Swato's Squidly Sonnets

[Swatopluk]

Red Cock on Green Field

I walked along the fields one early morn
Until I reached the furthest upwind edge
No one in sight? All clear! Out comes the match
I hunker down and set alight the corn

The squire who on me heaped so much scorn
And drove me off my small potato patch
Did laugh at me, my retribution pledge
He'll soon wish that he never had been born

Your whole wealth will now simply turn to smoke
And may that smoke cause you a painful cough
Yet you are rich, in short time you'll be broke

The fire pump? To use it will be/get tough
The tank is dry, I fear all pistons choke
Now it is me who'll have the final laugh

[Swatopluk]

Fashion Tips

Would not Cthulhu look just great in pink
And/Or with a wig to cover his bald head?
He stares at stars but could he not instead
Become a star himself? What do you think?

Aren't Deep Ones sexy? Could they drop the stink
We'd stand in queue/line to get/have them in our bed
A decent fragrance and some lipstick red
Work well together (plus a stole/coat of mink)

No girl would shun a night-gaunt's call to dance
Wore he a tux and polish on his nails
Ghouls are so nice, if you give them a chance

Let shoggoths shape their slime in ponytails
Let pretty* shoes their pseudopods enhance
They are not fiends because their dress sense fails

*In order to avoid product placement, I did not put some brand name here

[Aggie]

Swato, do me a favour and do NOT share your list of favorite prawn sites....

[Swatopluk]

I keep my seafood to myself
And none of the sonnets was inspired by http://www.cthulhu.org/smut/ aka alt.sex.cthulhu
Better cephalophile than necrophile, I say.
But I will concentrate again more on gratuitous violence in the future

[Swatopluk]

Poète maudit

Shall I now sing of sex or violence
Of rabid rapist, pious pedophile
Or psychopaths that mangled corpses pile?
I know in each case some will take offence

I love to sing of whores not abstinence
Of ev'rything that's putrid, foul and vile
And if the moralists through that I rile
It will my satisfaction just enhance

The bard of boredom I don't wish to be
So spare me laurels, you keep them for those
That fill your ears with 'wholesome' poetry

Her thorns are what for me define a rose
Of poison ivy weave the wreath for me
My song shall praise whatever you oppose



Francisca

Above all else, it's she who(m) I adore
In all the world no truer friend I found
In life and death together we are bound
I could not love my dear Francisca more

A mistress harsh and iron to the core
Demands more skill to tame than hawk or hound
Weak men will shake in fear when she's around
An with her by my side I go to war

Some say the(ir) sword or spear or iron mace
Are better friends when to the strife they go
I can but laugh for undeserved's their praise

She suits me best be it in strike or throw
With her in hand there's no foe I can't face
Before Francisca ev'ryone will bow

[Aggie]

Of sharp objects, I approve.

[Swatopluk]

A slight overreaction to a D-

Arise, arise, ye undead hordes of hell
I call, request, command you to my aid
To/Now swarm the Earth, all life obliterate
No mercy show and all resistance quell!

I got debased more than mere words can tell
They have incurred my never-ending hate
By their own words and acts they sealed their fate
I will not rest before their doom I spell

What do I care about Pythagoras?
That Euclid guy? Most def'nitely uncool
Force them on me and you will feel my wrath

You think you're safe? Your wake-up will be cruel
It will exceed the torture that is math
For this bad/low mark shall perish the whole school

[Swatopluk]

Mercenary Song

I am a Landsknecht marching with the pikes
Good/Old Jörg von Frundsberg is our captain called
An honest man who pays us in true gold
That is what any common soldier likes

Our square formation is a wall of spikes
That only fools to take on would be bold
With ease against the knights' charge it will hold
Advancing, fear into their hearts it strikes

Though Knecht means servant, no one is more free
In life and strife we follow our own laws
And do not bow to any lord's decree

We will obey whoever pays the fee
What do we care, if just or good your cause?
But fear our rage should we no money/payment see

[Swatopluk]

Tautologischer Tod

Es war an ihm, den Löffel abzugeben
Der Herr gab ihm zwar Herz doch nicht Verstand
Weshalb er auch ein schröcklich Ende fand
Und mußt am End bezahln gar mit dem Leben

So endet nun für ihn das irdsche Streben
Bevor noch Herz mit Herze sich verband
Er muß nun ziehn in jenes finstre Land
Der Leib verbleibt, die Seele muß entschweben

Hier kommt Freund Hein, du kannst dich nicht verstecken
Da ist die Stund, noch heute kratzt du ab
Wie jed Geschöpf so mußt jetzt/auch du verrecken

