YArrrrr...
Here be a chance to write some piraty scripture and poetry. Give us you most inspired thoughts Piraty style. Pearls of Wisdom shall be written here.
Ok O'ill go first:
"Blessed be the Pirate with thy Bobcat excavator. For thy rivals buried treasure shall not remain buried for very long"
Confucius he say:
"Pirate with fully automatic, self-loading cannons rule the waves"
"Never trust a pirate with a metal peg, for he will put peg-worms in your boots."
"Blessed be he who avoids the Stoo"
"A cutlass in the hand is worth two in the hold"
Judge a pirate by his cutlass and rather than by his/her hygeine.
with apologies to Voltaire
All good pirates remember to pillage- before they burn---
Loot can't buy a pirate happiness- but can buy a ship large enough to go out and get even more loot.
You can lead a pirate to water, but you cannot make him drink.
Confusious once say.
Wise is the Pirate who bears Vitamin C Tablets, or has a Fruit Cold Storage Facility aboard their ship.
Confusious he say:
"When cows all lie down facing the same direction, pirate is out of his element."
"Moss always grows on the north side of treetrunks. This handy when drawing treasure map."
"The sea is always greener on the other side of the island."
A wise old sea dog once said:
'It is better to have Arrrgghh-ed once, that to never have Arghhh-ed at all.'
Quote from: Pachyderm on September 22, 2007, 03:57:56 PM
You can lead a pirate to water, but you cannot make him drink.
But lead ye a Pirate to a cask o' rum and he will drink it dry.
we should put these in a book. a good title might be...
Zen and the Arghhh of Monastical Maintenance
Love it! Here are some Zen sayings to paraphrase: http://www.astrostar.com/zen.htm
To be a pirate of wisdom one needs to be like ale: light and fluid.
Ne'er cross a pirate.
Ancient Piratical proverb:
He who has the cutlass gets the treasure.
(http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l42/anthonywad_2000/ZEN_AND_THE_ART_OF_400PX.jpg)
'Many Pirate Brownie points shall be gained by those brandishing Harper Perennial book covers'
'Seek the treasure close to home. For there are many dubloons to be found. Especially if you've got holes in yer pocket'
Never kick a fellow Pirate when he be down, 'nless he already teld ye where his treasure be burried an no one be wotchin, yarr!
A wise and well brought up Pirate always wears clean underwear.
One never knows when a shipwreck will happen and then the rescue will think ye was broughts up in a sty.
Quote from: goat starer on September 25, 2007, 11:02:55 AM
(http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l42/anthonywad_2000/ZEN_AND_THE_ART_OF_400PX.jpg)
This is wonderful! It needs to be on one of our t-shirts!!!
I thank you! :D makes up for being called an ageist racist by the prejudice tests ???
'The pen may be mightier than the sword, but a cannon ball can give you a real headache.'
Piracy is life made visible. And if you cannot pirate with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your ship and sit behind the bar of the pub and take alms of those who pirate with joy.
'A young wench knows a potential pirate partner by the size of his mainsail, the cut of his jib and the use of his cannon.'
Old wenches know that too, but are more forgiving if the jib is cut a bit on the paunchy side!
I loiks this one by Henry Miller (Bloke musta been a poirate):
"The aim of life is to live and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."
Pirates of the female persuasion do well by having a well adjusted clevage at all times.
It distracts the male pirates something fierce and leaves a lady free to pillage to her hearts content.
Y'arrgghh! Oi foinds that just the act of adjusting it is more effective than havin' yer parrot dive-bomb 'em!
Blessed be the art of decolletage. For the Playbilge reading Pirate would be most lost indeed without it.
Blessed be the decolletager (fullstop).
To eat too much Fish Head Stew is as bad as to eat too little.
In all things-share and share alike. This might not apply if said all things are booty- then one might not need to share alike.
As the zephyr blows, stay upwind of those who have consumed Stoo.
Diamonds may well be forever, but gold is for long enuff!
The Heart is where the Gold is.
He who is cast adrift in an Open Boat is not lost,
For the Stars shall guide him.
He who is cast adrift on an Open Boat shall not starve,
For his cabin boy shall nourish him.
He who is cast adrift in an Open Boat is not alone
For his wenchalicious siblings will hug and pinch him.
