The Piratica Monastical Football Club

[Calico Jack]

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL 2007/08 PMFC vs AC MILAN (2nd HALF)

The Half Time entertainment was provided by pilots from the Greek Air Force who did a fly over across the stadium.  The Black Spot managed to bring two of them down with his cannon but the rest of them got way.

IT was interesting to note that none of the PMFC team went into the dressing room as they were all terrified of Cap'n Cronan who though was the team manager no-one had actually seen at the game. It was up to Dave L as team captain to provide a tactical summation of the first half performance "We were all shite" he said "Bluenose has no energy left, his legs have gone, Black Bart as lost is mind an Calico Jack was total rubbish an I as mud on me dress an it won't come off"

45:01 The handful of spectators that were left in a stadium that had more holes than the Parthenon welcomed the teams back on the pitch with deafening silence.  I wouldn't say the Italians were over confident but they spent most of the half time break parading the European Cup and quaffing Champagne.

53:25 A much more positive start by PMFC as The Black Spot cut through the Milan defence leaving a pile of bodies on the penalty spot.  Black Bart would have scored but he fell down the hole he had dug in the 1st half and the danger was cleared.

61:34 A sweeping move by PMFC ended with Agujjim hitting the bar.... after that he hit a couple of nightclubs before getting a kebab on the way home.

70:06 At last the pressure paid off as the Milan substitutes who had come on to replace their fallen colleagues failed to recognise Dave L in his dress (despite his huge Rum sodden beard) and attempted to chat him up, in the confusion the ball fell for Sibling Chatty who tapped home Milan 3 PMFC 1

76:43 Milan then resorted to every man behind the ball in an attempt to protect their lead.  However, Dave L had spotted a weakness in the opposition and attacked the flanks of the opponent in a pinching movement.  This suburb tactic left the Milan team stranded in the middle of the pitch and left all 10 outfield players from PMFC unmarked, one of  which The Black Spot tapped into an ungarded net. Milan 3 PMFC 2

82:08 An announcement was then made over the tannoy "Urgent message for Ken Liversauasage Mayor of Portsmouth and very important man indeed who is watching the match from the VIP area.  In your absence you have been drummed out of office and there is a warrant out for your arrest if you set foot in Portsmouth again you despicable cheating lying scumbag"

87:44 Milan had literally parked their bus in front of the goal in an attempt to protect their lead but they were no match for the resourceful Black Bart who smashed the windows and kicked the ball through the gap and into the net. What a comeback Milan 3 PMFC 3. A lone Liverpool fan was then seen running on to the pitch and within 2 minutes the bus was on bricks and graffiti daubed on to the sides.

90:00 Then suddenly disaster strikes for PMFC as their team manager Cap'n Cronan makes an appearance on the sidelines whistling what appeared at first to be a sea shanty but in fact turns out be the big Bros hit from 1988 When will I be famous.  The terrified PMFC players take one look at the ghostly, zombie like creature humming that dreadful song and to a man flee in terror.  Milan cannot believe their luck and Kaka taps the ball into an empty net to win the European Champions League for AC Milan Milan 4 PMFC 3

AC Milan collect the trophy in an empty stadium, all of the Milan supporters were removed by The Black Spot's cannon shells in the 1st half whilst the PMFC supporters joined their team and were last seen running towards the harbour in an attempt to get away from Cap'n (I love boy bands) Cronan.