Dispatches from a Cargo Cultist

[Griffin NoName]

Yes, Brrrrr! Me too. I bet it's fabulous apart from the temperature.

[Bluenose]

Let me see.  -16° C and 33 m/s wind.  33 m/s = ~64 knots.  For every 5 knots of wind you experience a wind chill of 3° C.  So wind chill = 3x64/5 = ~38°, so your apparent temperature would be -54° C.  I reckon that's pretty chilly - I start to complain when it gets down to +5°! 

[pieces o nine]

Cold nights and mornings, hot afternoons, some rain.

[Aggie]

Well, now I am probably the northernmost poster on the Monastery -way north of the polar circle, in the sub-arctic town of the arctic grouse, right next to the biggest subterranean iron ore mine in the world. Actually, some of the mine shafts are probably literally a kilometre underneath the bed I am lying upon at this moment.

This is a town that does have a strange feel to it -I´ll try to write something about it later in the week. Oh, and on wednesday, the forecast is of temperatures of -16 degrees and gusts of wind up to 33 m/s. Bracing.

Thank TGW, I'm not a competitor for worst climate anymore. We've had snow, but I suspect my winter garden may yet bounce back.

[Lindorm]

The weather came and went, and so did I in Kiruna -I have been up there for a total of about a month, doing training for a infrastructure maintenance company. Kiruna is a very special place, and a town full of contrasts -I'll try writing something about it in the tide pool later.

Work has been very busy at my new employer -we literally have to turn customers away, because we can't handle all the requests.

At my former employer, things have not been so rosy, though. The economic slump has hit parts of the Swedish industry hard -especially those parts that run a lot of freight on rail, such as steel industry, forestry, paper. pulp and chemicals. Freight volumes have plummeted and Green Cargo gave the employees a special chirstmas gift: A layoff of about 15% of the workforce. Negotiations between the company and the trade unions are still in progress with plans for a crisis agreement that would see most of the employees step down in hours worked and salaries paid, but would save the jobs of quite a few people. There are still a few snags to iron out before any agreement is in place, and there would still be layoffs, so things are far from certain. I have been visiting my former depot a few times for various reasons, and the mood can only be described as grim.

Ironically, the slump may actually lead to something of a boom for my present employer, since a lot of railway companies will now push mandatory training and retraining periods forward as a way of taking up slack from lost traffic, and they will probably want to outsource as much as they can of training and other services. It's nice to have a lot of work coming in, but it does have a bitter aftertaste.

[Griffin NoName]

It is very sad for your previous company and hope they can save some jobs with adjusting hours, but I am glad you are with the new company and not at risk.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

It's good to be with a company that is able to pick and choose it's customers.

In the summer, I get to do that myself, and it is gratifying to politely turn down a job we'd rather not be involved with.   Alas, winter's not so busy as all that.

I am looking forward to the tales of Kiruna though.

[Pachyderm]

GAFFER TAPE!!!!      

[Lindorm]

So, the time has come for us to start another round of recruiting to our basic driver training courses. We have had some very favourable coverage in mainstream media, including making the cover of Sweden's biggest respected daily as an example of a decent education with excellent prospects of a job afterwards.

The result is that, at the moment, we have some 700 applicants to the 30 places offered in Stockholm. This with about a month of the application period to go, and these are the ones that actually scraped through the preliminary web-based tests. Guess who has been drafted in to help handling the selection process and administering the serious selection tests? Yup, me.

As a side benefit, I have also handled quite a bit of all the questions that people have e-mailed in to us. "Oi, Lindorm. You're one of those academic types. That has to mean that you can speed-type, Here, be a darling and answer these 386-odd lunatics for me, will you?"

This has been something of a trial.

Dear prospective applicant, it is bad enough that you write in your letter that you do know that the answers to your questions can probably be had by reading our information webpage, but you really feel that you have to have questions answered your way. But when you, on top of that, write a looong, rambling and confused personal letter stating how independant you are, how much you like working on your own initiative and how resourceful you are in finding solutions to problems, you simply have to be taking the piss, no?

Dear prospective applicant, when we ask you, in your personal letter, to provide an example of a situation you have been in when you had to perform some safety-related task, why do you answer by bragging about how you were the sales champion at the advertisment sales company you previously worked for? Did someone get a papercut while trying to sell a few page 27 ads?

Dear prospective applicant, per Swedish and EU legislation, we do require a recent and valid test for drugs and alchohol from all applicants. No, there is no exemption. And yes, while we do not require a compy of your criminal record, some companies do so as a condition of employment. No,. there is nothing we can do about that. And no, there is still no excemtion from the drug testing. Are you nervous about something?

Dear prospective applicant, if you want to project a serious, responsible and employable image, perhaps you should spare a thought for what message an email adress such as "stinkypiss@whatever.com" or "HungLikeAHorse@spammail.com", or "legalizeitnow@wannaberastafari.com",or even "whitepower"godhatesfags.com" might send. Hint: It does tend to give a sharp (or, perhaps: intensely narrow) focus to your employability prospects.

Dear prospective applicant, if you happen to be a complete foam-at-the-mouth-trainspotter who knows the exact number and dimensions of every rivet used in the manufacturing of the boliers of the K4-class steam locos, do not expect us to be impressed. Sweden actually managed to move up to electrical traction about a hundred years ago.

Dear prospective applicant, if you are so dyslectic that you can't read the application form, then train driving might perhaps not be the job for you. While we do our best to help people with learning difficulties (and we really do -that's one of the things I am actually proud of when it comes to my employer), we can't translate all the 3000-odd pages of manuals that form the course literature, and we are not even legally allowed to do so. Likewise, yes, it is a legal requirement for you to be proficient in the swedish language in order to drive trains in Sweden, and no, we can't provide a polish translation of the rule books for you.

Dear prospective applicant, the course does rquire quite a bit of classroom activities, as well as quite a bit of hands-on training. Therefore, it is not possible to take a driver training course as a distance course while you are in Prague getting a MBA from some diploma mill, even if you say that you are really intelligent and have had a Märklin toy railway since you was a small kid.

...and so on, ad nauseum....   

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

We all know The Crazy^TM exist, but being actively reminded of their existence doesn't sound like a fun job... 

[Griffin NoName]

If they have a sense of humour at least they will get a laugh, even though no job.

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

LOL!

I love the one with the quirky e-mail addresses... that one is worth sharing. 

[pieces o nine]

Good luck on weeding through the applications to find the right candidates, Lindorm!

[Lindorm]

With so many applicants, we can afford to be quite rash and despotic in our decisions.

Hello Kitty letterhead? Bin.

The short, introductory, personal letter stretching out for eight pages? Bin.

Can't be arsed with responding in time? Bin

Not including any of the required supplementary documentation? Bin.

Writing in text-speak? Binzzorz

Haven't actually read the instructions on how to make your application? Bin with extreme prejudice.

Writing in, stating that you do not meet a certain formal criteria for prior education, but having a passed exam in virtually the same subject from another school, wondering if you can convert those grades to the required grades?

A answer of yes, you certainly can, here's how you do it, and welcome to stage three of the application process. Would thursday next week be suitable for your aptitude tests?

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

... bin



That wouldn't happen to have a shredder attached, would it?  It can be so satisfying to shred such things.  Good for the inner tranquility as it were.