The doghouse (This is a crak up!)

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

sending? 
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On the subject of the vacuum cleaner and jewelry I must convey an argument my mom told me long ago in favor of (expensive) jewelry: it should be seen as savings. Thinking further it makes perfect sense, in older times women were completely dependent on their husbands/lovers for survival with little or no possibility of getting a job (respectable or otherwise) to get by if they found themselves widows or abandoned, more so, even if the husband was available, in hard times said jewelry could be traded for food or used to keep the house etc, etc, etc.

OTOH I agree wholeheartedly with Darlica about the gift of houseware, if a woman lives alone and she has no vacuum cleaner/microwave oven/cooking pots/etc it may be a thoughtful gift, but giving it to someone you live with implies that she is the one making use of said 'tools' exclusively with all the chauvinist connotations you can imagine.

In fact, until said connotation vanishes from our collective psyche, I would avoid making that kind of gift to any woman you care about. 

[pieces o nine]

Bob, I understand  (I think!)   and agree with everything you said about the importance of being gracious in the acceptance of any gift and the ugliness of gold-diggers  (which can be either gender, IME).

Maybe this analogy would help you to get past what seems to be sticking in your craw and obscuring the real point behind the premise that a special-occasion gift for a loved woman should be something that conveys a clear message that she *is* loved and valued for something *beyond* a live-in maid, laundress, and cook...

Let's say that a guy named, oh, say, "DualBags" gets a long-awaited promotion. Upon arriving home that night, he finds that his wife (whom we'll call, mmm,  "Goldie") has prepared supper for him. It is not steak and potatoes (his favorite), or roast beef (his second favorite), or even hamburger. Instead, she heated up a can of pork-n-beans and thawed out some hotdogs because they had a kosher-quality beef content -- plus she didn't waste money by running out to a store when there was perfectly good food at hand. And she bitched to all her friends the next day that he didn't seem to appreciate her thoughtfulness in providing him *any* dinner after working all day herself, let alone something sensible and economical on their budget. He can cook his own frank-n-beans next time, the whining bastard!


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I'll be the very first to admit that analogies, by definition, compare apples to oranges (if not vacuum cleaners to hotdogs!) but can you soften just a little for sensitive women who deeply crave  signs of affection and recognition that they are not housekeeping robots?  (Or sensitive men who crave  signs of affection that they are not live-in auto mechanics and lawn-boys!)

I'll also disclose here that I've turned down actual marriage proposals from three different men who had some quite admirable and practical qualities, but abso-frickly-zero  clues about *small* and *appropriate* romantic thoughts, words and/or actions when dealing with someone skipping about with two X chromosomes, and abso-frickly-zero  desire to develop those skills. 
[NB: expensive jewelry does *not* equal tenderness, thoughtfulness or romance.] [However, it *would* be quite appropriate from a man who regularly spends very large amounts of money on boy-toys for himself.] 

I'll add further that I have no regret about those refusals, and do not consider myself to be either heartless or greedy for expecting that any man who expects his partner to always look and act her best to make him happy, might break the factory seal on his brain and think about ways to make her happy once in awhile as well. And my very dear sibling Bob, that ferdamsure ain't a vacuum cleaner for an anniversary -- unless, perhaps, he makes it extremely clear that he will be the one wielding it! 


   Finally, here's a warm hug for every time you've bought a non-romantic gift with the very best of intentions and had someone lift a disapproving eyebrow.

[Sibling Chatty]

Hmmm, so I suppose I was being a golddigger when I was...less than thrilled to get a coffeemaker for my birthday from my new husband. Whom I had been married to for 6 months, but had known for 10 years...and he'd NEVER seen me drink coffee because I DON'T DRINK COFFEE?? Yeah, a kitchen appliance for HIM for my birthday.

No, a 'gift' of a household appliance, unless the person has indicated that they specifically want that gift, is NOT a gift, it's a needed item for the house. Yeah, an $800 Dyson dual-canister 'fancy' vac is expensive. And SOOOO romantic, soooo personal...you walk into the store and buy an appliance. BFD. Might be a washing machine next time!!

Conversely, I had wanted a Kitchenaid mixer for...ever. REALLY wanted, looked at in catalogs, looked on line, wanting the cobalt blue Kitchenaid, specifically. They didn't make the blue anymore. Dan tracked it down for me, had to order it from the factory...the only ones available were factory rebuilts. But it was blue, and something I had wanted. And I was thrilled. (Who sit with their mixer next to them and pats it all evening?? Me, that Christmas Eve. The next morning, I used it for EVERYTHING for breakfast, and we're not breakfast eaters. I even used the juicer attachment and made fresh orange juice...)

It's NOT the cost of the gift with most women, it's the mindset. I am the first to say (in low money situations) that gift exchanges be practical items (or suspended/cancelled, like we've done for the last 3 Christmases) or small things. But I don't think calling a woman a gold digger over a gift of a household tool is a good thing. A couple in the socioeconomic situation the ad portrayed would HAVE some sort of vacuum cleaner. The choice of a new one as a gift for a 'romantic' occasion like an anniversary? Poor thinking, or NOT thinking, just spending money. Better a $5 bottle of bubble bath than an object that says "work in the house is what you mean to me".

Or "making MY coffee is YOUR job"... (I didn't have to say a word. His father, his secretary and the head of his department ALL straightened him out quickly when he told them that I had just looked at him and taken the box to the kitchen.)

[Griffin NoName]

My new and increasingly wonderful and lovely D-i-L desperately wanted a VERY expensive vaccum cleaner as a wedding gift. I am the person who bought it for her - no one else was going to !!! Curiously, since cleaning is not my galliwick* I too wanted a similarly very expensive vaccuum cleaner as a wedding gift.

* have always wanted to use that word

[Bruder Cuzzen]

*sigh* I'd love a vacuum cleaner right now , as well as  a washing machine , 30 lin. ft. of maple counter tops , 350 sq ft of oak flooring , 3 doz spruce 2"x4"x7'  , 3 oak 2"x10"x8' , 600sq ft. of insulation , an exhaust vent , etc. etc. etc..

I really don't care much for personal material items , be it a book ( I have a library card) or watch ( I'd be late regardless ) or tickets for some venue ( mobs of people make me more nutso than normal ) and yadda yadda yadda .
I would certainly appreciate anything given to me but I'd probably just give it away to someone who actually desires  stuff or truly needs whatever item .

I am perfectly content just to have a job go to and the company of family and friends .
I find all this junk about me quite a burden since I loathe to toss out anything useful , even if I have no use for it .

But of course that's just me (although my pal Fritz shares my sentiments    ).

PS. Tis good to see you back Griff !

[Griffin NoName]

TY kindly. It is good for me to see me back too !