When green issues get up my nose......

[Griffin NoName]

I've been searching for green sheets for my bed on the internet. That is to say, the colour green, not ecologically sound sheets which figured prominently in the search results. Is there no limit to the pressure to conform with green issues?

[beagle]

You are lacking the crucial male hunter gatherer simple shopping gene. Here's how to simulate it:

Go to www.johnlewis.com
Type "green sheets" in the search box
Click on first image
Select size
Press "add to basket"
Press checkout

DO NOT HESITATE, DO NOT WONDER IF THEY WILL MATCH THE CURTAINS, DO NOT WONDER IF YOUR FRIEND HAS ONES JUST THE SAME, JUST BUY THE FIRST THING PUT IN FRONT OF YOU.

[Swatopluk]

I recently bought (largely) green ones at IKEA.

[Bluenose]

The Bluenose technique for complete satisfaction when buying bed sheets.

1 Go to shop.

2 Find Sheets.

3 Find shelf with correct size for your bed

4 Buy first set of sheets that are the right size.

5 Throw away preconceived ideas about what colour the sheets were going to be, green is so 2008.

6 Go home

7 Open 1 litre bottle of Bombay Sapphire

8 Pour large slug into crystal tumbler

9 Add 3 ice cubes and a slice of lime

10 Top up with Schweppes tonic water

11 Sip until tumbler empty

12 Repeat steps 8 to 11 until well oiled

13 Go into bedroom

14 Make bed with new sheets

15 Climb into bed and pass out

16 Wake in fright - where did those horrible jungle print sheets come from?

[Lindorm]

I must say that steps 7 - 12 seem to be a very good method, universally applicable to a large range of problems. 

Unfortunately, the result in step 16, or a reasonably approximation thereof,  seems equally universal. 

Must do some more work on method refinement...

[Griffin NoName]

You are lacking the crucial male hunter gatherer simple shopping gene. Here's how to simulate it:

Go to www.johnlewis.com
Type "green sheets" in the search box
Click on first image
Select size
Press "add to basket"
Press checkout

DO NOT HESITATE, DO NOT WONDER IF THEY WILL MATCH THE CURTAINS, DO NOT WONDER IF YOUR FRIEND HAS ONES JUST THE SAME, JUST BUY THE FIRST THING PUT IN FRONT OF YOU.

Broadly I followed this - but I did look at the image.

What I should have said was dark green.

The difference between male and female approaches being that I prefer the deep down dark stains not to show when only washing sheets once a year.

[beagle]

Switch from absinthe to vodka?

[Griffin NoName]

It's all the chocolate that's the real problem

[Bluenose]

Well then, obviously what you need is dark brown sheets, not dark green.  Then the chocky won't show!  Problem fixed!

[The Meromorph]

Errm. 'Scuse me, mister!
I have dark brown sheets.
It's not for chocolate...   

[Griffin NoName]

Actually what I need is a slave to change my sheets every day.

[Bluenose]

Okay, what do you want them changed into?   

[Griffin NoName]

Okay, what do you want them changed into?   

Good health would be a start