Ask Big Ron and Bustlin’ Brian – Your Pirate Home Handymen…

[Black Bart]

Cher Grand Ron

As le European Commission had a good look at votre saucisson. Eet will ave to be verified and examined to make sure eet is not breakin ze rules of ze Euro Meat Control Council.  Otherwise we will not be lettin votre sausage through our tunnel!

Vive L'Emperor Napolean!

Giscard D'Etang

Chairman 'Le tunnel sous le Manche plc'

[The Black Spot]

Dear Bustlin' Brian

I has a mortal enemy that needs to 'ave 'is main boiler replaced. Shall I bust ye out o' the chokey?

Yours

Cap'n Backscratcher

[DaveL]

Dear Capn Backscratcher,

Looking at me current fortunes in the Continuous Briny Fable and the thought of spending one more night in a cell wif Elroy, I'll gladly do anythin' to get out of here.

Best if yer Mortal Enemy is supplied wif me finest range of products. They seldom work.

Kind Regards,

The Bustlin' One.

[DaveL]

Dear Big Ron,

Lentils or Prunes?

Kind Regards,

Capn Windy

[Black Bart]

Dear Ron or Brian

Are ye any good at doin Quests?

Yours Sincerely

Capn Don Quixote

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Capn Don Quixote

Re: Quests

Ye be wanting me ter sing fer ye?

Capn Horn Blower

[Black Bart]

Dear Capn Hornblower

Is that a clue?

Yours Sea Shantily

Capn Don

[Griffin NoName]

Dear Capn Don Q

Maybe it be an maybe it aint

Yours

Capn Horn Blower

[DaveL]

Dear Big Ron,

Lentils or Prunes?

Kind Regards,

Capn Windy

Dear Capn Windy,

Either but preferably both, Sulphur dried apricots go down a treat, especially during a musical performance. If you need to get to '11' (as in Spinal Tap) O'id be goin' for the prune juice.

Kind Regards,

Big Ron

[Black Bart]

Dear Capn Don Q

Maybe it be an maybe it aint

Yours

Capn Horn Blower

YYYAAARRRR Ye be blowin yer Horn all hot and cold!

Unlike Big Ron!

Yours

Capn Don Barthote

[The Black Spot]

Dear Big Ron

Last night me crew wanted a steam puddin' fer their dinner. I made 'em one, but they said they still felt 'ungry afterwards.

Can ye suggest another filling apart from steam?

Bowlegs O'Reilly

[Black Bart]

Dear Bustlin Brian

I hears ye has been recently busted out of er, released from prison.  Would ye loik to come an  do some plumbin fer me.

Yours Sincerely

Davy Jones
The Locker,
The Sea Bed.

[DaveL]

Dear Big Ron

Last night me crew wanted a steam puddin' fer their dinner. I made 'em one, but they said they still felt 'ungry afterwards.

Can ye suggest another filling apart from steam?

Bowlegs O'Reilly

Dear Bowlegs,

That be an interesting quandry there matey. If yer looking for another gas, I've got a few bodily alternatives that will keep 'em subdued for weeks.

Bring yer cylinder round to the shop and I'll fill it up for ye.

Yours in sublimation
Big Ron

[Black Bart]

Dear Bustlin Brian

I recently bought a dodgy Black Bart manequin on Aaaaargh Bay. At first I thought it was just poor workmanship but then I hobserved the Wrench sticking out o the pocket and the Boiler suit and I realised tis not a Black Bart manequin at all...tis a Bustlin Brian pretendin to be a pirate manequin!!!!

[The Black Spot]

Dear Bart

That's not me! A hard working plumber like meself would never have such clean overalls! And look at those shiney shoes! A man who charges as little as I do would never be able to afford such smart footwear! With all the high quality parts I buy for each job it's a miracle I make any money at all!

Yours

Brian