Memories of Portsmouth

[Black Bart]

Post your photographic memories of Ye Olde Portsmouth town, so future generations can marvel at times gone by.

Here be a rare photo of Fifi's girls...with their clothes on!

[Black Bart]

Another very rare Portsmouth photograph...an extremely rare shot of 'The Dark Avenger' in flight over Portsmouth harbour:

[DaveL]

Portsmouth Pirate School Dux Molly McSporran receives her award for ARGH 304 'Corporal Punishment in Society'...yarr!

[Griffin NoName]

That's a fine set of stars on er jakket. Ow do Oi get sum?

[Black Bart]

YYYAAARRRRGH...Ere be a promisin new addition to the portsmouth fraternity...back in the good ol days they sarted em young!

[Black Bart]

Not many people will remember Bustlin Brian's Grandad: Roisterin Railroad Roger's attempt to bring the railroad to Portsmouth...but it was quite spectacular:

[Black Bart]

YYYAARRRRRRR...Happen it be that only Dave L and me have memories o Portsmouth...tis either cos only Dave L and me have ever actually been to Portsmouth...or it could be the state of our brains!!!

[The Black Spot]

Gah.

If ye can remember Portsmouth, ye weren't there. 'Specially on a Saturday night.

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

I wundered why Portsmouth rail was a bit slow that day.

[DaveL]

Yarrrr...

Captain Cronan's grandad takes the Arghhh 3000 for a test drive and fools the photographer with a bogus sign on the cliff.

[Griffin NoName]

Aaaar!  Ye can't fool me. That b'aint Cap'n Cronin's grandad !!

[Black Bart]

YYYAAAARRRRRRR, I remembers the Goode Olde Days down at ye harbour front, when ye could get Bilge Rat and two veg for half a Cronan:

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

That looks like a fine treat there Bart, those sure were the days...

[Black Bart]

Here we are me hearties a foine commorative porcelain plate depictin 'Hackles' the Portsmouth Harbour Dog.  He were a brave old mutt what saved the loives o many a salty seaman.  For many years he swam out to save all sorts of fishermen, pirates and seafarers...people began to think he were immortal.  Then, sadly, one Stormy Night, Hackles spotted a ship in distress and dutifully swam out to it...unfortunately it was Cap'n Cronan's Ship and Hackles drowned tryin to save all 350 men!

That Blaggard Cronan survived by inflatin Hackles's corpse with gas and usin the poor Mutt as a float!  The Fiend!

[The Black Spot]

Hackles? That bastid dog? Don't be remindin' me o' him!

One afternoon, someone threw a stick fer the stupid hound to fetch. The daft mutt ran over to me, got hold o' me pegleg an' ran off with it.

'Ee were lucky I couldn't run after 'im that day.

[Black Bart]

Now that be downright ungrateful...where else did ye expect him to sink his teeth?  Hackles was specially trained to drag a pirate by his peg leg.  Hackles predecessor 'Scunthorpe' didn't get very far as a rescue dog...he tried to drag 'Black Jack the Bastard' by his beard...we sent what was left of him to The Red Cow!

[DaveL]

YArrrr...

Hackles caused a bit of mayhem wif me female french poodle 'Trixie' a while back. Trixie escaped, but I needed a crow bar to get him off me leg. The testosterone in that dog was incredible!

[Black Bart]

Here we have a photo of a satisfied Portsmouth resident at the unveiing of Big Ron's sausage:

[Bruder Cuzzen]

" I memmer Portsmouth back afore ye Marm be bairn Billy bouy " .

" Tis naught wot she be now...*sigh*...jus luke at dem cobbestonz onna rowd en dem chimblys poken owt da thatch " I be missin da braziers en mud moren me mentor Capins ! ARR!...Dare be pirats  Billy ! ' At lest we still ave da rain en fog .

"ARRrrrr...My Portsmouth wuz muddy den me lad, fARRs everyware ta lite up da nite ... naught a minit wint by wen da grate pirats dint take us ta sum sARRRt ove pARRty .

" En da playbilge cennerfoal be proper...naught dat skellydon ye gots now ... dat remines me a da time DaveL en Pirgella ....Yarr ! Pirgella ...I memmer Pirgella...*sigh*...Now there..."

Billy Budlight adjusts the old pirate's hammock as he snores away , he walks down the empty street to the Admiral Benbow were other pirates gather to gossip .
Billy had free time and a bag of spices , he would learn more of Portsmouth even if it meant all his cloves , today Saucy Gert was tellin a story to her great grandaughters , the Benbows current owners and ale wenches , other old pirates hobbled in and settled down , Billy sat quietly and listened to all around him and began to write....

[DaveL]

Still Master Bluenose on the turps at an early age

[Black Bart]

GGGAAARRRRRRR...He were a handsome cove then!

[Bruder Cuzzen]

zzzzzzzzzzz *BLAAAT*...*fffrrrrraaaap*..." hummf...yarr wot wuz zat ?......

.....well... top o' the morn to ya Billy ! whut wuz dat ?.....

Ahhh , yes... whut wuz the haRRbour loike back in den olden daze ye asks....well... dint 'ave much in the way of moorings nor dock space back den .
  Mos daze ye fine the harbour jammed wid ships .
  Day be so close togedder dat everyone be plundering each an anudders botty an sech .
  Got to point everyone be pillaging dare owen stuff day gots ridda on ARR-Bay !
  Well... twernt much point in plundering one anudder affer dat kep hapnen ! but ah...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...*SnARRt* zzzzzzzzz....