He who is cast adrift in an Open Boat, yet forgets to insert the bung
Had better be good with the bailing bucket
He who is cast adrift in an open boat had better just watch where they try and insert that bung stopper- or else the wenchalicious siblings will teach him to swim with the sharks.
Pirate quiz teams should try to argue less amongst themselves, for they who seek harmony not carnage shall winneth the prize.
(Yea, verily that is so and a hug to you.)
Zen question: What is the sound of one scalliwag keelhaulin'?
YArrrrr...
Indeed Opsa. That question has plagued my inner pirate spirit for many a year.
Arrrrrrr, indeed...and if a shipmate be Keelhauled when no one be watchin, deep in the middle o the ocean...has he really been Keelhauled?
Aaaaaaaaarrrgghh!! That wun keeps me awakes at nite !!
Arrrr...He HAS been Keel Hauled judgin by the state on him:
(http://www.nightmarefactory.com/FW8576P.jpg)
Y'ARRR... his teef certainly look keelhauled, but would he still ave is oi patch an ear ring?
Arrrrrrrr...we Keel hauled im through an Eye Patch an Ear Ring shop!!!
Well, that was mighty taddy of you!
By the way, a belated happy thousandth post!
Why thankee matey...I has enjoyed every one!
It's not the look of the Mr Blobby, but the Mr Blobby inside us all that counts.
YArrrr...
I think there is sumthin for all of us in that one
Speak for yourself matey! ;D
Y'Arrrr, the Mr. Blobby inside of me doesn't know OW to count!
oi was hoping he'd show me...
Opsa I can 'elp ye get to 10, but then ye be on yer own
firs off sits down and takes off ye boots
(not you DaveL---- the stink'll kill us, and fellas no cheatin to 11(or 13 or whatever) by droppin ye drawers)
"A cutlass is a means to an end, not an end to mean old git"
Any mean old git what gits atween me an' me doubloons will git a taste o' me cutlass and oi don't cares what Chuang Tzu has ter say about it!
A Pirate Haiku
Avast, ye mateys!
lamplight gleams off a cutlass
reeking fish head stew
Cor, it's like poetry or something. RR, come join us at the haiku game here:
(some one has written the first two lines, you supply the last line of the haiku and write the first two lines of the next one) http://toadfishmonastery.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=32&topic=69.new#new
From the Aye Ching
Hexagram Nine: Small Plunderin:
1. The first NINE, undivided, be a pirate returnin from the pubbes an pursuin his own ship. What open boat should he fall into? There be good fortune.
2. The second NINE, undivided, be a pirate returnin to is proper route. There be good fortune.
3. The third NINE, undivided, be a keel, the rope beneath bein removed. Nothing be lost.
4. The fourth SIX, divided, be a pirate protestin innosense. The danger of angin be averted, and all charges dismissed. There be no misfortune.
5. The fifth NINE, undivided, be a pirate buyin a round o drinks, and drawin his mates to his bosom. Rich in booty, he hires some wenches.
6. The topmost NINE, undivided, be a storm brewin, and progress thwarted. But a cabin boy hexercisin restraint, however firm and correct he be, be in a position of peril. If the captain flogs his crew there will be mutiny.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Aye Ching be a mysterious guide, best pondered after a few tankards of ale.
Next week we'll look at hexagram XXVI: Great Plunderin.
:1stprize: :ROFL:
I swear by that book !
From the Aye Ching
Twenty-Six Great: Great Plunderin:
1. The first NINE, undivided, shows a cabin boy in a perilous position. It will be advantageous for him to stop his retreat.
2. The second NINE, undivided, be a great chest, the hinges an strappin' bein' removed. Nothing be lost iffen dead men tell no tales.
3. The third NINE, undivided, shows a pirate cap'n urging on his men wif a cat o'nine. Hit will be good fortune to press on wif all haste.
4. The fourth SIX, divided, shows a young bilge rat. There will be great good fortune in the galley.
5. The fifth NINE, divided, shows the teeth of a castrated hog. There will be good fortune. [NB: I did *not* edit this one!]