Der Würmer Raub wirst du wenn nicht vom Rab
Die Friedhofserde wird dich bald bedecken
Und über dir schließt sich das kühle Grab

Translation, trying to replace German death metaphors with English ones

Tautological Death

It was his time to buy the farm (lit. to hand over the spoon)
The Lord gave him a heart but no brain
Therefore he met a sticky end
And had in the end to pay even with his life

So the earthly strife/ambition ended for him
Before even his heart joined with another
He must travel no to that dark land
The body remains, the soul must float away

Here comes Bill Door*(lit. friend Hein), you can't hide
The hour has come, this very day you have to kick the bucket (lit. scrape off)
Like any creature you have to snuff it

Wormfood (lit. prey) you'll become, if not the raven's
The graveyard earth will cover you soon
And the cool grave closes above you

*Death seems to have no personal name in English while in Germany he is known as Freund Hein (friend Harry).
I chose the name from Pratchett's Reaper Man as a stand-in

[Swatopluk]

Death is in town

The plague has come, Death walks in ev'ry street
He claims the beggar and the noble lord
Comes to the poorhouse and the royal court
Before him all are equal, broken reed/yes indeed

Death doth not listen to/if the tearful plead
To bribe him will not suffice any hoard
Him harms no arrow, halberd, mace or sword
This is a foe that iron can't defeat

A gaunt tall frame, as dark as night the gown
A skinless skull, the face a frozen grin
He rules as king, although he wears no crown

The sand runs out, the thread of life runs thin
He swings a scythe to mow us mortals down
The reaper's come to bring the harvest in

[Swatopluk]

And here is the sick mind responsible


http://toadfishmonastery.com/forum/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=2536.0;attach=1320

[Swatopluk]

Through the forest at night

My lantern is still burning, that is good
There is protection in this tiny light
To him who walks alone in darkest night
And shows where he can safely set his foot

A hungry pack roams this part of the wood
They are too swift to leave a chance of flight
Against them all one cannot win a fight
No tomb there'll be to rest my bones to put

Still three more miles, I fear the lamp will fail
The oil will last no longer than an hour
Wood's wet. My flint does spark to no avail

I'd climb a tree if branches would be/hang lower
No doubt by now the wolves are on the trail
Once there's no light the beasts will me devour


The Door

I found myself in some mysterious place
That I knew I had never seen before
In front of me there was a two-winged door
That bore the graven image of a face

I got transfixed by its hypnotic gaze
It spoke to me of long forgotten lore
Of treasure hidden in the days of yore
Until my mind was just a simm'ring haze

'All can be yours', the voice droned in my head
'Just pass through me and all will turn out well
For him that dares there's fortunes to be had'

I can't say what at this point broke the spell
And told me where this evil pathway led
No one that went there has come back to tell

[Swatopluk]

The joy of meat (improvised, therefore mediocre)

I think that bovines are just walking steak
They are alive, so fresh will stay the meat
If we decide that it is time to eat
We will one to the butcher take

The beef will we then cook and roast and bake
We turn it into any kind of treat
To fill our bellies sans restraint indeed
And do not care about the stomach ache

We don't need veggies, we are carnivores
So give us pork and beef and mutton chop
That is what the true hominid adores

Let's pray that the supply will never stop
In afterlife we hope to hunt wild boars
The pleasure of the flesh is not to top

[Swatopluk]

#81

Béziers 1209

You ask me, knights, what action to endorse
I am surprised that there is a dispute
Who dares to doubt, to fail in our pursuit?
It's mortal sin to stray the least off course

What we fight here is Satan's seed and force
The heresy, the tree that bears/bore bad fruit
We have to cut the evil by the root
We must stamp out the flame(s) without remorse

To spare a life means Him to disobey
We all must stand before Him on His throne
Receive His verdict there on Judgement Day

Let this decree to every man be known
It is God's will that everyone you slay
So kill them all! The Lord doth know his own

[Swatopluk]

#82

Sauron's rings

I forged this ring as master of/for them all
Infused it with a large part of my power
Whith it I laid foundations for my tower
While this ring lasts this fortress cannot fall

I used the nine nine servants to enthrall
Before them elf and man shall flee or cower
With poisoned treasure seven rings shall shower
The dwarves whom greed will doom in their own hall

Should I once lose the one ring on my hand
I'll get/be diminished to a wraith-like state
But not be gone forever from this land

This precioussss trinket is a fatal bait
Whoever finds it, he will in the end
Become its slave and be by it betrayed