No lie- My kid just got a little puzzle in a gumball dispenser that included the following instructions:
"PUZZLE BALL
Let's decompose & enjoy assembling
HOW TO DECOMPOSE
Easily though it into the floor have fun"
Wow, I'm glad I got to see these before I actually had the occasion to decompose! I would've done it all wrong.
Hmmm, perhaps some technical help from "Be careful of the mental parts when dissemble the yo yo" is in order.
Is decomposing more or less hi-tech than dissembling...
I still regard "Peanuts Smelling in Cream" as one of the greatest product names ever. Tasty, too...
here are a couple of links for your enjoyment
overclockers (http://www.overclockers.com/articles1238/index04.asp)
New Viagra (http://www.doheth.co.uk/funny/products/The_New_Viagra) note this one might be a photo shop- but it is probably one of the real ones they have
Quote from: anthrobabe on February 16, 2008, 08:08:33 PM
here are a couple of links for your enjoyment
overclockers (http://www.overclockers.com/articles1238/index04.asp)
New Viagra (http://www.doheth.co.uk/funny/products/The_New_Viagra) note this one might be a photo shop- but it is probably one of the real ones they have
Yep, it's real. It's glue.
This is a pretty funny site, if you can get around the name, which makes me a bit uncomfortable:
http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=hang.jpg&category=Engrish%20from%20Other%20Countries&date=2007-09-20
Two years ago for Christmas my niece(age 3 at the time) kept asking for Rack a Mo game-- and we were racking our brains, and finally we were at a store one day and here she comes carrying a box and it was exactly what she wanted
Whack-A-Mole! she's played it at pizza places and then saw a comercial for the home version and well she got it.
I don't have digital pictures of them, but in Uganda there is a Joke Investments Company, able to help with your finances, a Sham Supermarket, Cock Rice and Cock Paints, as well as the Snow White Pharmaceutical Company.
When I was in Puerto Vallarte, we saw a bread truck with the company logo, "BIMBO".
We had great fun with Bimbo Bread. Someone finally came up with the ad phrase...
Bimbo Bread Builds Better Bodies
Quote from: Aphos on February 20, 2008, 04:55:26 AM
When I was in Puerto Vallarte, we saw a bread truck with the company logo, "BIMBO".
We had great fun with Bimbo Bread. Someone finally came up with the ad phrase...
Bimbo Bread Builds Better Bodies
BIMBO!!!!!! Bimbo bread is the bomb! Oh they have the best stuff-- they sell Pan Tostado (toasted bread) it's sort of like a giant melba toast- it comes in a package with 8 slices- so good with cream cheese. yes the first time I saw the name in Tucson I was like :o -- now they even sell their limited line in LR, and the number of super mercados (aka mini-mexi-marts) is growing and they carry it as well. They also have a Pina pastry-- sort of a pineapple jelly roll----- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Woo Hoo!!!!!
i got one of these for christmas in a cracker. I spent AN HOUR trying to get into the thing before in frustration chucking it across the room. it broke open on the floor and a small slip of paper floated out from inside. written on it.......
to open throw on the floor
:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
Bimbo has bought out one of the major bakeries here in Texas. Lots of good products and the Pan Manteca (a buttery pound cake) is wonderful.
They're also very good at the standard bread products, and more truthful about 'whole wheat' and 'stone ground wheat' products...they TELL you what percentage of the flour is what it's titled, unlike most bread manufacturers, who don't care to mention that their whole wheat is mostly white flour with a tiny bit of whole wheat and a lot of molasses for coloring.
It's pronounced Beem-bo, by the way.
Quote from: Sibling Chatty on February 22, 2008, 06:29:41 AM
Bimbo has bought out one of the major bakeries here in Texas. Lots of good products and the Pan Manteca (a buttery pound cake) is wonderful.
They're also very good at the standard bread products, and more truthful about 'whole wheat' and 'stone ground wheat' products...they TELL you what percentage of the flour is what it's titled, unlike most bread manufacturers, who don't care to mention that their whole wheat is mostly white flour with a tiny bit of whole wheat and a lot of molasses for coloring.
It's pronounced Beem-bo, by the way.
shhhhhhh- you are not supposed to mention their pound cake to me---- I can eat the whole thing. Have you ever sliced it and then put it in the toaster oven for a couple of minutes and then slathered it with your favorite jam/jelly---Oh Help---- Ok I'm going to El Jarocho to shop at lunch time.
and yes if you ask for Bimbo you get a look but if you ask for Beem-bo then you get good stuff.
