to escape, found in the morning done for lunch...
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
(hey, this is the worst possible fortune cookie thread, what do you expect? ;) )
Would that be a bunch of rabbits or dogs? ::)
Dogs too but we never ate any of them (if we had a good cook and a nice recipe I would have condoned that meal with one in particular, the b**tard never let me sleep).
:devil2: :mrgreen:
Quote from: Sibling Zono (anon1mat0) on July 02, 2007, 04:13:56 AM
Dogs too but we never ate any of them (if we had a good cook and a nice recipe I would have condoned that meal with one in particular, the b**tard never let me sleep).
:devil2: :mrgreen:
:ROFL:
I well know THAT feeling!
My dad used to raise rabbits, when he was a boy. I don't think he ever ate any of his "special pets" but, he does talk of eating rabbit as a kid, frequently.
With 11 brothers & sisters, ANY food-source was not sneered at, when he was growing up. :mrgreen:
Rabbits are -in my eyes- a far more respectable source of meat than -say- horses (to keep with the spirit of the thread, this past trip in Rome I found horse meat in the supermarket fridge at very favorable prices, so I guess its ok now :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: ).
Rabbit was quite popular here historically. Myxamotosis did for its popularity though.
Eating horses (in comparison) is the sort of thing the French would do ;)
Rabbit is soooo tender , just don't kill yourself eating to much . I heard dog is very delicious , can't bring myself to ever try it , wouldn't eat a cat either , both would be like cannibalism .
Eating goats is very naughty
I agree, eating oats is more than naughty, it can be even nasty...
Wait you said Oats, right?
Oooh Goats, like lamb? Yumm...! ooops, erm, yeah, mmm, right, ehem...
...and then the fortune cookie told me that I was going to die! Figure that...!
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Goats = very tasty
Just look at this beauty:
(http://www.restaurant-marengo.at/mediac/400_0/media/DSC00403.JPG)
(sorry Goat, I hope it's not a relative)
rabbit = yummy
horse sausages = quite tasty...
(Have I mentioned that I'm hungry?)
Ding!
Drool, drool!
Tasty!
:mrgreen:
I am VERY upset :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
(http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg)
http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg (http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg)
What's wrong with eating goat?
It is a very tasty meat. So is warthog, kudu, cow, horse, any herbivore really. Predators taste nasty.
Thinking about it, I've never eaten elephant, but lots of people did or do, so it must be tasty too....
Actually, Goat, I've changed my mind. Does anyone have a really big bed I can hide under?
I don't think a bed will save you from the Goat.
But you might try it with democracy. He doesn't like it much... ;)
Quote from: goat starer on July 07, 2007, 12:55:10 AM
I am VERY upset :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
(http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg)
http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg (http://www.yopress.com/images/posts/halloween-06/goat_angry.jpg)
just guess what is getting left in your Christmas stockings?
I've heard that too-predators taste nasty- so I wonder what we must taste like to those who have a taste for "long pork"?
now that would be a really bad fortune cookie
"now you know the joys of long pork"
Your chef this evening was Jeffrey Dahmer....
:devil2:
that is funny- I don't care who you are
that's funny, sick, but funny
"we won't tell if you don't"
Quote from: anthrobabe on July 09, 2007, 12:37:24 AM
I've heard that too-predators taste nasty- so I wonder what we must taste like to those who have a taste for "long pork"?
Bear can be quite nice, but they are not strictly predators. I had some lovely bear meat from a black bear that had made a nuisance of itself by eating a farmer's oat crop and raiding his beehives. I wouldn't eat dump bear, though.
OTOH, large predatory fish are some of the tastiest (and heavily contaminated).
Thank you for taking part in our experiment. If, in the next six months, you develop respiratory problems, please call this number...
ingredient list:
toe jam
I'm rather fond of goat curry, myself.
I have to say that gator-beef jerky is really tasty. Tasted like beef (don't think gators taste like much, so no surprise) and was pleasantly flaky.
Worst fortune cookie ever:
You live in interesting times
[/i]
Worst ever?
EVER??
Yesterday, Dan's said "Next week, you will meet the love of your life."
Next week, he'll be in Europe... :dontknow: :dontknow: :( :'(
That could be a little nerve-wracking.
So I take it back: It's a bad fortune cookie fortune.
Those friggin fortune cookies don't know poo. :P
Quote from: Sibling Chatty on September 16, 2007, 09:59:19 PM
Worst ever?
EVER??
Yesterday, Dan's said "Next week, you will meet the love of your life."
Next week, he'll be in Europe... :dontknow: :dontknow: :( :'(
Wow-- what a coincedence.
well be sure and remind him that you have friends in high places in Europe and that the hills have eyes(and zonos,kiyodles,swatos,etc)
then hug him- wish him bon voyage-and you let your hair down and relax. anyway I'm sure that Dan knows where his bread is buttered ;)
Is Dan coming to see me :mrgreen: ??
naughty Griffin.
bad fortune cookie
"your wife/husband, my couch, good for me, not so good for you"
Quote from: Griffin NoName on September 18, 2007, 10:19:59 PM
Is Dan coming to see me :mrgreen: ??
The way things are going...they might vanish in a puff of smoke before they get that far.
Dan's carry-on bag has gone missing in Barcelona. (Stolen? Misplaced? Couldn't tell, bad phone connection.) And the check I was depending on for him to have some spending money (and for me to be able to make the house payment, after having to have car repair done unexpectedly) has not shown up yet...
First stop on the trip and BAM...problems.
Griffin, PM me a phone number they can call when they get to London, and we'll see if it can be worked out. They are to be there 26-29 October.
I've emailed you Chatty.
Thanks!!
Replied. (Boys are silly, no matter how old they are...)
yes- boys are silly
but they make life so interesting--- just love em and think about trying to live without them
I'm living without mine for 6 weeks. I'm NOT a happy camper.
(Two auto related mishaps--not wrecks, just problems--are NOT adding to the feelings of 'capable person' that I had about him going. I'm furious that I had to spend a fortune on something that I could have fixed myself, had I not had the problem on the damn freeway in Houston.)
Not only do I miss him, but I am having to fork-feed that Silly Schnauzer because he doesn't eat well when he's upset, and he misses his Daddy. He's a Big Boy, and won't eat from spoons, only forks. :dontknow: :dontknow:
:krabbie: :krabbie: :krabbie: :krabbie: :krabbie:
:(
One :hug: for you, and one :hug: for the Silly Schnauzer!
I know it isn't very nice of me but you and Spencer has made me laugh out loud twice to day and I really needed that laugh...
I wish I could send you both a treat. :)
do you and Spencer play airplane?
here's a hug darling :hug:
Spencer plays picky eater WAY too much... ::) ::)
Of course, his Auntie Denise fed him flatbread and hummus this afternoon while Mommy took Grandma to the physical therapist, so mere dog food has no appeal. People food is SO much more interesting.
Spencer LOVES my friend Denise. Wherever she sits, he gets next to her, then puts a possessive paw on her and sort of moves in on her from there. He'll be lounging across her lap within 2 minutes of her sitting down. Denise is NOT a dog person. However, she's a Spencer person. He's just Mr. Personality! He also conned her out of half her frozen yogurt.
If he were human, he'd be a total lothario.
:mrgreen:
Some dogs just has IT. Especially more independent dogs with their own ideas about the things. They can con about any thing form anyone. :) William our late family dog was a right down lady killer ;) and Ludvig the present one is working on his reputation but his to young to be really smooth player yet... ::) :D
Hugs for you and smooches for Spencer, you brought a smile on face this morning too! Thank you!