Status Anxiety

[Griffin NoName]

I've had a copy of Alan de Bouton's book Status Anxiety lying around for a couple of years. I have no idea why I bought it, have never opened it, but occasionally stare at it worriedly.

I have finally realised the significance of this book (title) for me.

I have always felt cross having to give my status as divorced. I have never been divorced. I did the divorcing.

Worse than that, since my sons left home, I consider myself single. The divorce is utterly irrlevant. Yet the only way I could lose this irrelevant tag is to marry. This is nonsense.

This may seem like a fuss about something quite minor and in many cases it doesn't matter what status one fills in on forms. But, any forms related to government etc etc have to be correct so they can trace one's background. Therefore I always feel bound to fill in my status as divorced. Therefore I continue to carry this tag around.

Isn't this just as discriminatory as all other forms of labelling? Isn't it time that, like points on one's driving license, divorce could become obsolete as a status label? Why is it necessary to continue to label people as divorced for the rest of their lives?

Explanatory note: currently examining labelling issues in mental health and extending my thoughts into every area of life.

Contributions called for on your labelling peeves !!

[Sibling Zono (anon1mat0)]

You can do as certain dating sites:
___Single
___Married
___Divorced
___Widow
_X_I rather not tell

[goat starer]

Goats dont get married so I put my marital status down as

___Single
___Married
___Divorced
___Widow
___I rather not tell
_X_Randy as a Goat

[beagle]

The Americans won't get that one. There was a visiting American employee named Randolph where I once used to work. We had to discourage him from bursting into rooms of clients and saying "Hi, I'm Randy".

[Aggie]

Hmm... as usual, Canadians are caught in the crossfire.  I get the goatly interpretation, but it's not unusual or remarked-upon for someone to be named Randy.  We have a low-quality young men's clothing store called "Randy River" here.  Actually, that fits as they cater mostly to teenagers!


Re: OP - not precisely status, but i'm still blown away that American forms often include a 'Race' box.  Totally unheard of here. 

One should be able to apply for a change-of-status - heck, you can change your name but not reassign as single?  Curious to how status is assigned in the case of an annulment.

[beagle]

Race boxes are making a comeback so that government agencies can prove they're meeting their quotas. If you want civil service jobs in your town it's best not to admit to being white.

[Griffin NoName]

Curious to how status is assigned in the case of an annulment.

And civil partnerships. That's cheered me up; I'd rather be divorced than annulled or dissolved. 

But I'm cross all over again. My GP has just written a sick note for me referring to me as Mrs. And charged me £20 for it. It's one and half lines long. About a £1 a word.

[Sibling Chatty]

I'm Widowed.

Married just under 3 years, and that was over 20 years ago, and I still have to drag poor dead Richard around with me.

Of course, add to that the existence of Dan...

But, legally I am The Widow McKinney. The nitwits at the Cancer Hospital had to have certain information to be allowed to write off parts of my bill. One day, out of the blue, they tell me that they need a copy of my husband's death certificate. OK, but when Houston flooded in 2001, I lost almost all of that stuff...so I had to go to the county where he died and get ANOTHER one.

They'd been doing this for 8 years, and never needed this info before. NOW, I have to go pay $25 to get it, plus gas and time, etc. I do, they get it (I keep a certified copy, they get the new "original") and we go on about our business.

Fast forward. Next year. The contact me, and they need another original copy of his death certificate. What did they do with the previous one? Oh, they shredded it. I screamed loud and long enough that SOMEBODY figured out that it was PROBABLY in my microfiched records. It was, but they STILL wanted an original.

They quit wanting an original when I filed a lawsuit against the state for requiring a new $25 document every year, which they were just going to destroy. I DID offer to have Richard dug up and brought in to testify, if the casket would be enough proof that he was dead.

My smart-ass lawyer had the suit styled The Widow McKinney versus The State of Texas. They agreed to drop all demands if I would drop the suit. And they made the legislature change the rules IMMEDIATELY.

The Widow McKinney is the Original Evil Mrs. McKinney. Mean old thing...especially at age 32.

[Griffin NoName]

You make me laugh and cry !!

Maybe if they open me up they'd find "divorced" stamped on every cell? I'm guessing all the cancer cells definitely

.... oh wait a minute, they did open me up; must have another look at the pathology report.......

[Sibling Chatty]

I tell everybody that when they did my first surgery they removed (by remote control) the bone in my head that keeps me from saying exactly what I think.

