Funny things you said, did etc as a kid

[goat starer]

I would like to make this place to record for posterity all the funny things you said and did as kids. Here is a start from the Goat family....

Goat (4)  "when I grow up I am going to be Father Christmas"

Goats Brother (3) "when i grow up I am going to be baby Jesus"

the first one is unatainable but the second makes the brain squirm.

If we get enough we can create a book for next christmas.

[Sibling Kephra (Tansy)]

-Well, when I was a munchkin I loved 'hagaburs' and 'pussgetti'.
-Once when my stepfather and I weren't getting along I told my Gramma (his mom) that: "I think it's because I'm Scottish and he's Norse.  They've never really gotten along have they?"
-I took the vcr apart when I was 8.  I wanted to see how the tape made the tv play the moving pictures. 
-Remember Mr Potato Head?  Well once upon a time his glasses were wire.  I bent them into the shape of a plug and stuck 'em in an outlet.  Flew accross the room much to my mother's horror and giggled.  And blew every single fuse in the apartment...

Holy crud *my* kids are *good*.

[goat starer]

now the Mr Potato head is what I am taalking about!

[Bob in a quantum-state-of-faith]

I nearly got to see the Grand Canyon, shortly before I was born.  Does that count?

[The Meromorph]

When my eldest was about 2, a local candy store was giving away little plastic dinosaur models with certain candy. The assistant leaned down to him and said "Which fierce dinosaur do you want, the red one or the green one or the blues one?" He just smiled and said "I'll have the Triceratops, please." The assistants mouth was still open as we left the store. 

[Aphos]

A group of friends had collected at one woman's house to go see a movie.  The woman's 4 year old daughter was reading a book.  Her mother said, several times in a loud voice, "Put the book down.  We're leaving."

No response.  So the mother said, in a very quiet voice, "Cookie".  The 4 year old's head popped up and looked around.

[Aggie]

When I was young (not sure how old.... JUST old enough to be given a pair of garden shears, but not old enough to remember it well), Mom told me to go prune the suckers around the base of the birch trees in the front yard.  When I was done that, I spotted the newly planted juniper bushes out front of the house.....

I pruned those suckers GOOD.

[Sibling Chatty]

When I was 5 my parents were having a house built. I continually tidied up the construction site by putting all the bent nail and woodscraps in neat stacks. I informed the builder that he was to not leave messes around, because Mommy certainly wasn't going to clean them up, and I was too little for all that work.


At age three I wanted to be a puppy when I grew up. (Still do.)

[Duke]

When I was a kid, and I forgot what I was going to say I would say, "I missed it!". 


Duke

[Sibling Lambicus the Toluous]

Growing up, I don't remember ever hearing my mother swear while driving (she'd always call the guy who cut her off "Charlie" or "so-and-so" instead)... when I was a teenager I found out why: apparently, she used to swear like a sailor when she was driving, but when I was just at the age where I'd started to speak, I began repeating things that she'd say at inopportune times.     She changed her (ahem) driving vocabulary and hasn't sworn behind the wheel since.

My Dad told me another story: while we were in line one day, I turned to the woman behind us and said, "my Mommy and Daddy love me even when I'm bad."  Her reply was, "don't push it, kid."

[ivor]

I was in maybe second or third grade.  One of my friends told me a joke.  I didn't really understand but everybody laughed.  It was a Christmas joke about Santa Claus.

My immediate family was over for Christmas at my Uncle's house.  There were lots of older kids there.  They were cuttin' up.  I was having a great time.

I thought it would be really funny to tell my joke, in front of my mother and father and uncles and aunts and cousins.  Here's my joke:

Santa went to Charo's house for Christmas.  He went down the chimney and  put tons of Christmas presents under the tree.  After Santa was done with the presents he noticed someone was watching. 

He tried to flee but Charo got in the way.  She said, "Santa, Santa please stay!" Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, guess I better go!"

Charo had a naughty idea and took off her bra. She said, "Santa, Santa please stay!" Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, guess I better go!"

Charo decided to up the ante and took off her panties.  She said, "Santa, Santa please stay!" Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, guess I better stay, Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way."

Everybody laughed.  I saw one of my cousins grin and blush.  I didn't understand her reaction.  I noticed my mother stomping in my direction.  She slapped the crap out of me.

MB

[goat starer]

when I was very little I had a mop of golden curly hair (which once got me bitten by a horse but that is another story). In the local shop the woman at the check out was admiring it and said she wished she had hair like mine. I reached up and tugged a gret clump out by the roots to give to her. 

[Sibling Chatty]

One Christmas, while being an angel in a pageant at a church that wasn't even the one we attended (the Episcopalians were short on children, and my Mom played the organ for their 9 and 10 AM services before coming across the street to play piano for our service at 11) I got bored and started humming to myself. The other children sort of picked it up and hummed along, then someone started singing the words.

As the Episcopalian priest is trying to keep a straight face and give a homily with the lovely manger scene behind him...the angels and sheep were singing "Here Comes Peter Cottontail".

I was four, I think.
=============

My Grandfather was driving from our house to my Aunt Jean's when I had just turned four, about 2 days before my family was going there. Mom was teaching school, and my dayschool was closed for that Thursday and Friday, although school wasn't out until Friday. Rather than have me mess up my other grandparent's trip out of town because they'd be needed to take care of me, Mom and Dad sent me to Aunt Jean's with Paw (Dad's Dad). The year was 1956.

We'd stopped to eat lunch, and he ran into a friend of his, Senator Lyndon B. Johnston. After a moment of two of talking, LBJ asked him who the little charmer was... My grandfather said "Dee Dee, I want to introduce a very important man, who works in Washington DC and makes laws and keeps our country safe." I looked at him and said "It's not than son-of-a-bitch Nixon is it?"

(Note: At that point in time, the SOB phrasing was considered a MAJOR gaffe, an unimaginable insult, and one of the rudest things one could say. There was a concerted effort to not discuss politics in my earshot thereafter.)