GRRRRRRRRR

[Jayna]

...

[Griffin NoName]

Jayna you are't the only one here with divorces that make ones hair stand up on end.

Mine reads like you'd think it must be all made up. Incidentally, 30+ years on, I still have nightmares about my ex. often and wake up fuming that he still in there, in my subconscious and as damaging as ever.

Last night's wasa that I remarried him against everyone's advice (this is a frequent theme) and of course nothing had changed and within 10 minutes of the ceremony, he told me that we couldn't go off on the luxury planned honeymoon as he was only taking one night off work. I woke up crying and very angry with him.

Until I can purge my subsonscious I don't know how to stop the dreams. He is only a problem when I seep. I don't have much contact,

[Jayna]

...

[Zan]

I remember something about that at the time.

Wasn't there something weird about his cheating?  I can't remember what it was, but there was something really odd.

[Jayna]

I remember something about that at the time.

Wasn't there something weird about his cheating?  I can't remember what it was, but there was something really odd.

...

[Darlica]

For F***k's sake that (giving out the address like that and taking strangers in to the house) is reason enough he shouldn't have the kids staying overnight in his house... And comparing his income and yours shouldn't he pay you?

American laws...




Also you are far from the first or the last who uses this place to vent, most of us do now and then.

   

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

Jeez, Jayna! What a worthless dick! Glad you're going to be shot of him soon.

I'd go after him for alimony after this stunt, though I don't know if that work for you.


Also, Griff: What a jerk.

[Jayna]

Thanks, Darlica and Scriblerus. I really should take him to court... and yeah, he would have to pay me pretty significant alimony, most likely. I was just hoping we could call it even and be quit of him without it. Thanks for letting me vent this here.

[Opsa]

You poor girl. I used to be in a bad marriage too (egomaniac supreme with game-playing tendencies), but got out of it by letting HIM get the divorce and not asking for alimony. I was just glad to be out of it. Of course, we owned no property and had no children together, so that made it easier. But like Griffin, I still have the occasional dream where I'm married to him and am absolutely horrified and planning my escape all over again. I wake up totally weirded out and then tremendously grateful that it was just a dream and that I've found a better life. It's a humbling thing.

I think Scrib is right. Maybe you need to call your lawyer and straighten this thing out right now.

As for refi, have you checked out this website: http://makinghomeaffordable.gov/eligibility.html
We didn't think we qualified, but have found out that we actually do. You could ask a refinancing agent.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

Thanks for letting me vent this here.

Speaking as a male of the species-- some men should not be permitted to divorce.

Instead, if found suitable to be not-married, should be summarily shot instead.

*humpf*

Good thing *I* am not in charge of things, isn't it? 

/end sarcasm

[beagle]

Reminds me of two Diana Dors quotes on marriage and monogamy. Amusing, even if you don't necessarily agree.

"I don't think men and women were meant to live together. They are totally different animals."

and

"I said to this priest: 'Am I expected to believe that if I went out and had an affair that God was really going to be upset? Okay, thou shalt not kill... steal... but thou shalt not commit adultery? If no one is any the wiser, what the hell difference does it make?' He was lovely. He told me the Commandments were laid down for a lot of guys living in the desert."

[Darlica]

[mod mode]
Let's nip this in the bud shall we; this is not a thread about women Vs Men...
I suppose we all know some women who are egoistic and manipulative bastards, as well as some men. Some people are leeches, it has nothing to do with the persons gender.

This thread is about someone's personal experiences of a relationship gone bad -let's keep it that way. 

[end mod mode]

[Griffin NoName]

Thanks for keeping us on track Darlica.

[Zan]

Um.

[Darlica]

Um?



Something you wonder about?

[Zan]

Um?



Something you wonder about?

No, no, carry on.

[Jayna]

Thanks for all the support, you guys. It means a lot. I've been so stressed out, but the good news is that the refinance is moving forward and the house appraisal came back at almost $115k lower than it appraised for last time, which means there is essentially no equity worth fighting over. First time ever that this recession did me any good...

Anyway, yes, this is not about men vs. women. There are plenty of men I know who have also had terrible marriages to selfish people, and many of the most supportive people in my life right now are my male friends, including Zan.

Funny story, I forwarded the whole appraisal to my ex, and he sent me back this snarky email asking where I "managed to find this free appraisal". Huh? I emailed him back, asking how on earth he came to the conclusion it was free? It's part of the refinance package and it cost me $500! Nobody would do a detailed appraisal like that for free, WTF...

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

Sorry you have to deal with an idiot even if it is by email. Hopefully things will get better with the refinancing. 

[Opsa]

Just ignore Mr. Snarky. He's history.

I'm glad to hear the refi is happening.

[Darlica]

Good to hear things move forward, His Royal Snarkyness is history and you are moving on.

I'm In another corner of the world rooting for you!

[Griffin NoName]

Glad things are heading in the right direction.

[Bluenose]

Jayna, you can always come here when things get a bit rough for you.  We accept people for who they are and you are good people.  Hope it all goes well with the refinancing,  I know from first hand experience (I've been through a divorce too...) that as bad as it seems at the moment things do get better with time.  Sure, I still have issues when I have to deal with my ex (usually about the kids, fortunateluy now grown up) but it becomes better in time.  I know it does not seem like it now, and I recall that people telling me similar things when I was in the thick of it didn't seem to help much at the time (what would they know?), but in the end they were proved right.  Keep on keeping on and don't let it get you down.  And don't forget we're here for you.

[Scriblerus the Philosophe]

He really doesn't sound like he's thinking very clearly. And I'm glad you're soon to be shot of him.

[Aggie]

Damned good news on the low appraisal (strange for that to be the case); since I assume you're planning to keep the house for a while, it may eventually make the hassle of refinancing worthwhile.

[Jayna]

Thank you for all the support. Sadly he is intent on pressing the issue even though the equity is now less than my investment from my pre-marriage assets, and I am seeing my lawyer on Monday. I am not completely comfortable posting further about it or leaving my original posts here since I now understand some things I did not before, but I really do appreciate the kind words, thank you.

[pieces o nine]

Jayna, one of my life-long friends initiated what became a hideous divorce about a year ago. He wound up with a new car, a new house at the upper end in this area,*all* his initial down payment on that house and *all* the equity -- both payed into 50/50 -- as well as most of the goodies (many of which he seems to have chosen for pure spite).

It was awful, and she went through a roller-coaster while negotiating the legalities and financials, let alone normal emotional adjustments. However, she is well to be rid of him and does not regret it one bit. Good thoughts for you -- I hope you lose as little as possible in your break; it can be difficult (if not impossible) to recover entirely from the economic low-blows in such situations. But you will surely be better off without him in your future.  Best wishes!

[Griffin NoName]

Good luck Jayna.