I was bad about it before, but that entire "OMG, ANOTHER CANCER, INCURABLE!! OH NOEZ!!11!" crap just made me think: Whadda they gonna do to me?? Shoot me? I doubt it. Sue me? For what, I have nothing and never will, because my 20% Medicare co-pay is over a million a year, on average. Take me out and yell at me?? I can yell back.

It's been very liberating.

On all my cancer cells it says "Grade A Bitch".

[anthrobabe]

well Sibling Chatty --- you are one of my favorite "grade A bitches"-


all my cells say
"do not feed the bears"

[Bluenose]

Chatty, you are one right out of the box, good for you!

I am not in the same situation as you, although I suppose my diabetes will catch up with me one day - it seems to be angling for my right leg at the moment.  I guess I might be able to pose for a pirate picture with a real peg leg one day...  Anyway, I do understand the liberation that comes from being in a shitty situation where "they" want you to do something you do not want and  "they" have no leverage over you.  I used to work for a certain large international IT services company - the one that reckons they can herd cats (actually they couldn't herd sheep in a sheep yard, but I digress) - the department that I was a member of was made redundant via the usual "let's move it to India" thing, despite the fact that our department had the highest customer satisfaction rating of any in Australia and made a squillion dollars, but again I digress.  Anyway, while I was in the final redundancy phase they decided that everyone on this account had to do some particularly training.  Now the prospect of sitting through what amounted to about 8 hours of recorded playback of PowerPoint presentations at a glacially slow pace did not appeal to me so I said I was not going to do it.  I was told I had to, and I replied "what are you going to do, sack me?"  They left me a lone after that, it felt good.

Griffin, I would just put single.  It is valid, you have not said "never married" so whoever you are telling can't claim you are lying.  If they don't like it, too bad, IMHO.

Sibling Bluenose

[Griffin NoName]

I just got a comment on extra tax relief for married people being stupid on the BBC website as a SINGLE person - (like how come single people are less good citizens - it's a new Tory wheeze - Beagles friends !! - being married makes for a better country crap) so I guess that's me single for official now hehe.

On to the next problem - when I have to fill in my previous name - it's the same as my current name !! 

I am looking forward to eyeball downloads - they can just suck all the information out of me without me having to work out how to answer stupid questions.

[beagle]

Interesting one. However if it's legitimate to green tax people for use of cars and planes then single-occupier households are way more un-green still (and I talk as one).

The law of unintended consequences might apply though. Apparently without all those teenage single mothers our live birth rate could be as low as other parts of Europe and so way below replacement level, requiring higher immigration to keep industry going.

P.S., the Tories are a bit lefty for me these days. I'm just replying to one of their questionnaires saying no I wouldn't deliver leaflets for them unless they were more Eurosceptic and made re-instatement of beat policemen a manifesto commitment.

[Griffin NoName]

On Green, perhaps a suggestion to the Tory party that single people ought to be forced to home share?

I think single people ought to be the ones getting extra tax relief as it is so much more expensive for them to live alone. Eithre that, or the state should supply all single people with partners (obviously ones that would be fully acceptable). State match-making as an alternative to the state Lotto.

Friendly Beat Policeman are lovely, just remember Dixon of Dock Green. But I wouldn't have thought that was necessarily a far right policy unless they are all to be armed. Or inclined to punch girls having epileptic fits.

[Sibling Lambicus the Toluous]

This may seem like a fuss about something quite minor and in many cases it doesn't matter what status one fills in on forms. But, any forms related to government etc etc have to be correct so they can trace one's background. Therefore I always feel bound to fill in my status as divorced. Therefore I continue to carry this tag around.

Isn't this just as discriminatory as all other forms of labelling? Isn't it time that, like points on one's driving license, divorce could become obsolete as a status label? Why is it necessary to continue to label people as divorced for the rest of their lives?

If it applies, maybe "limerant" would work better than divorced... and have the added advantage of leaving most people scratching their heads.

[Griffin NoName]

If it applies, maybe "limerant" would work better than divorced... and have the added advantage of leaving most people scratching their heads.

I'd prefer the antonym but I cannot find one. My thesaurus must be out of date.

[Sibling Lambicus the Toluous]

If it applies, maybe "limerant" would work better than divorced... and have the added advantage of leaving most people scratching their heads.

I'd prefer the antonym but I cannot find one. My thesaurus must be out of date.

Quirkyalone might work, but the sound of the word creates odd connotations.

Cicisbeo, while limited in applicability, would be another fun one to put on a form to leave people scratching their heads.

[Griffin NoName]

Quirkyalone will do !!  Thanks.