Portsmouth Pirate Public School

[Bruder Cuzzen]

Ahoy dare Prinzpill Callninny ,

  Wun ove fuchure ex-convex stoodints ove aboot sevin hands high smacked me on me kneecap .
Almost broke et he did ( ye should feed 'im moor offin to keep up his strength ).
He yoosed a blakjack ove his oan design , seeing as it be wun oi neffer seen afore .
Oi be owtraged !
Why hasint wun ove dem be offered up fer sale .

yers asspectunt  espectitintly oi be awaiting ,

Cap'n Nobbly Neez

[DaveL]

Dear Capn NN

The game of poker is one I play often often a lively affair and you must be very careful who you play with especially me, as I'll fleece you quick smart!

Tell that little blaggard to report to Sports Master Bluenose immediately, as we want to wager on his boxing skills keep his mitts to himself or else.

I would be more than happy to offer any crooked cards skills or advice which will enable you to cheat play more effectively.

Kind Regards,

Principal Cullinane

[nefyuBB]

Avass ! Prinsypull Callalalalalalalaanny

Plez Xcuse me nefYoo fwum alla klasis fer dis munff an necks munff cos he gots lottsa pracksing ta do fer his konsert .

yers trooly , my aunty blakrub .

[DaveL]

Dear Nefyoo BB,

Your leave is approved provided our standard 25% fee cut applies you invite your class mates to the concert.

You are a budding young talent and provided we can understand you we look forward to seeing you at The Windy Corner Stadium.

Yours proudly and profitably

Principal Cullinane

[nefyuBB]

der prizpil cudniny

i is lpss
i no can fine tha toy rum
i muss hav a nu cutliss an sun pissuls an dagurs an stuff lik thet if i gunna go on tha feeld twip wif unkl flack fart .

if i no fine tha toy rum
can i go owtsid an pillij alla stuff i need

[Bluenose]

Deer Princip Culliinnnnann  Kullinnang  Wotsername,

Oi needs ter bring ter yer hattenshun tha' sum littel baskit 'as made a "Neffyu" sized hole in the wall of the stillery store room.  A large quantity of Captain's Delight has gone missing.  Culd ye pleeze arx the sargn't at harms ter hinvestigate?

Stillmaster Bluenose

[DaveL]

Dear Nefyoo,

It has come to my attention that you have been siphoning off the profits rum supply from my, Still Master Bluenose's The School Distillery.

Can ye please ensure that you drink destroy the evidence return the goods immediately before Education Inspector Ed Percival's snow job inspection this Friday.

As we have the reputation of the School to uphold, I hope that you can stop drinking get your conduct in order, before Inspector Ed gives our school assembly his full inspection.

As usual, I will be takin Inspector Percival to Fifi's, getting him drunk sending him a large sum of money to task, to ensure that our accreditation passes with flying colours while things get swept under the carpet.

Yours nervously,

Principal Cullinane

[nefyuBB]

ahoy prizpil kallilly ,

i fined a rum wiff lots of grape bluds innit
ya no can ave et bak
cos unkl fart sez thet stuff wull
mak ya  bline nefyu
sayd unkl farty
he gib me lotsa lollys fer findirs fee tho
ye kin ave sum if ya get me sum pissils an stuff lik thit

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[pieces o nine]

Principal Cullinane:

It grieves me to report that one of our own little Pyrate Scouts has been shaking down various pillars of the community for "pissils an stuff lik thit", whatever that means. I am deeply ashamed at the oversight which has allowed a three-year-old to attempt Extortion, which is clearly a senior level merit badge. I mean, the wee blaggard hasn't even achieved his Diaper Pin yet!

Please alert all faculty and support staff members to be on the alert to interim clumsy attempts at extorting weapons in exchange for stolen rum adulterated with (one shudders!) fruit juice.

Smartly Saluting ye-
Capn Baird Saggingsails,
Pyrate Scoutmaster
Portsmouth Pirate Public School Troop

[nefyuBB]

deer stillmassir unkl blunoz ,
unkl farty musta mak a misstake an drinkid tha barruls ove stuff ii stole fwum ya
cos he no see nuffin noaw
so noaw i wobbin et bak fer ya !

hup hup fer me !
noaw i gunna git a badj fer shure !

[DaveL]

Dear Nefyoo,

As you are aware, 'Double Pirate Speak 101' has not yet been introduced to this school.  As it is clearly undecipherable to 99.9999% of the pirate population, we would suggest you first master normal pirate speak. 

There is a budding career ahead for you in politics in any case, as I can barely understand anything that comes out of their mouths either.

Look forward to conversing with you, with a large phrase book.

Kind Regards,

Principal Cullinane

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Cullinanelee

Is it troo ther course "Pirate Speak fer Extra Dummies" at yer skool has "Janet and John go to Sea" as its core text? Me sun Nancy wants ter be sure ye abide by equal ops and human rights an all.

Yours
Capn. Arthur Treadmill-Whipps Capn.

[DaveL]

Dear Capn Arthur,

Yes it be true, although it be the updated version called 'Captain Scuppers and Wench Judy visit the Love Inn for a "rest".

Highly graphic descriptions censored of course!

Yours,

PC