Split the pound cake (the big one) lengthwise into 3 layers. Toaster oven it to nicely warm, mildly crispy. Sprinkle with chocolate chips, chopped pecans and a little brown sugar, dot with butter. Put back, toast until the chips are all meltedy and the pecans have crusted nicely with brown sugar.
Restack, top with either whipped cream or Cool Whip (You can completely cover it with Cool Whip) and serve immediately.
People will offer you many strange things for a second serving. (I turned down a future firstborn and two proposals of marriage over this.)
I will offer you all my camels for just one slice.
Alas, I have no camels to offer. Would Belgium be acceptable?
Does the Belgium come with chocolate?
The Belgium always comes with chocolate, Madame. It is the small statue of the urinating child and the fields of brassicas that are optional.
Oi, then we'll take the statue, but not th' brassicas. (They gives one the wind, you know...) ;)
Certainly, Madame. Would like the Belgium gift-wrapped? We have an expert wrapper on staff, and he is a virtuoso in the field of ribbons and bows.
I tried to have the camel gift-wrapped, but he spat all over me. Otherwise he is a camel of the highest quality, I assure you madam.
Wrap the Belgium, it's a gift.
Do yer think the camel would fit into the back of me Mini, or shall I get a lorry?
Dear sir or madam,
On behalf of the Organization for the Health and Safety of Camels, I would like to strongly counsel you not to 'get a lorry' if you have any intention of trying to use it to transport a camel.
It is not generally known to the non-lorry owning public that camels have, in point of fact, frequently evinced a degree of antipathy toward even the mention of the word 'lorry', let alone the attempt to persuade them to mount one, that can best be described as 'throwing a wobbler'.
My personal research leads me to suspect that they are, in point of fact, confused by their previous use of the word 'lorry' as a term of endearment, as it were, for their beloved former colleague Lawrence of Arabia, and they don't like to be reminded of either the fact, or the manner of his subsequent demise...
I strongly suggest you use your Mini, provided of course that it is a convertible. Otherwise a long piece of strong twine is your bet bet.
Thanking you for your consideration, I remain,
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
My camel's name is Laurie and she will be happy to give you a lift home. If you respond with a slice of crunchy pound cake by midnight tonight, I will even throw in the howdah.
Oh, Mister Bertram, do not please blow the whistle on my humble camel stand.
Dear sir or madam,
I can only respectfully conclude that your esteemed camel is either of the Bactrian persuasion (does she have two humps?) and would not therfore be concerned about any issues with Lawrence of Arabia; or that your esteemed camel is, in point of fact, profoundly deaf. If I may make a little joke, I would surmise she might not, in that case, actually mind my blowing a whistle on her, as she could not hear it, if you take my meaning.
In hopes of my little joke having caused no offence, I remain,
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
Dear Sirs/Madams
Cease! Immediately!
(Do not take this personally; other threads are being warned too.)
Mrs S Black-Bungalow
Association of Ban Fun with Facts
Okay, to get back on topic-
I just put "Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?" into Babelfish from English to German and got:
"He Herr! Können wir unsere Kugelrückseite haben?"
which translated back to English like this:
"Hey more mister! CAN incoming goods have our ball bake?"
** Mrs S Black-Bungalow glows with success **
We, the undersigned, represent the Ban Mrs Black-Bungalow Society and wish to have Fun with Facts fully exonerated, and a public apology made.
For those of our members who speak or write no English, here is the above sentence in Portuguese:
Nós, o undersigned, representamos a Sra. Preto-Black-Bungalow Sociedade e desejo da proibição para ter o divertimento com os fatos exonerated inteiramente, e um apology público feito.
Quote from: Opsanus tauOkay, to get back on topic-
I just put "Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?" into Babelfish from English to German and got:
"He Herr! Können wir unsere Kugelrückseite haben?"
which translated back to English like this:
"Hey more mister! CAN incoming goods have our ball bake?"
I find Babelfish is quite entertaining if you alternate sequential translations between Germanic and Romance languages:
"XI PG of us part of ball us you have ayto'wn this can"
Quote from: pieces o nine on February 25, 2008, 11:59:35 PM
"XI PG of us part of ball us you have ayto'wn this can"
Impressive. That's almost Pirate !!
