Conflicts!

[Opsa]

Thank you, that is very heartening to hear.

I know I handled her badly when I was irritated with her, but after an apology and a pardon, it really should have been over. Trying to shame me before uninvolved parties is just a sign of how sick she is. I will not confront her, but if she pushes me too far, I will simply look her in the eye and say "I am not your problem".

[Sibling DavidH]

The sad part is, people like that can do so much damage before they leave or get thrown out or break up the project.  It's such a pity when you're just trying to do your bit and help out, then you get a slap in the face like that.
But I'm with Aggie:

Being sweet, humble and tolerant is a good thing, but it doesn't mean we should let others take advantage of us.

Stay cheerful.

[Griffin NoName]

How did she ever get to be producer?

Nasty stuff.

[Opsa]

I don't know, but I suspect they gave her the title to try to keep her happy. She has been with this particular troupe for decades, and is on the board. She is very insecure and needy. She has contributed to the show, but many of us underlings have had to pick up where she has flaked out, and she'll never know.

I met her three years ago when she was cast in a musical I was also in. She didn't show up for rehearsal for a number of weeks, and then was so behind they gingerly asked her to leave. On opening night she came backstage drunk and made two of the women in the cast shout at her by hurling accusations at them. My hackles have gone up whenever I've seen her since. I suspect she may pull another scene like that.

I pity her though, she is quite pathetic.

I just want to get this show over with this month and never audition with this company again. Eesh.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

I know I handled her badly when I was irritated with her, but after an apology and a pardon, it really should have been over.

Wait a sec, why apologize? You did ask for something completely reasonable, and unless you were mean spirited in your delivery you need not to apologize. If someone were wasting my time why would I have to apologize for bringing the subject to attention?

You are way more tolerant than me. 

[Opsa]

I think that she may have wanted a showdown with me (to get out her own anger), and so she challenged me by demanding an apology. I figured the best thing I could do was to just give a straight, simple immediate one to her. She clearly was not really expecting it, and it didn't cost me anything.

After that, she was just on automatic argument pilot. The more she involved other people and the more I kept quiet, the deeper into the dung she dug herself.

I think now that this battle had to be fought. There's a lesson here, somewhere.

[Aggie]

I love this technique, Ops....  just keep smiling, make the objectively correct moves to smooth egos without stoking them,  and let the disagreeable one prove beyond any doubt that you are the one in the right.

It's a form of passive aggression in the best possible sense of the term, and really is one way to fight back against those who try to hurt us. Let the conflicting party drop themselves on their arse of their own volition, without being able blame you for it. Use their negative energy to restrain the damage they can cause, without ever letting it touch you.  It also sends a message to third-party observers that you can be depended on not to stoop down to that level of interaction, even under duress.

Not all of us are Dee Dees, but all of us are capable of learning psychological defence skills of one sort or another.  Mental martial arts, if you will - like the physical arts, some styles attack directly and some styles use an enemy's force to counterattack and deflect.  This'd be roughly equivalent to mental aikidō.

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Sounds like psychological Tai Chi, using the energy of the enemy against him/herself. I'd love to learn how to do that given that I'm a bit less subtle in my approach...

[Opsa]

Yesterday I went to look at the site where Aggie picked up his new avatar, which just happened to be the site of a psychic person. Curious, I rooted around and stumbled on a short daily webcast page. I was slightly startled to find it to be  appropriate for what I was going through. Yesterday's cast spoke about taking an eagle-like warrior approach to conflict. I took this to mean I should keep above the situation and prepare for for battle rather than try to avoid it.

I took this advice.

She was right on the front steps as I came to the theater, and I smiled and said "Hey (her name), how're you doing?" She looked a bit surprised but said hello back and I walked in there tall and strong and natural, without bluster but with the attitude that I was just there to do my work and was not to be messed with.

I had no further conflict. Thank goodness!

Still, I'm not going to let down my warrior stance. I still have two weeks to get through. Then this eagle is going to lift off.

[Griffin NoName]

Keep flying the flag Opsa !

[pieces o nine]

Wear this to practice, Opsa:   

[Opsa]

I love that, Cap'n Cleo!

That's just how I feel, sometimes- like a rabbit with a warrior heart!