Wrapping up residual post-flood problems here is revealing an Awful Truth.
Mom and I think differently. ::)
She's had a variety of repair*men* in and I am expected to be present and attentive. (It's for the best, believe me.) But I am chronically tense from the whole "you can't change others, only yourself" gestalt when she is in conversation with a repair*man*.
These people are on the clock. Even if she is a valued / premium / favorite / plus / whatever customer and they are not actually billing her per minute, they still have other calls to make, and she has been bitching every minute that the appointment ahead of hers is running late. She does not -- She can not -- She will not -- CUT TO THE CHASE. She has to Tell a Story. And the story gets bigger and better with each rehearsal and retelling. She absolutely *can not* say something like, "This was installed in year XXXX. I've scheduled your recommended maintenance calls and never had any problems. But as of [date] it's been [clear, concise description of malfunction]. I've followed the troubleshooting instructions in the manual with [x remaining issues]. Do you need to know anything else before taking a look at it?"
Instead she tells a long, rambling, dramatic story full of completely irrelevant details, omitting crucial facts. I let her go through the Story once or twice, to which the repair*man* gives variations on the same reply; intervention any earlier is disregarded and the Story gets longer. Then, if needed I give him a bullet-point summary using the correct terms for equipment, problem, and troubleshooting attempted. She immediately jumps back in and re-launches the Story, adding little giggly footnotes like, "We read the manual again and again, but we just couldn't make any sense of it. We're just not very good at this sort of thing. I'd hate to think I broke it because I'm just not very mechanical... My husband always took care of these things, but of course when it was installed, he [did something wrong] and I said [blah blah blah]..."
If I have done any troubleshooting, she interrupts me to give her own description, avoiding proper terminology and with an additional story about how she felt about my work. Then the coup de grâce, dismissing my troubleshooting: "or is that just women's logic - hahahahahaha." She may add a left-handed compliment to my "mechanical" skills, but immediately dismisses them and adds a list of her own, superior talents. Like long-range planning.
Now I am seething. SEETHING. And not hiding it gracefully. As she begins another flirtatious recitation of the sort that her children would have been smacked for blabbing as an attention-getting device and further diminishes *our* intelligence and *our* abilities, inside I start screaming, "Shut the #@% up!"
For the most part, things are going very well here, and I have to give her major props for putting up with *my* foibles. But this is driving me CRAZY.
Afterwards, I have to hear a million repetitions of The Story, now embellished with exciting details of the repair*man*s visit, inflicted multiple times on me, personally, and in overheard, very loud telephone conversations with her cronies.
GAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Any suggestions on either reaching inner peace [and not the email version a friend just serendipitously sent!] with Accepting What I Cannot Change, or ways to "assist" her with learning new ways to interact with professionals providing a technical service on the clock, not here to flirt with her on an extended social call.
Yes, I am choking hard on my own glib advice to some of the rest of you with ... MOTHERS.
:P
Could you possibly talk her into letting the repair people come when she is away?
I would probably be like you in the situation-- just about to go postal on someone.
it's a MOTHER thing-- has to be-- maybe one day it will be our turn and somewhere in cyberspace our daughters will throw up their hands and go
What do I do with my mother?
I think that her early days as a young woman who lived when June and Harriet were the ideal (if never the reality) has simply settled deeply in. That might be why the flirtatious chatter happens-- she knows what to do at a cocktail/dinner party as hostess and no idea what to tell the dryer repair man because her husband always handled that male stuff. I am seriously not making fun--- I'm just throwing out ideas and maybe something in the flotsam will help.
You need a daughters day out--- we love you and get it-- we gots mommas too
She has to be here; it's her stuff, her bills, and she will only listen to instructions or suggestions from a repair*man*.
But. I got some sleep and she's at her second social outing of the day.
So things are better today.
Thanks for reading my long, dramatic Story. ::) :)
I broke my mother of some of it by pointing out that they need FACTS only, and that she was paying them $$$ amount every moment she continued with her 'charming' presentation.
I added, "Your money, your choice of course, but you're the one that comes off as a raving simpleton because you delay them more and more, on YOUR dime, to tell them 10 times what they NEED to know, and in the least possible understandable way."
Then, if you get a chance, answer the door, and encourage one of them to pretty much tell her that he doesn't need her life story, just the facts. He'll appreciate the encouragement.
Do you meditate? Can you do it standing up? Zone out if/when it happens........ ;)
Put sugar in his gas tank.
I like Chatty's suggestion.
Or go to something constructively destructive someplace far away from your mother after giving him a briefing at the door. That way you stay away from her, she can waste her money all she likes and he knows what needs to be done.
Is is possible to engage repair women?
These sorts do exist-- of one looks hard enough.
Quote from: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on July 09, 2008, 03:24:49 AM
Is is possible to engage repair women?
Or is it possible to engage "repair woman" - at least the functionality that breaks down into rambling irrelevance ;)
Quote from: Griffin NoName on July 09, 2008, 04:47:37 AM
Quote from: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on July 09, 2008, 03:24:49 AM
Is is possible to engage repair women?
Or is it possible to engage "repair woman" - at least the functionality that breaks down into rambling irrelevance ;)
Repair men. Plural usage, indicative of the class of men who repair things. (or try to. Exposed butt-crack not strictly mandatory.)
Repair man. Singular usage.
Repair women. Plural usage, indicative of the class of women who actually do repair things.
Repair woman. Singular usage.
Quote from: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith
Is is possible to engage repair women?
These sorts do exist-- of one looks hard enough.
Seems logical, no? But...
Quote from: pieces o nineand she will only listen to instructions or suggestions from a repair*man*.
Quote from: Sibling ChattyI broke my mother of some of it by pointing out that they need FACTS only, and that she was paying them $$$ amount every moment she continued with her 'charming' presentation.
I've tried this tactic and she vehemently denies doing any such thing. I cited a particular example that she blurted out to all of them (one which 'humorously' trivializes me, hence my taking-it-personally irritation). She claimed she would never say something like that, especially to a repair*man*. Riiiiiight...
Y'all are making me smile, though, and that's the best thing. I'll work on a generic, subtle tip-off for the next
victim repair*man* she brings here. Thanks, dujes.
Quote from: pieces o nine on July 09, 2008, 03:10:57 PM
Y'all are making me smile, though, and that's the best thing. I'll work on a generic, subtle tip-off for the next victim repair*man* she brings here. Thanks, dujes.
Could you find a deaf repair*man*? So she'd have to write it out?
(could you slip one a few bucks to feign deafness?) ;)
Quote from: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on July 09, 2008, 05:02:44 AM
Quote from: Griffin NoName on July 09, 2008, 04:47:37 AM
Quote from: Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith on July 09, 2008, 03:24:49 AM
Is is possible to engage repair women?
Or is it possible to engage "repair woman" - at least the functionality that breaks down into rambling irrelevance ;)
Repair men. Plural usage, indicative of the class of men who repair things. (or try to. Exposed butt-crack not strictly mandatory.)
Repair man. Singular usage.
Repair women. Plural usage, indicative of the class of women who actually do repair things.
Repair woman. Singular usage.
It was a deliberate change from women to woman - verb "engage" active/object/function "repair woman"..... as in
1.engage -
2. fire
never mind !