[DaveL]

Big Ron's staff struggle through hard times after The Great Sausage Salmonella Scare of 1691. Big Ron Junior looks on.

[Griffin NoName]

Moighty fine peg legs in the foreground there !!

[Bluenose]

Still Master Bluenose on the turps at an early age

Yarr, that be a trick fotoe.  I kin tell because where's me pint o' rum?

[DaveL]

Yarrrrr...

It looks like yer trying to hide it under yer arm matey. Oi used to do the same when I raided the cookie jar, and me mum busted me. 

[Tanguerra]

Arrgh!! Remember the Old Admiral Benbow before the rennovations! It be all yuppified nowadays.

[anthrobabe]

Oh them was tha dayz!

I remembers well- the fun, the games, the nightly murders

good times

I members the time that one o me wenches tossed ol Black Bart out o tha window just by that sign and he landed smack on top o ol DaveL an then tha sheriff came along and rested em both for bleedin on tha public throughofare

tha way it is now -all uppity and spiffy and floors wif no stains an runnin water in that bathrooms- well it seems almost a shame to mess it up- can't have hardly no fun no more

[Black Bart]

Arrrrrr...lookin on the bright side though, they does empty the loo every four weeks now!

[anthrobabe]

we don empty em ye bugger

they be tha new fangled flush kind now

they be empty when ye visits cause ye's gone so much ye jes don pay nuff atension

so 'eres a hint to ye

tha lil silver button thingie on tha top o tha tank is to b pressed each time ye visits tha lil pirates room --if ye needs instructin please see DaveL as he had tha directions booklet last

[Griffin NoName]

If Oi remembers Black Bart roight, 'ed be needin ter eet ten tins o spinach jest ter get up ther strenth ter push ther button.

[DaveL]

Bustling Brian's 5 star merchandise awaits its next set of unsuspecting customers.

[Black Bart]

If Oi remembers Black Bart roight, 'ed be needin ter eet ten tins o spinach jest ter get up ther strenth ter push ther button.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh...I be weaker than Mr Burns!

Dragged meself back to the Monastry fer TLAP Day!

[Griffin NoName]

An a roight noightmair pllezure it be ter see yer !!

[Black Bart]

Hope yer avin a good TLAP Day.

Dese kids needs the best edumacationin dey kin gets...Oh elp...I'm decendin into Chow Mein/Bruder Curzen Lingo!

[anthrobabe]

News Headline out of Portsmouth
1 hour ago


Pillaging Pirates spotted
video at 11


Happy TLAP Day ye slimy maggots

[Black Bart]

Arrrrr...anybody remember these two fellers...they used ta work in the Old Portsmouth Fishe Heade Stewe kitchen:

[DaveL]

Big Ron's ill fated competition 'The Butcher Boys' move into Portsmouth, looking for a slice of the local sausage action.

[anthrobabe]

Memories of Portsmouth,
Or how I got the towns sawbones a new Surrey.
By Mad Maggot Magee

I remember the time that I filled the fountain in the magistrates courtyard with assorted meat and entrail leavings and turned the water off---- did I forget to mention that he was out of town, for about a month, and it was July, the very very hot July we had that year- and then I hid out in the area until he returned and when he stepped off the ship I hurried around to the pub and rousted me mates and we all trooped over to see his face when he opened his gate. And when we got there he was just arriving and he stepped out of his coach and unlocked the gate and strolled right on in and by and didn't take a second look at the mess, it was then me and me mates discovered that Black Bart and Pieces o Nine had stolen the offal to fed their crews.

The towns sawbones was soon able to buy a new surry as he was able to rent out all of his chamber pots to BB and PoN for their puking crews at a very nice profit.

[pieces o nine]

Today bein the Sabbath an all, oi took a leisurely stroll aroun' Historyc Portsmouth. Imagine me deloit at findin a small chapel in a narrow soide street off the Benbow. O' course, the chapel as been repurposed, loike (an ye locals nose wot oi'm referin to) but there was still a foine placard outside honorin one who was not from here, although he were eventually taken into the bosom, so to speak, o' the community.

Oi'm referin, o course to the Roight Rev'rund Mun-sea-nyer "Canon" O'Hanlon, God Rest 'im, wot brought religion to these sorry parts at the point o' his cutlass and eavy artillery. Oi am now off to the Benbow to lift a tankard of mead to 'is memory.

[Griffin NoName]

Aaaaaaaaaar!!  'e loiked a good mission 'e did !!!

[Black Bart]

Arrrgh...That there Canon O'Hanlon be lookin worryinly familiar.

It be a little known fact that Cap'n Cronan had Irish ancestors and one o em was a man o the church!

One of these ancestors was a Poet who made up such exerable verse that a group of his clansman murdered him! 

[Aggie]

Oi thought Kronan were a Swedish name....

[Black Bart]

Arrrr...well done matey...ye've discovered yet another Cronan wreck...

The Titanic
The Brittanic

and now the Kronan...fear his name!

[pieces o nine]

Oi found this old photo tucked inter a book in the Portsmouth Public Libery. Methinks the Young Madame Fifi don' look all that penitent.

[Griffin NoName]

Aaaaargh! She were a roight hooker looker in them days !!

[Black Bart]

Oi found this old photo tucked inter a book in the Portsmouth Public Libery. Methinks the Young Madame Fifi don' look all that penitent.

Arrrrrrrr, the Rev O'Hanlon be one o Fifi's best customers!