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTWe are sad to report the death of Mrs S Black-Bungalow
Dear sir or madam,
I would like to establish as a known fact that the camel involved in the aforementioned unfortunate incident was, in point of fact, a wild camel, and therefore must be considered, under the principles of Common Law, as ferae naturae, and hence the Organization can in no way be considered to have incurred any liability in, or for, the said unfortunate incident, or, in point of fact, to, or for, Mrs S Black-Bungalow or her no doubt modest estate.
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
pieces lays a sprig of thorny bush and a canteen of water at the fence in tribute to Mrs S Black-Bungalow.
** Mero lays a mini-vibrator atop the sprig of thorny bush at the fence in tribute to Mrs S Black-Bungalow. **
Quote from: The Meromorph on February 26, 2008, 03:27:45 AM
** Mero lays a mini-vibrator atop the sprig of thorny bush at the fence in tribute to Mrs S Black-Bungalow. **
Ai dubble doggies dare any-buddy to Babelfishie THAT oenz...
Quote from: Sibling ChattyAi dubble doggies dare any-buddy to Babelfishie THAT oenz...
It would be rude to not accept that challenge:
Simply place minioye vibrador on sprig bush thorny in the lattices in Ehrerbietungen on mrs. Preto is black preto- it is black -Bungale*pieces shudders and repents*
ps: what did you leave at the fence in tribute to Mrs S Black-Bungalow?
Quote from: Opsanus tau on February 25, 2008, 10:19:19 PM
Okay, to get back on topic-
I just put "Hey Mister, can we have our ball back?" into Babelfish from English to German and got:
"He Herr! Können wir unsere Kugelrückseite haben?"
which translated back to English like this:
"Hey more mister! CAN incoming goods have our ball bake?"
Interestingly the German translation is grammatically and technically correct (but still a bit nonsensical).
The backtranslation on the other hand is complete rubbish and I have no idea where it finds the words.
And what to make of this?
Again to the break, are dear friends, again, or approximation to the wall above with our English dead ones one one, in that peacetime there, nothing therefore a man the activity of the tiger as modest peace and modesty copies, but, if the bang of the war in our ears burns through, then; Strengthens the chords, beschw50ren you up the blood, usable nature of the fodder with hardpreferential rage. Lend then the eye a terrible aspect; Vacation to it by the portage of the head like the brass cannon you behinderen; It brews O'erwhelm as fearfully as doth versandet away from rock the O'erhang holidays and jutty its konfuse lower surface, Swilled with the wild and expensive ocean. Now you adjust the teeth and extend you the extended nostril, keep you strong the breath and bend you to each spirit to its full height at a value of degrees. On English to you the its is on, herrlichsten is fet, blood of the fathers war proof, fathers, who have like so many Alexanders in these parts from the morning, until even fought, and their sheet coats for lack of the argument. Entehren it not your mothers; testify now this hose, to which you witnessed fathers, who designated, you. They are now copy to the men of groberen blood, and you receive them, as were. And you, good Yeomen, whose members in England were manufactured, show us here the Mettle of your pasture; leave to us schw50ren the fact that you are it breeding?which, which I, because it does not give from you, do not mean therefore you and this does not manufacture you hath wonderful gloss in your eyes doubt. I see the fact that convenient like wind her into which and in the load to the beginning pursues witnesses. The play on the way: Follow your spirit and after these business cry, ' God for Harry! England and holy George!' The fast artilleryman with linstock, even now, devilish those, the cannon and down everything to be affected, goes before them!
On the other hand I tried that old ballad I parodied for the choral squids and found the translation to be actually more or less correct:
Sabinchen was hold and virtueful a woman room. It faithfully and fairly always lived with its service rule. 2. There a young man came along from Treuenbrietzen. That wanted to possess Sabinchen so gladly and was a shoemaker. 3. It has its money verse open, in liquor and also in beer. There he came to Sabinchen gel open and wanted which of it. 4. It could give it keins, there stole it on places ' from its good service rule six silver sheet metal spoons. 5. However after eighteen weeks, there the theft came raus. There one hunted with insult and dishonor Sabinchen from the house. 6. She called: "Verruchter shoemaker, you rabenschwarzer dog!" There it took its razor and cut it starting from the throat. 7. The blood to the sky squirted, Sabinchen fell down directly. The bad shoemaker from Treuenbrietzen, stood around it. 8. In a dark cellar, with water and with bread, there he has finally admitted the grausige Moritot. 9. And the moral of the Geschicht ': Do not trust ' no shoemaker! The jug, goes so for a long time to the water, until that the handle breaks.
What I do not understand is why babelfish tends to translate 'er' (he) and 'sie' (she) and their derivatives as 'it' on a regular base.