6. The topmost NINE, undivided, shows a pirate in command o' the crow's nest, on th' watch fer a proper island hideyway. There will be great fortune iffen it be shared out among few mates.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Aye Ching be a mysterious guide, best pondered after a few tankards of ale. Oi'll be off to ave one now an ponder me yarrow sticks.
A wench in me hand is worth two behind The Olde Bushe.
In a Zen monastery they sez "OM". Here we sez "YARRRRGH..."
Y(eee) signifois the launching of yer ship into new territory.
A(ahhh) represents yer basic happy mouth noises as ye pillage new stuff and knowledge an that, etc.
RRRRRGH(rr) is the sound of slowing down again at the end of the day to drink and count yer coin.
... (silent) is fer after you've used everything up and sit and think about yer next voyage.
Aaaaaargh...it be the SILENT part wot these Pirates keeps gettin wrong...the only Pirate I knows who can hover silently like a Ninja be Cap'n Cronan an that's because he be dead or undead or somat.
Oh...I forgot HEADLESS HARRY...he be quite quiet.
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.
Basically, follow yer old Capting, whack 'im on the head wif a shovel, and nick 'is stuff! Much easier.
No yesterday, no tomorrow, and no today.
Sheng-ts'an
Sounds loike a man fond o' his rum!
Cap'n Sun T'zoo said: By means ov water, an enemy may be hintercepted, but not robbed o' all 'is belongins (hunless they be summat yer really wants).
Arrrr...I aint feelin very wise today, every time I repair me garden fence panels a force ten gale blows em down again...
In the words of Zen Titchmarsh...
he who repairs fence without lookin at weather report shall reapeth the wild wind in the morrow
YArrrr...
He who cohabits a room with Big Ron without checking what's he's eaten 2 hours previous, shall reapeth wild wind immediately.
"Better to sit all night than to go to bed with a dragon."
Oi fink 'e's met the missus...
"When you seek it, you cannot find it."
Dat's why Oi made a map...
Quote from: Pachyderm on March 23, 2008, 07:41:49 PM
"Better to sit all night than to go to bed with a dragon."
Oi fink 'e's met the missus...
"When you seek it, you cannot find it."
Dat's why Oi made a map...
Arrrrrrgh...I went to bed wiv a Dragon once...
her usband was furious!
Wise is the Pirate that enters Madame Chantal's 'The Count of Monte Christo Room' on a full stomach.
For thy specified number of days until thy next meal are unspecified.
Water which is too pure has no fish.
But it's only pure because there are no fish. Leastways, Oi nevvir did see a fish haul out onter the land fer a crap....
Since it is all too clear
It takes time to grasp it.
When you understand that it's foolish to look for fire with fire,
The meal is already cooked.
Oi allus looks fer foire wif me eyes. Well, one o' them anyway. Bit o' a schoolboy error, that.
Blessed is thy dugong and manatee, for their womanly shape doth make a lonely pirate think of many wicked things.
Kissing those whiskers shall snap their wandering minds back to reality quick smart.
Blessed in thy nice pink frilly frock. For it doth make thy gentle feminine side emerge after many long months at sea.
Blessed is thy nice thug waiting in that dark alley for pink frock wearers to emerge. For really they are just jealous!
rrrrrrrrzenrrrrrrrrrr
zenrrrrrrrrrrrrrrzen
rrrrrrrrzenrrrrrrrrrr
HOKAY I DUNNIT !
Blessed be those that check their still pipes regularly. For there is nothing better playin with yer bits, before ye start producing contraband.
Do not seek the truth. Only cease to cherish opinions.
(Real Zen quote, and a dandy.)
Do not seek my gold. Only seek to cherish your neck.
(New piratical proverb)
A paragraph should be like a lady's skirt: long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting.
Akshully, Oi don fink that wun needs much changin'.
Wot's a parrotgraf?
Ye means loik a yarn?
Silly, a parrotgraf is a pitcher made by a parrot, usually found under his perch.
Mine once made a parrotgraf whot looked like Elvis, all down me back.
I thought that a parrotgraph was a long distance method of communication for parrots, the one replace by the Macawni.... ;)
"Happy" is the purchaser of Big Ron's gourmet range of sausages. For he that doth advertise their products within proverbs is most unscrupulous indeed.
*YArrrrr...Oi think Oi even confused meself with that one.*