Vote 08: The Portsmouth Council Elections

[DaveL]

Dear Pieces,

Unfortunately, yes Tiddles has decided to run for the Lord Mayor's office. His Bilge rat army have registered en-masse to vote.

At last polling, Tiddles was rank favourte to oust Mayor Keith Liversausage as the new mayor of Portsmouth.

The electoral commission will contact his mortal enemy DaveL at once (for a small fee of course), should a small army be required to oust Tiddles from his anticipated dictatorship.

FSM help us all if Tiddles becomes the new Mayor!!

Your most concerned electoral officer.

C.McBunty

[Black Bart]

I imagine Ken Liversausage would be greatly relieved to escape all the kidnappings though!

[anthrobabe]

Dear Ms S. Gert,

The electoral commission has recieved a report that you are offering free drinks to every customer who pledeges you their vote.

* Can the Admiral Benbow afford to support your offer?
* Does the publican know you are doing this?
* Can I have a pint of Whinnying Nag at once?

In response to your querry...
* yes the Benbow can support this offer-- it has been a very good year for cleaning out pockets of drunk patrons---- we are in the green all the way
* does the publican know? yes- they're under a table right now as they get extra free drinks just to keep 'em around (see note above)
*stop by any time for ye Whinnying Nag-- I'll make sure I order in extra so we don't run out


VOTE FOR SAUCY GERT

[Pachyderm]

We, the undersigned, would like to point out that not everybody in this town is a bloody criminal, nor supports them in their nefarious activities. Our representative, Loony Bill the village idiot will be standing next to the door. We would ask the constables not to hobble the horses outside.

Yours sincerely,

The Proper, Decent, Law-abiding Citizens Party.

Registered Office: In the Cupboard under the Stairs. Or in the wardrobe. Under the bed, they'll never look there...

[Griffin NoName]

Sadly the Raving Monster Party is standing with a depleted membership. Loony Bill seems to have defected.

[Pachyderm]

Curse him, and his inconsistency!

Very well, the Customs Officer will stand..

Where the Hell did he go? Quick down the bowling club! He won't get far, the chains'll weigh him down..

[Griffin NoName]

H'Announcement

The Raving Monster and Customs Officer Party make a late entry.

Nudge up. We need room here.

[Bluenose]

SOPP Fights Back!

We of the Sell Out Portsmouth Party, in response to all the other irresponsible promises made by the other parties pledge the following:

* TWO free bottles of Captain's Delight to every drunken sot scurrilous pirate concerned citizen wot pledges to vote for SOPP
* All positions in council will be filled by cats, they can't be enny werse than current lot.
* Free crab lunches every Wednesday for all comers at the council offices, wowsers excluded.
* All enemies of Tiddles to be removed from the Enemies of Tiddles List, upon payment of the proscribed bribe fee to the Mayor.
* All taxes abolished, except for the new sobriety tax to be levelled at a rate of 50 Cronin in the Dubloon on the per Diem income of anyone not found not to be drunk by the new Sobriety Inspectorate officers.
* Anyone found sober for ten days in a row to be sent to Coventry (or Manchester, or , well frankly, we don't care where so long as it's not Portsmouth).
* Free Gold Pass to Madam Fifi's for all pirate captains returning with a hold full of stolen treasure, upon payment of the new Portsmouth Mayoral Treasure Survey Fee, of 5% of the gross (this is a fee for service¹, not a tax).
* All barmaids to be entitled to one free bath at the council baths per week an a free bottle o' cologne, plus one tub o' rouge per quarter.


-----------
Notes:
1. The service bein we do not remove all the treasure from ye hold, ye blaggard.

[pieces o nine]

Yarrr. Wen arrr thee canidates gonna post yer Arrr-Tube campane videos?

[Black Bart]

Yarrr. Wen arrr thee canidates gonna post yer Arrr-Tube campane videos?

We of the Concerned Residents About Buccaneer Standards (CRABS) party are working on it.

If only we could get Captain Cronan to stay afloat long enough to shoot the video!

[anthrobabe]

SOPP Fights Back!

We of the Sell Out Portsmouth Party, in response to all the other irresponsible promises made by the other parties pledge the following:

* TWO free bottles of Captain's Delight to every drunken sot scurrilous pirate concerned citizen wot pledges to vote for SOPP
* All positions in council will be filled by cats, they can't be enny werse than current lot.
* Free crab lunches every Wednesday for all comers at the council offices, wowsers excluded.
* All enemies of Tiddles to be removed from the Enemies of Tiddles List, upon payment of the proscribed bribe fee to the Mayor.
* All taxes abolished, except for the new sobriety tax to be levelled at a rate of 50 Cronin in the Dubloon on the per Diem income of anyone not found not to be drunk by the new Sobriety Inspectorate officers.
* Anyone found sober for ten days in a row to be sent to Coventry (or Manchester, or , well frankly, we don't care where so long as it's not Portsmouth).
* Free Gold Pass to Madam Fifi's for all pirate captains returning with a hold full of stolen treasure, upon payment of the new Portsmouth Mayoral Treasure Survey Fee, of 5% of the gross (this is a fee for service¹, not a tax).
* All barmaids to be entitled to one free bath at the council baths per week an a free bottle o' cologne, plus one tub o' rouge per quarter.


-----------
Notes:
1. The service bein we do not remove all the treasure from ye hold, ye blaggard.

I OBJECT! on the grounds that these are really bang-up ideas and that I want credit for them on me own. do ye needs a candidate by chance? If ye has a candidate I kin promise you a speedy removal from life the race for you so's I kin steps in................

[Aggie]

Loony Bill seems to have defected.

Oi's not usually one to pick at spellin, but for the sake of electoral honesty, ye forgot an 'a' in that last word.

[Bruder Cuzzen]

We, the undersigned, would like to point out that not everybody in this town is a bloody criminal, nor supports them in their nefarious activities. Our representative, Loony Bill the village idiot will be standing next to the door. We would ask the constables not to hobble the horses outside.

Yours sincerely,

The Proper, Decent, Law-abiding Citizens Party.

Registered Office: In the Cupboard under the Stairs. Or in the wardrobe. Under the bed, they'll never look there...

DOH ! I missed the cue for Nutty Liam , I've been busy of late working on me cabin and galley as well repairing two others ships . Still looking for the cat as well .
I just noticed how vulnerable Auntie blackbeard's postings  over there and had to take some sort of action before some lanlubber troll messes with her posts .
This campaign I'm currently on is taking a lot of time as I write for three " clones " trying to get pirates back to #2 ...I'm slowly going Norman Bates...

[Griffin NoName]

I really don't think we can allow Norman Bates to stand for Mayor.

[Aphos]

We, the Bilge Rats o' Portsmouth, dust protest dis here ee-lection.  We demands oir votin' rights.  Give us-ens the vote!

Oh...and

             Down with cats!

Sponsored by Bilge Rats for Civil Rights