Interestingly it interpreted 'versoffen' (wasted on drink) as 'Vers offen' (verse open).
Next I tried the Marseillaise. Babelfish managed to translate "marchons, marchons" as "marchons, go". Why did it recognize the word thes econd but not the first time?
All praise to Swato for staying on topic so valiently.
Does anyone actually speak Babelfish?
** Mrs S Black-Bungalow has been exhumed for a post-mortem as it has come to official notice that her death was suspicious. The original toombstone will be replaced. No responsibility can be taken for objects or detritus destroyed or disturbed during the exhumation, and especially not for the members of the exhumation digging party who all seem to be smiling oddly. Anyone wishing to observe the post-mortem should present their credentials to the presiding officer **
Dear sir or madam,
It has come to my attention in my official capacity that the previous reference to a camel, while made in all good faith, was in fact in error. I wish to establish that the beast alleged to be, and mis-reported as a camel, was, in point of fact, an elephant, and as such, has no factual, financial, legal, or moral connection to the Organization.
None whatever.
At all.
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
Laurie the (aforementioned) camel may be an elephant, but believes herself to be a camel due to a disorder of the salivary glands. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Though she has been fitted with an enormous drool bucket, she prefers to believe that she is a perfectly normal camel that just happens to carry an howdah and who are we to disagree with her, really? I mean- which of us has not believed themselves to be a camel at some point or other in his life? Plus, she could crush us with just one stomp.
Other than the above, I assure you that she is a camel of the highest quality. She can rip out trees by their roots and comes in handy for caving in an enemy's house.
In a related note, I would have Babelfished this, but none of the languages offered were African or Hindi, so Laurie could not have read them, anyway.
The closest I got was Portuguese:
Laurie the camel (above-named) can be an elephant, but it is given credit to be a camel due to disorder of the glands salivary. That one is not any thing wrong with that one there. Although it was fit with an enormous bucket of drool, it prefers to believe that it is a perfectly normal camel that only happens to load one howdah and that he is we to disagree with it, really? I mean which of us I did not give credit to be a camel in some point or another one in its life? Signal of addition, could jam us with only one stomp. To the exception of above, I assure it who am a camel of the the most raised quality. He can become torn for it are of the trees for its roots and comes in accessible falling down in the house of an enemy.
The pathologist has had a quick look at Mrs S B-B and does not like the look of her left shoulder, stomach and knees. He is also concerned about something sticky in her hair, although her best friend Mrs Amelia Swashbuckle insists they have a new lad at Polly Pretoria's Primping Parlour where Mrs S B-B recently had a new hairdo.
Quote from: SwatoplukVacation to it by the portage of the head like the brass cannon you behinderen;
Thank you, sir, for babelfishing one of my favorite speeches. I found many passages worth pondering, (in a nod to J.D. Salinger) in the outgoing water of the bathtub, but that quoted above surely bears wisdom for the ages.
A friend who posts on another board has the full-blown SYSTRAN and amuses with the weird and wonderful byways of computer translation. It's better than nothing, but needs to be 'received with large corn of salt'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It is being rumored that Mrs Amelia Swashbuckle has been named a 'person if interest' by the authorities in the inquest following the exhumation of the late Mrs S Black-Bungalow. Official spokesperson are, so far, refusing to confirm rumors that her injuries are consistent with those which might be inflicted by a deranged elephant. Updates to follow.
I've just been speaking to someone who has been writing a chat bot. Apparently it is good at understanding questions but doesn't answer them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr Smartpants, the local pathologist, has told police that he found two giant toenails embedded in Mrs S Black-Bungalow's stomach contents, a source confirmed this afternoon. Amonia, Mrs Amelia Swashbuckle's daughter, said her mother was unavailable for comment.
Oi hereby wishes ter state cat-er-gor-ically that Oi had nuffink ter do wif the unforchoonate de-mise of the Mrs. Black-Bungalow. Oi was no-where near at the toime. in fact Oi was in Church, taalkin' ter the Minisiter abaht the noo roof 'e's collectin loot money fer.
Oh, and Oi's not de-ranged. Oi has a oice Aga in the kitchen.
If'n anyone is going past the Cop Shop, could they drop in an' ask fer me toenails? Only Oi's seen the Constable goin' around wif a pair o' moighty big pair o' handcuffs....
Sir
If you would present us with some recent toe nail clippings we will endeavour to eliminate you from our enquiries.
C.
Dear sir or madam,
You may be aware that the Organization maintains a comprehensively indexed database of Camel Toe nail clippings. Regrettably our airtight security arrangements strictly limit database access to the senior Help Desk staff.
The Organization deeply regrets any inconvenience this may cause you, but I am, in point of fact, authorized to access the said database on your behalf. If you will kindly and expeditiously place the aforesaid toe nails into my trustworthy hands, I will undertake to compare them with our database. Please note that the entire toe nails must be supplied.
Please also note that the comparison process normally results in the complete destruction of the samples and any matching items filed in the database.
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
** Warrant **
This authorises the following persons
PC Fat Boy
PC Luke Skyskater
WPC Amarilla Petworthy
DCI Jack Scribbins
for the folllowing avtivites
category A
~~~~~~~~
to enter the property of the Organization for the Health and Safety of Camels
to rummage around
to hack into the Organizations databases
to download the Organisations databases to any medium of choice
to remove the Organisation computers to a place of choice
to examine the accounts of the Organization for the Health and Safety of Camels
Category B
~~~~~~~
to interrogate staff members of the Organisation
to bang up Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk
to bang up Bertram Bentwhistle cronies
Category C
~~~~~~~
to seal the premises of the Organisation
to bring in and use digging equipement at the Organisation
Category D
~~~~~~~
to suspend all activities of the Organization for the Health and Safety of Camels
Dear sirs, missesis and related gendered people
I have noticed that there seems to be a dispute concerning the species of a certain quadruped and whether it can be categorized as a camel or an elephant. Without knowing the animal in question personally (and I do mean, not in the biblical sense) I would nonetheless beg you to consider the possibility that it may be a Bakthrian moose. In order to help you gentlebeings with the identification I will add the picture of this specimen very dear to me (I assure you that it is a purely aristotelic relationship devoid of any parthenogenetic aspects).
Yours semihonourably
ADH (horse liver)
(http://kamelopedia.mormo.org/images/7/76/Elch.png)
Man, what is it with the youth of today?
Quite large, often beige, variable number of humps on the back. Bad temper, projectile spitting and often found in the company of men wearing blue cloth, = camel.
Very big, grey (never beige), short tail, long trunk, no humps and dirty big teeth sticking out = elephant.
And now there is a third contender, the Bactrian Moose!
It's all lies, I tell you. The camel did it, and ran away....
Dear sir or madam,
Perhaps you are not aware that the, as it were, headquarters of the Organization are in an undisclosed location, and not, in point of fact, accessible to persons with flat, and probably ill-cleaned, feet. Allegedly valid warrant. or no allegedly valid warrant.
All contact with what I must describe as the 'general public', whether they have flat and or grimy feet or not, must be conducted through the Organizations Help Desk. Regrettably our airtight security arrangements strictly limit physical access to the senior Help Desk staff.
The Organization deeply regrets any inconvenience this may cause you, but I am, in point of fact, authorized to deal appropriately with such 'members of the general public' as yourselves. If you will kindly and expeditiously place the aforesaid alleged warrant into my trustworthy hands, I will undertake to deal with them in the manner prescribed by Organization policy. You are advised that Camel Toes may be involved.
I remain,
your helpful, and only, interface with the Organization,
Bertram Bentwhistle, chief deputy adminstrator of the Organization's Help Desk.
Tattle Gossip Column. Monday.
The beautiful Amonia is to present her new young man, Bertram, to her parents this evening. We at the Tattle wish the young couple well.
Dear tattle,
Cor! There won't be a dry eye in the place!
Is it true that that there nice young master Bertram made 'is fortune playing Cripple Mister Onion?
Cor! 'E ain't arf cute!
Tattle Gossip Column. Tuesday.
Mrs Amelia Swashbuckle was delighted to make the acquaintance of her daughter Amonia's new young man, Bertram. She spent several hours in secluded conversation with him.
Meanwhile, in other news, Dr Smartpants has gone missing. He was last seen on Sunday evening at the laundaurette in the High Street. Anyone with any information should call the police and ask for DCI Jack Scribbins.
We regret to announce that our Letters page has not been printed today.
(http://support.eseenet.ca/newsletter/tnt/20110211/M.jpg)
Valentine's Day is coming - don't forget your Sweatheart! :mrgreen:
this was in the weekly marketing email from the local Asian mega-supermarket, so there's really no excuse
Ooh! That's some steamy valentine!
Foux de fa fa! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlMuwdmBhTk)